STILL not well, so you get men's skating.

[blamebrampton]

Miles after everyone else on my flist has watched the men's skating final, it's shown here. We have only highlights coverage, so the top five or six, usually, and maybe someone who failed SPECTACULARLY. I'm also so VERY spoiled by you lot, so I am going to assume I am the last to know, and I am fairly certain my attention span will wander before I remember to mention who came first, second or third.

American Evan Lysacek: He's terribly good, but who choreographed this routine? He looks like a man fleeing giant spiders in a toffee factory. *Skate! Skate! Jump over spider! FLAIL! Have hands stuck to toffee and wave frantically!* Madness, sheer madness! All very excellent and precise and I have nothing interesting to say about him. Ho hum, he'll probably do very well.

Swiss Stephane Lambiel: Oh! He screwed up his first quad! (Does that mean he's mostly a man, Plushenko?) Who cares? He is SO PRETTY! And his choreography makes sense, even if it is tremendously Nureyev circa 1963 (actually, there's a lot of Nureyev about him). He can layover round here any time! And he has the haughty princess head toss (TM Roy & HG) down pat. I like the way he skates with his whole body rather than just remembering occasionally that he has arms and shoulders. And I liked his Loch Ness Monster hand puppetry in the spins, too!

Oh goody. Australian 'comedian' interlude. Sports coverage on commercial television here is as news coverage on commercial television in the US. Actually, now that I think about it, so's news coverage. Thank god for the ABC and SBS.

Japan's Daisuke Takahashi: Why is he wearing a PLO scarf? With an Adam and the Ants vest? But LOVELY choreography. Oooh! And he's down! And straight back up, bless. He moves beautifully, too. Not as many techy bits as Evan, but I like his style more. And he's v pretty, too. He and Stephane could come over and explain the finer points of figure skating to me, Or read from the phone book. Or just stand there ... His choreography has changes of mood! And cockiness! HURRAH! I thought I would be dead of earnestness by halfway through this. Bless you artistic Japanese skaters! I have no idea who the Australian female skating commentator is, but she sounds like Raelene Boyle and I keep waiting for her to tell someone to piss off. Ah Daisuke, you ended with the 'do you love me?' arms, and yes, yes we do. How could we not? Though you're not as cute in a tracksuit. But who is?

American Johnny Weir!!: I like him for no better reason than he makes Eddie McGuire look like an idiot (Australian insider joke). And he's also pretty! Not convinced by the Aled Jones memorial singalong music, but I suppose MCR would have been too obviously emo. Lovely air in those jumps, and a beautiful line to his body. The Australian commentator has just said 'he wants a medal'. Der!  Ooh, drama in the choreography! And yet nothing much is happening. I suppose it's emo drama, after all. I wonder if he's on lj? Very old school in his long lines of steps and changes, which I rather like, but I think he might need a bit more flash to win, which is a shame as this is the most convincingly artistic so far. Ooh! There's some flash! And spirit fingers! YES! Talking about fingers, say no to suits that look as though they have white hand prints on your black bum ... he screwed up his earlier spin, but that one is terrific! And the traditional American chest-bashing ending, ah bless you, lamby! And I like the flower wreath ;-) And Lady Gaga references. (I know you have a Gerard Way poster in your room, Johnny, you can't fool me (It IS Gerard, isn't it? Oh I'm Gen X, I don't care.)) Nice post-interview, too -- Aussie girl: We love you! Johnny: Me too!

And Russian Evgeni Plushenko: Wearing ego, mullet and really awful bodysuit. Very manly starting stance. I can feel the testosterone! QUAD! TRIPLE! I Wish I Was in Riverdance Arms! Most masculine. And now a minor cock-up, followed by some lovely jumps and a good spin sequence. No, seriously, did Michael Flatley choreograph this? Plushenko's very good, but about as appealing as Flatley in connecting with the audience. Does that matter in skating? I suppose the judges will let me know. And what's with the medallion? Great jumps, though. And some more. And some more ...Now crazy legs and I think he needs to wee. DAMN YOU FLATLEY! Since you, choreographers think they can just mix a bit of this and that and everyone will like it! NO! It's like mixing all the spirits at the end of the cocktail party: it never works well! I like his spinny end, though. He's technically very good. He just needs a really serious makeover. He should ask Johnny. Maybe they could come together and forge a beautiful friendship? Though Evgeni, if he says 'Yeah, white hands on black bums!' draw the line. Unless, you know, it's somewhere private and you have a safe word.

And that's it for us, apparently. Channel Nine, you suck.

In happier news, HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday for captainsiri  and today for kudilu , may you both have hot people of any flavour you prefer appearing with gifts and footrubs!

Comments

[maevemist.livejournal.com]

I am cacking myself at the Riverdance references. That is the only one I saw, as I was watching season 1 of the Tudor's with my mum.

I love figure skating. The only move I know is the lutz but I can still tell when they bugger up and it is just such a pretty sport.

I have an overwhelming need to read Figure Skater!Draco and Ice Hockey Player!Harry fic now. I wonder if I know anyone who will write it for me?

As for this supposed 'mullet' that the television writers seem obsessed with today, is not even a mullet! unless mullet's are now worn upside down and I missed the memo.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I like it, even though I never can tell what will and won't score well. I did it as a school sport briefly, but never paid enough attention to get my head around what judges like, and it has all changed since then anyway ;-)

And I feel there will be a great deal of Winter Olympics H/D at some point! Rai's biathlon series MUST be in sketches by now ...

(That was a mullet, I'm sure, maybe just a minimullet, but one nonetheless!)

[franalan.livejournal.com]

Oh this is utter genius! I really need to track this down and watch it... *sigh* Eurosport better be showing it in France *pines for lack of BBC iplayer*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

DO! It's bound to be on YouTube ...

[ciel-vert.livejournal.com]

Evan definitely had an amazing performance, except yeah, I wasn't so fond of some of the choreography. I was really impressed by his attempt at a Slytherin costume though. It wasn't green, but all black with a silver snake around your collar seems close enough.

Plushenko was powerful, but he didn't skate his best and the artistry just wasn't there tonight. But I still unironically like the guy, so I'm happy he medaled.

I was really disappointed in the scoring for Johnny Weir. I thought both nights his performances were the most beautiful to watch, and aside from a tiny wobble in each, he was flawless. And I do think he at least had the difficulty to match everyone outside of Lysacek and Plushenko. He should have had the bronze, imho. (Notes: Lady Gaga references are because his exhibition skate is to her song Poker Face, which even though he didn't medal I really hope he still performs in. MCR is NOT an emo band, but I suspect Johnny's a fan too. :) And yes, it is Gerard.)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

MCR aren't emo? Then what on earth is going on with that hair and eye make-up? In MY day, punks looked like punks and hippies looked like hippies and post-punks looked unhappy and Manchester Sound aficionados patted your velvet jacket because they were off their faces on E ...

Of course, rocks were still soft and we had to battle dinosaurs on the way to go down pit afore school ...

Johnny definitely deserved more points. I think that his was the most artistically coherent performance. And I have to say that I heard none of those Gaga references, sadly, he quoted her in his post-performance interview here, with a rose wreath slapped on his head. I suspect the short programme here screened at 2am, after a documentary on paint thinners.

Plushenko is very good, but he seriously needs a choreographer and costume designer who likes him ;-)

[raitala.livejournal.com]

For all that they are lovely looking men, I found the men's singles very unsatisfying to watch. The importance of point-scoring elements, changes of direction, changes of speed, using different parts of the blade, blah blah, means that the choreography is struggling to retain any sense coherence and flow. The compromise struck between figure skating as dance and as sport seems mostly unhappy and unbeautiful to me. Whilst dancing like a cat on a hot tin roof takes a lot of skill, it mostly looks, as you so vividly put it, like someone dancing around horrible hairy spiders.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Apparently, that WAS the look they were going for. Who'd have thunk it?

[samena.livejournal.com]

At least you got Johnny Weir in the highlights coverage. Over here we get Eurosport, and they showed about 8 skaters who were eligible to end high, but they left out Johnny, even though he ended up being 6th (which was, of course, a rip off!). Mrmph. I saw his routine online this morning and I thought it was very emotional and genuine. I really love Johnny, and I think he deserves more credit, instead of tv commentators constantly discussing his sexuality, and stuff like that. I think he's great!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I think the tiny selection here was at least a good selection. Johnny was very worth seeing! And I agree with you that he deserved higher scoring. Alas, he is American, and so sex will dominate there as it always does. The Australian coverage was funny because the lead commentator, who is an idiot, said something that he thought was funny and many other people did not about Johnny the other night, and so tonight it was minutes of 'Isn't he terrific? And a great star in the making!' Johnny himself sent love to Eddie and promised to come and visit at some point: an excellent sense of piss-take that put Eddie in his place very nicely.

[brissygirl.livejournal.com]

did you know that we got gold this morning? in the women's half pipe (snowboarding)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I did see that! It was the one thing I've agreed on the scoring of, though it was terribly sad for some of the other girls who wiped out.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Hee! You never fail to amuse me, hon. ♥

That sucks about the coverage; I thought it would be broadcasted live everywhere. :(

I miss the days of Kurt Browning, Brian Boitano, Viktor Petrenko, Scott Hamilton and Brian Orser. And whoever else used to compete then. They ENTERTAINED. Sure, they were technically strong, and had the elements in there, but ... WOW. It used to be so much fun to watch. Especially when they actually played to the judges. :)

I'm pleased Evan won, because Pleshenko was such an ass. But neither one of them do much for me entertainment-wise. I preferred Stephane for the sheer beauty of it all - you know, when the routine and the music come together seamlessly (even with a few mistakes). I just plain enjoy watching him skate. He connects with the audience, and that's just better imho. Oh, and Johnny - even if the technical difficulty of his program isn't so high - is a pleasure to watch too. But yes, I was all WTF about the hands on the bum. A nice bum, btw, but still ...

Does it make me old when I long for the good ol' days?

And the joy of competing professionally with less of Da Rules interfering with the fun.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes it does. But not in a bad way! What a great clip, thank you for sharing it! That level of showmanship would be lovely to have back, or even more points for something as pleasant to watch as Stephane or Johnny. I always get bored when it's robot season ... Even Michael Schumacher was most fun when he was on edge.(Er, wrong sport, but I am excited about his comeback ;-)

It probably is live on pay TV here, but the likelihood of me ever being organised to get pay TV is pretty minimal. I couldn't even be arsed to sort a TV licence back home, just read books and went to a friend's to watch Doctor Who ;-)

[thisgirl-is.livejournal.com]

I am hoping that BBC can be convinced to show me the skating, as I have missed all but Plushenko's performance. I don't know a lot about the shoulds and shouldn'ts of figure-skating, but his choreography appeared to be entirely unrelated in way to his music. He had some amazing moves, but they were just sort of... there.

I look forward to Lysacek spiders/toffee factory routine. *crosses fingers* Come on, iPlayer.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

It must be on iPlayer. Or somewhere ...

And yes, it seemed to be the bits that linked his tricks, which was a bit unsatisfying, really. And yet the sticky spider choreography was even MORE baffling ...

[sherryillk.livejournal.com]

Wow, and here I thought Americans on the West Coast were the only ones who are so incredibly screwed when it comes to coverage of the Olympics...

I was so scared that I had spoilers in my little skating post, especially since it sucked majorly when I was spoiled myself for the short program. I just assumed everyone else in the world had already seen it at that point so anything I wrote would be okay...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Well, it is tomorrow here already ;-)

And not to worry, the news had spoiled me thoroughly, too. I watch for the bad costumes and the mad choreography!

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

I think I'm the only woman that doesn't like figure skating. period. I also don't like women's gymnastics.

I do like fantasising about myself as a skater, but that's different.

Give me speed-skating and short-track anyday, and men's hockey - yes! Graceful, (mostly) straight men skating and grabbing and hugging and hitting each other. YES!

*Skips through all of the BBC figure skating coverage*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I like everything that has any dance elements, mostly because I can tell me knees they should be nicer to me now I no longer make them do anything like that ;-)

And I think that is the first time I have heard ice hockey called graceful. But I hear you on the speed skating. Shani was AMAZING to watch the other night, as was the Canadian woman whose name I have forgotten today. I'm sick. Oh, all right, I'm vague as a vague thing ;-)

[sirra-scribbles.livejournal.com]

Weir's a darling. Though I didn't see his free skate, I did catch the replay of Weir's interview after his short program:

Interviewer: "What do you want to achieve today?"
Weir: "I want to connect with people. I want people to feel me. I want people of all ages, genders, orientations, races, sizes, nationalities, ... to feel like they're here with me."

Mostly I saw the women's half pipe, and I must say Bright definitely deserved her medal. Her first run was all sorts of ouch, but seemed only to motivate her in the second run. (Also, personal points for making cheering for her sound like a rabbinical war cry.)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Hee! Ah Torah, she's a classy chick :-)

That was the nicest thing about Johnny, he seemed to care about his sport as an artform far more than about the prospect of winning or losing.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Johnny Weir and Gerard would get along really well, I feel. They could critique each other's prancing techniques. ♥

I have actually watched no figure skating, except for two short program youtube vids. (Johnny Weir dancing to Lady Gaga and a Belgian dancing to Night on Bald Mountain. MUSSOGRSKY!) I was going to try and watch some of it last night, but my computer and the NBC Olympic site didn't agree. Alas. Earwax.

Reading your recaps has been very entertaining, though.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Johnny Weir and Gerard would get along really well, I feel. They could critique each other's prancing techniques. ♥

*SNORT!* You just know they would hand-calligraph the score cards ...

[auntpurl.livejournal.com]

I wish I could have you with me all the time and you could do commentary on my life. Would you like to come live in my pocket?

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

We need to get us some mad science going and make a little chibi brampton for such things.

[alex-s9.livejournal.com]

American Evan Lysacek: He's terribly good, but who choreographed this routine? He looks like a man fleeing giant spiders in a toffee factory. *Skate! Skate! Jump over spider! FLAIL! Have hands stuck to toffee and wave frantically!*

You know, dearie, sometimes you should just put a warning before your post. I have jaffa cake covered screen at the moment nad my cat doesn't appreciate me bursting into laughter so suddenly. No, sir.

*is going to watch this skater*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry! Jaffa cakes are a bugger to get out. Though I am sure you have caused me cat-affecting laughter in the past, too ;-)

[marcelmoonstone.livejournal.com]

*snorts*

Evan skates like he has a stick up his ass. The Russian phoned in his performance (and nobody answered).

*hugs our dear little Johnny* I would very much like to put MY hands on his lovely curvy bum!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I think you have the right of it and those are just helpful guides for would-be gropers :-)

[fourth_rose]

*giggles* To be honest, the only thing this entire competition did for me was make me really miss the days of Alexej Yagudin...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I found myself missing the French guy who did the musketeer routine, if only I could recall his name ...

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I haven't watched the Olympics in forever. But, if they had you as the color commentator, I would lay down cash money gladly.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

If you can, get your hands on a DVD of The Dream or The Ice Dream by Roy Slaven and HG Nelson. I am as nothing before their greatness.

[drgaellon]

Plushenko has ALWAYS had trouble connecting with audiences in formal competition... interestingly, he does much better in exhibition skates.

Weir is almost unspeakably pretty. Someone wrote Adam Lambert/Johnny Weir fic today, which I did not know I needed in my life until I read it. (It's on AO³, if you want to read it.)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I could see so much of my life disappearing if I took a step down that path ... treacle_tarlet's daughter had me in stitches with her declaration over Weir: 'Oh Mummy, he's so beautiful!'

[brinian.livejournal.com]

a man fleeing giant spiders in a toffee factory.

That was so much more effective than what I wrote: "I may be channeling Dick Button, but...ENOUGH with the flailing arms already!"

I was pulling for ANY one of the men with less flail and more flow to pull off a win. Takahashi, Oda, Weir - each of them made me happier than Lysacek and Plushenko put together - even with their bobbles.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Takahashi was really under-rated! I think if he had not had that one deduction he should have taken the gold. Alas, we didn't even get to see Oda, stupid channel 9!

[bonfoi.livejournal.com]

scribbulous_ink put up a comment on lupin_snape about how Lysacheck was Snapeish and Plushenko was Lupinesque...I didn't watch the skating but for the highlights and I had to agree.

To Lysachek's defense, he's the tallest skater out there at 6'2", without skates. Body mechanics does make skating awfully "flailish".

[drgaellon]

It's REALLY HARD to manage the big jumps when you're that tall! Lysacek may NEVER pull off a quad.

[lalaith-niniel.livejournal.com]

This was the best rundown of anything I've read in forever. You covered pretty much all of my points, but in a far more amusing manner!

[animeartistjo.livejournal.com]

Have you seen THIS yet? ;)

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

He looks like a man fleeing giant spiders in a toffee factory. *Skate! Skate! Jump over spider! FLAIL! Have hands stuck to toffee and wave frantically!* Madness, sheer madness!

OMG. Why are YOU not writing blogs for the Olympics? That is comedic genius, right there.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Oh God no! I covered Sydney 2000, never again! Between official sensitivities and athletes with egos the size of, er, mine, it was demented! Although if I had the time and money, it would be fun to take a fortnight out and just do it as a personal project. And then I could be mean! BTW, you are far too kind!

[adevyish.livejournal.com]

It's a pity all the videos are getting pulled down just as fast as they were uploaded because some of the earlier skaters were just as entertaining, like Javier Fernandez stumbling around drunkenly to Pirates of the Caribbean and Adrian Schultheiss's insane laughter. (Although perhaps it's a good thing that the earlier skaters aren't broadcasted, since I handily embarrassed myself while cheering for newcomers Denis Ten and Florent Amodio.)

[niennas-gift.livejournal.com]

God, I was riveted to the men's skating! To the point of missing sleep. I was a total sucker for the brooding Russian skater schtick - mullet or no mullet (plus the drive around St. Petersburg). But your right about the (dreaded) Flatley thing. I hadn't noticed it at the time, thank God.

P.S. You might not know what the hell I'm talking about because it was NBC here in U.S. that put together the whole "I'm-an-angsty-Russian" montage . . . maybe you can see it on YouTube. It's very heavyhanded, which means I fell for it instantly :D

[drgaellon]

Plushenko isn't broody, just pouty. :D