Dear cats

You are both dark-coloured felines. Our house has a blue carpet. Our hallway has a dark curtain between it and the living room (because there is no room to hang a door).

When Mr Brammers goes mad and decides to turn the hallway lights off rather than to dim, then goes to bed, this is not a sign that you should position yourselves in said hallway on the drape of said curtain at the exact spot that the light from the living room runs out. Because you will find yourself being trodden on, which you won't enjoy, and twisting my bung foot, which I won't enjoy, as I desperately struggle to not put my weight down mid-stride.

I am very glad that you were not hurt beyond a rush of panic, but now I will have to wear flats to the wedding tomorrow rather than heels, so when I am accused of making poor fashion choices, I will be blaming you.

Love,
The person who buys you the expensive kibbles. Start behaving or it will be generic brand varieties before too long.

Dear cats

You are both dark-coloured felines. Our house has a blue carpet. Our hallway has a dark curtain between it and the living room (because there is no room to hang a door).

When Mr Brammers goes mad and decides to turn the hallway lights off rather than to dim, then goes to bed, this is not a sign that you should position yourselves in said hallway on the drape of said curtain at the exact spot that the light from the living room runs out. Because you will find yourself being trodden on, which you won't enjoy, and twisting my bung foot, which I won't enjoy, as I desperately struggle to not put my weight down mid-stride.

I am very glad that you were not hurt beyond a rush of panic, but now I will have to wear flats to the wedding tomorrow rather than heels, so when I am accused of making poor fashion choices, I will be blaming you.

Love,
The person who buys you the expensive kibbles. Start behaving or it will be generic brand varieties before too long.