So, the ambulance arrived. They were told what had happened. I assured them I could feel all my extremeties and they were pretty bloody painful, thanks. They said "Yay! But you've probably broken a few vertebrae anyway, so backboard and neck thingy for you" (I admit they did not say thingy.)
Being strapped down hurt, this was the only time I cried. They offered me gas, but I refused because it makes me giggle like a loon and I though giggling would be bad at this point.
Off to casualty we went. They did lots of X-Rays, and, after looking at the films from my neck, they did them again. And again from a different angle. And then scanned me twice. I was in and out of consciousness through this, but a few times I told them that I was pretty sure I hadn't broken any vertebrae. They told me I was very lucky, but I probably had, however it was just bone damage if I had and it would heal up in a few months.
I woke up properly several hours later down in casualty, with no restraining bits save around my hand. "You're very lucky!" the doctor said. I told him I knew. He told me that I had a bit of a skull crack, too, and asked me questions. I could remember the date, the Prime Ministers of several countries and do arithmetic. But it became clear I had no sense of time passing, now what I had done last week, though the previous 24 hours were very clear, nor sections of time from before that. And I kept muddling up some words.
That's OK, he assured me, it's pretty common, you grow out of it.
Which I did, mostly, but it took quite some time. For the next six months there was an awful lot of miming. Luckily my friends are all hilarious and good at charades. My best one ever was putting hands on either side of my head and declaring "Christmas things!"
"Oh, reindeer!" they deduced.
Some memories came back in total, others in parts, some not at all.
For the most part this was not so bothersome; I am not one of those people who lives on memories and am always good at making new ones. But there were a few dicey parts. It will not surprise you that these were to do with sex. I had a brief but apparently big fling with an American a few weeks before. I remember quite liking him, but exactly none of the sex. He's a friend these days and just assumes I am invoking British reserve when I do not discuss our fling.
Worse, I slept with one of my friends around this time, but can never recall that I did. Let me just say that sex is never a substitute for a birthday present and thinking that it is will only get you into trouble. Happily, I had previously described in great detail the incident to my darling housemate, who assured me that no, I was not having a relationship with this nice but crazy girl, no matter what she suggested.
My friends were magnificent and helped me with everything until I was back to normal. I've left out the fact that I was truly ugly for a few weeks; face just a mass of scabs, bruises and swelling. It was very interesting to be ugly, people treat you very differently, including some shopkeepers who treated me as though I was stupid. I had to laboriously point out that I was still very smart and would only look like this for a short while, so they might want to get over it if they expected me to keep shopping there.
I did go to the big party, I wore a pair of heeled boots and opaque tights, with hotpants and a cool jacket. I spent a lot of the evening talking to a friend who kept bursting into laughter. I asked her why eventually. She told me that men kept walking into the room, looking at me from behind and clearly deciding "Ooh, that looks tasty ..." sauntering up behind while prepping 'lines', then making it to the sight line where they could see my face and retreating in horror.
What terrifies me is that two boys who I sort of knew both made serious plays that night. I wasn't that grateful to be alive. NB I am also not that irresistible, I think it was the fact that I was momentarily weakened and therefore represented a moment of Brammers without sarcasm, which was clearly a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Part two
Being strapped down hurt, this was the only time I cried. They offered me gas, but I refused because it makes me giggle like a loon and I though giggling would be bad at this point.
Off to casualty we went. They did lots of X-Rays, and, after looking at the films from my neck, they did them again. And again from a different angle. And then scanned me twice. I was in and out of consciousness through this, but a few times I told them that I was pretty sure I hadn't broken any vertebrae. They told me I was very lucky, but I probably had, however it was just bone damage if I had and it would heal up in a few months.
I woke up properly several hours later down in casualty, with no restraining bits save around my hand. "You're very lucky!" the doctor said. I told him I knew. He told me that I had a bit of a skull crack, too, and asked me questions. I could remember the date, the Prime Ministers of several countries and do arithmetic. But it became clear I had no sense of time passing, now what I had done last week, though the previous 24 hours were very clear, nor sections of time from before that. And I kept muddling up some words.
That's OK, he assured me, it's pretty common, you grow out of it.
Which I did, mostly, but it took quite some time. For the next six months there was an awful lot of miming. Luckily my friends are all hilarious and good at charades. My best one ever was putting hands on either side of my head and declaring "Christmas things!"
"Oh, reindeer!" they deduced.
Some memories came back in total, others in parts, some not at all.
For the most part this was not so bothersome; I am not one of those people who lives on memories and am always good at making new ones. But there were a few dicey parts. It will not surprise you that these were to do with sex. I had a brief but apparently big fling with an American a few weeks before. I remember quite liking him, but exactly none of the sex. He's a friend these days and just assumes I am invoking British reserve when I do not discuss our fling.
Worse, I slept with one of my friends around this time, but can never recall that I did. Let me just say that sex is never a substitute for a birthday present and thinking that it is will only get you into trouble. Happily, I had previously described in great detail the incident to my darling housemate, who assured me that no, I was not having a relationship with this nice but crazy girl, no matter what she suggested.
My friends were magnificent and helped me with everything until I was back to normal. I've left out the fact that I was truly ugly for a few weeks; face just a mass of scabs, bruises and swelling. It was very interesting to be ugly, people treat you very differently, including some shopkeepers who treated me as though I was stupid. I had to laboriously point out that I was still very smart and would only look like this for a short while, so they might want to get over it if they expected me to keep shopping there.
I did go to the big party, I wore a pair of heeled boots and opaque tights, with hotpants and a cool jacket. I spent a lot of the evening talking to a friend who kept bursting into laughter. I asked her why eventually. She told me that men kept walking into the room, looking at me from behind and clearly deciding "Ooh, that looks tasty ..." sauntering up behind while prepping 'lines', then making it to the sight line where they could see my face and retreating in horror.
What terrifies me is that two boys who I sort of knew both made serious plays that night. I wasn't that grateful to be alive. NB I am also not that irresistible, I think it was the fact that I was momentarily weakened and therefore represented a moment of Brammers without sarcasm, which was clearly a once in a lifetime opportunity.