I come bearing fic!

I know that the title of this post will provoke one of three responses:
a. You write? How fascinating! I've been here for ages and I had no idea!
b. Yeah, bet it's not the conclusion of any of your WiPs.
c. It's from a fest, isn't it? Whatever happened to no fests?

To which I say: Yes, though sporadically -- at least I don't pretend to be organised. Er, no, it's not. And, look, it wasn't a fest, it was a FAIR. And hd_career_fair , but then a friend put up a prompt and since I failed miserably with her birthday fic this year, I thought I should give this a go. I wanted to write something deep, meaningful, affecting and insightful. As things turned out, not so much ... Thankfully, raitala was around to provide inspiration, artistic genius, and a solid boot to my arse.

I'm reposting it here in a slightly tidier version. My poor beta works under the most trying circumstances imaginable (i.e. with me).

Title: Little Red Courgette
Artist: raitala
Author: blamebrampton
Prompt Number: 179, from calanthe_fics
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Draco/Harry
Summary: When this season’s purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?
Warnings: Dreadful vegetable jokes and puns by the bushel. See that title? That’s quality compared to some of the stuff after the link.
Word Count: about 31,000
Author's Notes: Dearest Cal, I apologise profusely for everything that follows. vaysh made me. At least there’s lots of Draco! Sorry – I mean the Blond, darling Dragon the Slytherin sex-god.

Thank you an enormous amount to raitala , who thinks that she is not good at cartoons, to which I say AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And you will, too, after seeing them.

Thank you to brilliant jadzialove for her legendary beta skills with all of six minutes’ notice, to pingrid and raitala for encouragement above and beyond the call of fandom duty (and spotting some of my stupider typos), and to the mods for not sending out the goon squad as I missed every deadline set for me. You are all very lovely and patient beyond measure. If I didn’t already adore you all, I would start now.

The keen gardener who is reading will note that courgettes in this story are treated as though they are uniformly available in sizes above six inches. While this is the case in many greengrocers’, said keen gardener will also be aware that the better growers pick them and sell them smaller than this. Alas, this reality intruded on the comedy, and so was ignored. For the sake of this story, the wizarding world has long been held hostage to monster marrows.

Finally, Rowling and Bloomsbury italicise the ‘the’ in The Quibbler, but not in the Daily Prophet. Since both have the article in the masthead, this makes me froth at the inconsistency, but I have kept it. I also apologise to Ms Rowling and all those who profit from her for what I have done with her characters and situations. I do feel guilty, if that provides any consolation.

( Little Red Courgette )

Part 2

I come bearing fic!

I know that the title of this post will provoke one of three responses:
a. You write? How fascinating! I've been here for ages and I had no idea!
b. Yeah, bet it's not the conclusion of any of your WiPs.
c. It's from a fest, isn't it? Whatever happened to no fests?

To which I say: Yes, though sporadically -- at least I don't pretend to be organised. Er, no, it's not. And, look, it wasn't a fest, it was a FAIR. And hd_career_fair , but then a friend put up a prompt and since I failed miserably with her birthday fic this year, I thought I should give this a go. I wanted to write something deep, meaningful, affecting and insightful. As things turned out, not so much ... Thankfully, raitala was around to provide inspiration, artistic genius, and a solid boot to my arse.

I'm reposting it here in a slightly tidier version. My poor beta works under the most trying circumstances imaginable (i.e. with me).

Title: Little Red Courgette
Artist: raitala
Author: blamebrampton
Prompt Number: 179, from calanthe_fics
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Draco/Harry
Summary: When this season’s purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?
Warnings: Dreadful vegetable jokes and puns by the bushel. See that title? That’s quality compared to some of the stuff after the link.
Word Count: about 31,000
Author's Notes: Dearest Cal, I apologise profusely for everything that follows. vaysh made me. At least there’s lots of Draco! Sorry – I mean the Blond, darling Dragon the Slytherin sex-god.

Thank you an enormous amount to raitala , who thinks that she is not good at cartoons, to which I say AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And you will, too, after seeing them.

Thank you to brilliant jadzialove for her legendary beta skills with all of six minutes’ notice, to pingrid and raitala for encouragement above and beyond the call of fandom duty (and spotting some of my stupider typos), and to the mods for not sending out the goon squad as I missed every deadline set for me. You are all very lovely and patient beyond measure. If I didn’t already adore you all, I would start now.

The keen gardener who is reading will note that courgettes in this story are treated as though they are uniformly available in sizes above six inches. While this is the case in many greengrocers’, said keen gardener will also be aware that the better growers pick them and sell them smaller than this. Alas, this reality intruded on the comedy, and so was ignored. For the sake of this story, the wizarding world has long been held hostage to monster marrows.

Finally, Rowling and Bloomsbury italicise the ‘the’ in The Quibbler, but not in the Daily Prophet. Since both have the article in the masthead, this makes me froth at the inconsistency, but I have kept it. I also apologise to Ms Rowling and all those who profit from her for what I have done with her characters and situations. I do feel guilty, if that provides any consolation.

( Little Red Courgette )

Part 2

Little Red Courgette, Part two

Part one


( Part two )

Part three

Little Red Courgette, Part two

Part one


( Part two )

Part three

Little Red Courgette, Part three

Part one
Part two

( Part three )

Part four

Little Red Courgette, Part three

Part one
Part two

( Part three )

Part four

Little Red Courgette, Part four

Part one
Part two
Part three

( Part four )

Little Red Courgette, Part four

Part one
Part two
Part three

( Part four )