Ah HA!

[blamebrampton]

FANFICCERS!

Worried about lack of reviews?

Sad that everyone is reading everyone who is not you?

Depressed to see teenagers who don't know how to spell frottage and cannot accurately gauge the bendability of the average penis with thousands of ffnet reviews while your finely crafted and beautifully edited masterpieces are lucky to garner 23?

FRET NO LONGER!

THE SECRET IS REVEALED!

''People say it isn't good quality but you have to remember Fifty Shades started as fan fiction and as fan fiction you have to have action,'' Hayward says. ''You have to have a sex scene in every chapter because that's how you get your reviews. The amount of people who review per chapter shows popularity, that's how your ratings get up. In fan fiction every chapter has to give you something to keep you reading it.''
(From an SMH interview with Amanda Hayward, the really rather brilliant publisher of the not as brilliant book.)

So there you go! You lot who've been telling me to porn it up were right all along! (I mean, obviously I'm not going to, but that's for the best. The Bad Sex Awards longlist is already inches thick.)

I thoroughly recommend the article, which is interesting and respectfully written, without being actually nice about bad writing. It includes this gem from The London Review of Books' Andrew O'Hagan, which I had previously missed: ''It's not that Fifty Shades of Grey and E.L. James's other tie-me-up-tie-me-down spankbusters read as if feminism never happened: they read as if women never even got the vote.''

Comments

[mabonwitch.livejournal.com]

*snort* Oh, is that all? As someone who writes primarily sex, I've got to say: sex =/= reviews automatically. Although that's a hilarious thought, bound to lead to some, ahem, interesting stories.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

There is no shame in wanting feedback! Every writer ever born wants it! (With the possible exception of Emily Dickinson.) I think it's best to be realistic about the fact that Amanda Hayward's not actually wrong, but also agree with you that the younger generation are clearly FAR too lazy when it comes to pushing a button rather than engaging with the writer! Young people today! *Shakes stick!*

Hee! She's certainly raking in the bucks for their bangs …

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Yes! Apparently, that's the trick!

I am, however, looking forward to the chapters ending:

'Get behind me, Harry, it's not safe!'

Remus held his wand steadily and loudly declared 'Expecto Patronum!' The advancing Dementors halted, and recoiled from the silvery stream erupting from Remus's wand.

Harry, nervous about the approaching chapter ending, wondered whether now would be the appropriate time to admit to improper student/teacher feelings and offer a quick handjob?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I thought it was a really good piece: most I have read on the topic have been either very sniffy or wholly uncritical. I like the fact that this writer was wholly uncritical of the idea of publishing from fandom, while still managing to be sniffy about the book and yet also giving the publisher room to explain some of its issues. I genuinely feel better knowing they paid to have it edited and someone just did a crap job!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

My heart goes out to romance writers at the moment! It must be like one of those happy children's fantasy writers merrily creating away when suddenly the Harry Potter Juggernaut hit. Once it's passed, I think things will ultimately be better in the long run, but right now it must feel a bit as though you can see only giant wheels!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I find it enormously hard to write sex, because even in the actual moment, it is somewhat ungainly and ridiculous, and translating that to the page without the ridiculous aspects over-riding all the others is … well, you know my passion for the ridiculous!

[leemarchais.livejournal.com]

I don't mind writing it. I just have a feeling it's not nearly as good as it could be. As much as I like realism, I know that you want some aspects to be sexy or whatever. I don't know. Once upon a time when I didn't think about it at all, it came very easily, no pun intended. lol I just have no ... guage for my own writing. Like Autistic people have no guage for emotions, you know? lol I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Drives me up the wall, actually. Meh. I know I'm hard on myself, but at the same time, I have really high standards. I have no clue how to write humour or crack. I wish I did.

[excentric397.livejournal.com]

I'm a reader, not a writer. I'll read pretty much anything except Ianto dies and some crossovesr, and I refuse to read RPF. I've found that I'm commenting less because I tend to convert everything to text and send it to my Kindle to read. No comment opportunities that way. I do kind of agree with fragrantwoods, too.. I would probably read most anything that had 'and then they had sex' in it. Unless it was Jack and Gwen. Then I'd just have to throw up.

[mrsquizzical.livejournal.com]

yes. who could have thought it would get a crap job and then it would suddenly be a megahit. how unpredictable and ridiculous! bless.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Love your family stories.

*snicker* okay, not quite my target group, but considering the guys I like ARE considered old men coughtumblrcough and I can choose between dogs or large vegetables (was that a euphemism) and I already don't feel tall - let the transfusion commence.

[takarai-karin.livejournal.com]

Um hi.

You have to forgive me for coming out of the woodwork like this. I've always been awfully shy about talking to people I really admire so I lurk. A lot. Which is what I've been doing in your LJ for- oh, I dunno, a few years? oh hell now you're going to think I'm creepy plsdon'thateme

I just feel like as a long-time reader who's been hopelessly in love with your stories over and over again every time I reread them, I have to chime in to say that I appreciate stories like yours muchly. Them with their attention to details and fleshed out plots and lovely tension (and you're talking of Mirabella who, like you, is also my absolute favorite!). So yeah, sometimes people do appreciate a good story than porn (not that there's anything wrong with it).

I'm not sure I'm being coherent now. This whole actually de-lurking to talk to you is hard. /tried not to be a dorky fan and failed miserably.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Oh you lovely person! Don't be shy here, we're all slightly bananas, but very friendly! (If somewhat obsessed with bikes, cats and politics …) And you are SO not creepy! I once met my favourite wheelchair basketballer and was all: 'OMG! You're so graceful and strong! And shopping! I am in the way of your shopping!' I know all about the sentence that gets away from you …

I like writing story, and it's what I'm always going to do. Don't worry, I feel very thoroughly supported in fandom, and even if I didn't, I enjoy it and am absolutely selfish enough to stick stubbornly to something I like regardless :-)

And thank you SO much, it's genuinely lovely and touching to know that you reread my stories and think of me in the same sentence of Mirabella. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in ages! You don't need to lurk around here: you're always welcome!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

The ereader issue is a real thing: I find myself reading more and more books on mine, but not fanfic because I know I will forget to go back and comment -- which would be fine if I then read the fanfic on my laptop instead of adding it to my horrendously long queue and then reading a book on my Kindle …

Maybe I should just stick it all on and then do a regular rec post? There was a time when I was good at that sort of thing, before work went lupinesque.

And Jack and Gwen? NOOOOOOOOOO! That's just wrong! Ianto is always fine in my head because I stopped watching at an episode in which he was and refuse to go past it.

(I'm SO tempted to try the Fragrantwoods Solution next time I am stuck for how to end a section or chapter :-))

[takarai-karin.livejournal.com]

I do feel bad that I haven't been reviewing you as I should though, but usually other people already came up with all the thoughtful reviews and I feel silly adding only with 'this fic gave me many ~feels~ and I want to cuddle it'. It took me years to finally got the courage to talk to Mira too, and she's been nothing but full of patience for my squees.

I'm more of a dog person but between your cats and Miracats, I'm well-trained amongst cat people :3 (I can't ride bikes though. I'd love to. Oh and politics is my infotainment)

I'm even more a bundle of nerves now because for some reason I decided to actually talk to you while Chelsea is minutes away from a match, and I'm even more nervous when we're about to play ... (and with the Magpies, too)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Given how crap I am at responding to comments, you've been thoughtfully lowering my guilt levels! And Mira is fab, I wish she was still on LJ: I've not been organised enough to get my act together on DW!

I love dogs, but Mr B is a cat person and our garden is very small and without grass, so I am happy having just the feline muppets and patting all the local dogs. I could teach you to ride if we were ever in the same place, it's really easy!

And Chelsea is the club I say I support when I have to talk football, though I confess that I am a total ignoramus and should really stick to cricket, F1, cycling and equestrian. Good luck! I'm off to bed, but will sleep with my fingers crossed!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

The fashion for BDSM is weirding me out a bit: especially when it's actual fashion -- I'm not used to seeing that many chains and buckles on the high street outside of Newtown and Erko Road!

I have to come back tomorrow to finish this comment, because I had lots of thoughts and wanted to phrase them coherently, then went out cycling, then to spin class, then to dinner, and now it's nearly 3am and my brain is SAGO! Back in a few hours …

[takarai-karin.livejournal.com]

We'll talk of F1 come the next Grand Prix, then :3

Thanks, we'll need the luck! Our newest bb Hazard just scored through a pen though.

Good night, and thank you for friending me :3

[fourth_rose]

''It's not that Fifty Shades of Grey and E.L. James's other tie-me-up-tie-me-down spankbusters read as if feminism never happened: they read as if women never even got the vote.''

Well, since the same is true for the source material...

[excentric397.livejournal.com]

After thinking it over, I can see a problem with 'and then they had sex.' We don't actually get to read about the sex, just that they had it. Nooooo. The internet is for porn. And smut. And all that other good stuff. Although, there are some sex scenes I've read that just made me laugh and wonder if the person who wrote them was...I don't know...fourteen? ;)

[excentric397.livejournal.com]

Forget where I found this:

"Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend."

[valkyrie17.livejournal.com]

I've read that somewhere, too. Sums them both up quite accurately.

[valkyrie17.livejournal.com]

Um...I love your stories very much as they are. You seem to have such a firm grasp of politics and such a wonderful sense of humour. I have everything I could find converted to pdf so that I can carry it around and read it at lunch or while waiting in long lineups. I read your stories (along with Calanthe, Mirabella, Oldenuf2nobetter,Emma Grant, Jennavere, Maya among others), over and over again.
I like sex in a story, but more importantly, I want a STORY...I want a plot and I want humour. You more than fill the bill.

[ladyjaneva.livejournal.com]

My father can teach you the last part.... he doesn't like his neighbours ;-)

[ladyjaneva.livejournal.com]

MWAUAHAHHAHAHAAAA

*insert crazy loud german laugh*

[kath-ballantyne.livejournal.com]

Has it changed? I haven't seen any more of it but then I'm right out here and don't get out much anyway.
I mean I notice more of it when I got to Sydney but I always did. I have a fondness for big boots and chains and buckles, always have but I can't add any extra weight to my clothes and shoes without using more energy than I have. (I always wanted some big CAT boots with many buckles but I can't even wear my Colorado boots for long.)
I have a bunch of friends who have always been involved in the Goth and BDSM scenes anyway and I don't see a lot of people outside of friends any more.