I don't desperately need it *now* so I am going to compare, contrast and try several out. Grown up shopping, I can do it. Unless I spot leather gloves in which case I instantly turn into someone with no willpower.

Pet nicknames are the best! These two are still evolving theirs, but our much-loved Min was variously the Mookie, Moochops, Muppet features and so on. The girls would love you and provide many cuddles. Monster might even hold off farting.