blamebrampton | Ah HA!

FANFICCERS!

Worried about lack of reviews?

Sad that everyone is reading everyone who is not you?

Depressed to see teenagers who don't know how to spell frottage and cannot accurately gauge the bendability of the average penis with thousands of ffnet reviews while your finely crafted and beautifully edited masterpieces are lucky to garner 23?

FRET NO LONGER!

THE SECRET IS REVEALED!

''People say it isn't good quality but you have to remember Fifty Shades started as fan fiction and as fan fiction you have to have action,'' Hayward says. ''You have to have a sex scene in every chapter because that's how you get your reviews. The amount of people who review per chapter shows popularity, that's how your ratings get up. In fan fiction every chapter has to give you something to keep you reading it.''
(From an SMH interview with Amanda Hayward, the really rather brilliant publisher of the not as brilliant book.)

So there you go! You lot who've been telling me to porn it up were right all along! (I mean, obviously I'm not going to, but that's for the best. The Bad Sex Awards longlist is already inches thick.)

I thoroughly recommend the article, which is interesting and respectfully written, without being actually nice about bad writing. It includes this gem from The London Review of Books' Andrew O'Hagan, which I had previously missed: ''It's not that Fifty Shades of Grey and E.L. James's other tie-me-up-tie-me-down spankbusters read as if feminism never happened: they read as if women never even got the vote.''

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ah, Amanda Hayward's OK, I sort of love her mercenary 'You want the reviews? Here you go!' formula, and it is true: higher ratings do attract more reviews in general. But I agree with you wholly on the need for good plot and a story. I feel much happier about Calanthe, or pushdragon, or mirabella who writes exquisite tension, having loads of reviews than I do about Fifty Shades outselling Harry Potter!

I keep hoping I can get that perfect sex scene where it all just fits together.... it's quite possible I'm just not cut out for it.

I find it enormously hard to write sex, because even in the actual moment, it is somewhat ungainly and ridiculous, and translating that to the page without the ridiculous aspects over-riding all the others is … well, you know my passion for the ridiculous!

I don't mind writing it. I just have a feeling it's not nearly as good as it could be. As much as I like realism, I know that you want some aspects to be sexy or whatever. I don't know. Once upon a time when I didn't think about it at all, it came very easily, no pun intended. lol I just have no ... guage for my own writing. Like Autistic people have no guage for emotions, you know? lol I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Drives me up the wall, actually. Meh. I know I'm hard on myself, but at the same time, I have really high standards. I have no clue how to write humour or crack. I wish I did.

Um hi.

You have to forgive me for coming out of the woodwork like this. I've always been awfully shy about talking to people I really admire so I lurk. A lot. Which is what I've been doing in your LJ for- oh, I dunno, a few years? ~~oh hell now you're going to think I'm creepy plsdon'thateme~~

I just feel like as a long-time reader who's been hopelessly in love with your stories over and over again every time I reread them, I have to chime in to say that I appreciate stories like yours muchly. Them with their attention to details and fleshed out plots and lovely tension (and you're talking of Mirabella who, like you, is also my absolute favorite!). So yeah, sometimes people do appreciate a good story than porn (not that there's anything wrong with it).

I'm not sure I'm being coherent now. This whole actually de-lurking to talk to you is hard. /tried not to be a dorky fan and failed miserably.

Oh you lovely person! Don't be shy here, we're all slightly bananas, but very friendly! (If somewhat obsessed with bikes, cats and politics …) And you are SO not creepy! I once met my favourite wheelchair basketballer and was all: 'OMG! You're so graceful and strong! And shopping! I am in the way of your shopping!' I know all about the sentence that gets away from you …

I like writing story, and it's what I'm always going to do. Don't worry, I feel very thoroughly supported in fandom, and even if I didn't, I enjoy it and am absolutely selfish enough to stick stubbornly to something I like regardless :-)

And thank you SO much, it's genuinely lovely and touching to know that you reread my stories and think of me in the same sentence of Mirabella. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in ages! You don't need to lurk around here: you're always welcome!

I do feel bad that I haven't been reviewing you as I should though, but usually other people already came up with all the thoughtful reviews and I feel silly adding only with 'this fic gave me many ~feels~ and I want to cuddle it'. It took me years to finally got the courage to talk to Mira too, and she's been nothing but full of patience for my squees.

I'm more of a dog person but between your cats and Miracats, I'm well-trained amongst cat people :3 (I can't ride bikes though. I'd love to. Oh and politics is my infotainment)

I'm even more a bundle of nerves now because for some reason I decided to actually talk to you while Chelsea is minutes away from a match, and I'm even more nervous when we're about to play ... (and with the Magpies, too)

Given how crap I am at responding to comments, you've been thoughtfully lowering my guilt levels! And Mira is fab, I wish she was still on LJ: I've not been organised enough to get my act together on DW!

I love dogs, but Mr B is a cat person and our garden is very small and without grass, so I am happy having just the feline muppets and patting all the local dogs. I could teach you to ride if we were ever in the same place, it's really easy!

And Chelsea is the club I say I support when I have to talk football, though I confess that I am a total ignoramus and should really stick to cricket, F1, cycling and equestrian. Good luck! I'm off to bed, but will sleep with my fingers crossed!

We'll talk of F1 come the next Grand Prix, then :3

Thanks, we'll need the luck! Our newest bb Hazard just scored through a pen though.

Good night, and thank you for friending me :3

Ah HA!

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