STILL not well, so you get men's skating.

Miles after everyone else on my flist has watched the men's skating final, it's shown here. We have only highlights coverage, so the top five or six, usually, and maybe someone who failed SPECTACULARLY. I'm also so VERY spoiled by you lot, so I am going to assume I am the last to know, and I am fairly certain my attention span will wander before I remember to mention who came first, second or third.

American Evan Lysacek: He's terribly good, but who choreographed this routine? He looks like a man fleeing giant spiders in a toffee factory. *Skate! Skate! Jump over spider! FLAIL! Have hands stuck to toffee and wave frantically!* Madness, sheer madness! All very excellent and precise and I have nothing interesting to say about him. Ho hum, he'll probably do very well.

Swiss Stephane Lambiel: Oh! He screwed up his first quad! (Does that mean he's mostly a man, Plushenko?) Who cares? He is SO PRETTY! And his choreography makes sense, even if it is tremendously Nureyev circa 1963 (actually, there's a lot of Nureyev about him). He can layover round here any time! And he has the haughty princess head toss (TM Roy & HG) down pat. I like the way he skates with his whole body rather than just remembering occasionally that he has arms and shoulders. And I liked his Loch Ness Monster hand puppetry in the spins, too!

Oh goody. Australian 'comedian' interlude. Sports coverage on commercial television here is as news coverage on commercial television in the US. Actually, now that I think about it, so's news coverage. Thank god for the ABC and SBS.

Japan's Daisuke Takahashi: Why is he wearing a PLO scarf? With an Adam and the Ants vest? But LOVELY choreography. Oooh! And he's down! And straight back up, bless. He moves beautifully, too. Not as many techy bits as Evan, but I like his style more. And he's v pretty, too. He and Stephane could come over and explain the finer points of figure skating to me, Or read from the phone book. Or just stand there ... His choreography has changes of mood! And cockiness! HURRAH! I thought I would be dead of earnestness by halfway through this. Bless you artistic Japanese skaters! I have no idea who the Australian female skating commentator is, but she sounds like Raelene Boyle and I keep waiting for her to tell someone to piss off. Ah Daisuke, you ended with the 'do you love me?' arms, and yes, yes we do. How could we not? Though you're not as cute in a tracksuit. But who is?

American Johnny Weir!!: I like him for no better reason than he makes Eddie McGuire look like an idiot (Australian insider joke). And he's also pretty! Not convinced by the Aled Jones memorial singalong music, but I suppose MCR would have been too obviously emo. Lovely air in those jumps, and a beautiful line to his body. The Australian commentator has just said 'he wants a medal'. Der!  Ooh, drama in the choreography! And yet nothing much is happening. I suppose it's emo drama, after all. I wonder if he's on lj? Very old school in his long lines of steps and changes, which I rather like, but I think he might need a bit more flash to win, which is a shame as this is the most convincingly artistic so far. Ooh! There's some flash! And spirit fingers! YES! Talking about fingers, say no to suits that look as though they have white hand prints on your black bum ... he screwed up his earlier spin, but that one is terrific! And the traditional American chest-bashing ending, ah bless you, lamby! And I like the flower wreath ;-) And Lady Gaga references. (I know you have a Gerard Way poster in your room, Johnny, you can't fool me (It IS Gerard, isn't it? Oh I'm Gen X, I don't care.)) Nice post-interview, too -- Aussie girl: We love you! Johnny: Me too!

And Russian Evgeni Plushenko: Wearing ego, mullet and really awful bodysuit. Very manly starting stance. I can feel the testosterone! QUAD! TRIPLE! I Wish I Was in Riverdance Arms! Most masculine. And now a minor cock-up, followed by some lovely jumps and a good spin sequence. No, seriously, did Michael Flatley choreograph this? Plushenko's very good, but about as appealing as Flatley in connecting with the audience. Does that matter in skating? I suppose the judges will let me know. And what's with the medallion? Great jumps, though. And some more. And some more ...Now crazy legs and I think he needs to wee. DAMN YOU FLATLEY! Since you, choreographers think they can just mix a bit of this and that and everyone will like it! NO! It's like mixing all the spirits at the end of the cocktail party: it never works well! I like his spinny end, though. He's technically very good. He just needs a really serious makeover. He should ask Johnny. Maybe they could come together and forge a beautiful friendship? Though Evgeni, if he says 'Yeah, white hands on black bums!' draw the line. Unless, you know, it's somewhere private and you have a safe word.

And that's it for us, apparently. Channel Nine, you suck.

In happier news, HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday for captainsiri  and today for kudilu , may you both have hot people of any flavour you prefer appearing with gifts and footrubs!

STILL not well, so you get men's skating.

Miles after everyone else on my flist has watched the men's skating final, it's shown here. We have only highlights coverage, so the top five or six, usually, and maybe someone who failed SPECTACULARLY. I'm also so VERY spoiled by you lot, so I am going to assume I am the last to know, and I am fairly certain my attention span will wander before I remember to mention who came first, second or third.

American Evan Lysacek: He's terribly good, but who choreographed this routine? He looks like a man fleeing giant spiders in a toffee factory. *Skate! Skate! Jump over spider! FLAIL! Have hands stuck to toffee and wave frantically!* Madness, sheer madness! All very excellent and precise and I have nothing interesting to say about him. Ho hum, he'll probably do very well.

Swiss Stephane Lambiel: Oh! He screwed up his first quad! (Does that mean he's mostly a man, Plushenko?) Who cares? He is SO PRETTY! And his choreography makes sense, even if it is tremendously Nureyev circa 1963 (actually, there's a lot of Nureyev about him). He can layover round here any time! And he has the haughty princess head toss (TM Roy & HG) down pat. I like the way he skates with his whole body rather than just remembering occasionally that he has arms and shoulders. And I liked his Loch Ness Monster hand puppetry in the spins, too!

Oh goody. Australian 'comedian' interlude. Sports coverage on commercial television here is as news coverage on commercial television in the US. Actually, now that I think about it, so's news coverage. Thank god for the ABC and SBS.

Japan's Daisuke Takahashi: Why is he wearing a PLO scarf? With an Adam and the Ants vest? But LOVELY choreography. Oooh! And he's down! And straight back up, bless. He moves beautifully, too. Not as many techy bits as Evan, but I like his style more. And he's v pretty, too. He and Stephane could come over and explain the finer points of figure skating to me, Or read from the phone book. Or just stand there ... His choreography has changes of mood! And cockiness! HURRAH! I thought I would be dead of earnestness by halfway through this. Bless you artistic Japanese skaters! I have no idea who the Australian female skating commentator is, but she sounds like Raelene Boyle and I keep waiting for her to tell someone to piss off. Ah Daisuke, you ended with the 'do you love me?' arms, and yes, yes we do. How could we not? Though you're not as cute in a tracksuit. But who is?

American Johnny Weir!!: I like him for no better reason than he makes Eddie McGuire look like an idiot (Australian insider joke). And he's also pretty! Not convinced by the Aled Jones memorial singalong music, but I suppose MCR would have been too obviously emo. Lovely air in those jumps, and a beautiful line to his body. The Australian commentator has just said 'he wants a medal'. Der!  Ooh, drama in the choreography! And yet nothing much is happening. I suppose it's emo drama, after all. I wonder if he's on lj? Very old school in his long lines of steps and changes, which I rather like, but I think he might need a bit more flash to win, which is a shame as this is the most convincingly artistic so far. Ooh! There's some flash! And spirit fingers! YES! Talking about fingers, say no to suits that look as though they have white hand prints on your black bum ... he screwed up his earlier spin, but that one is terrific! And the traditional American chest-bashing ending, ah bless you, lamby! And I like the flower wreath ;-) And Lady Gaga references. (I know you have a Gerard Way poster in your room, Johnny, you can't fool me (It IS Gerard, isn't it? Oh I'm Gen X, I don't care.)) Nice post-interview, too -- Aussie girl: We love you! Johnny: Me too!

And Russian Evgeni Plushenko: Wearing ego, mullet and really awful bodysuit. Very manly starting stance. I can feel the testosterone! QUAD! TRIPLE! I Wish I Was in Riverdance Arms! Most masculine. And now a minor cock-up, followed by some lovely jumps and a good spin sequence. No, seriously, did Michael Flatley choreograph this? Plushenko's very good, but about as appealing as Flatley in connecting with the audience. Does that matter in skating? I suppose the judges will let me know. And what's with the medallion? Great jumps, though. And some more. And some more ...Now crazy legs and I think he needs to wee. DAMN YOU FLATLEY! Since you, choreographers think they can just mix a bit of this and that and everyone will like it! NO! It's like mixing all the spirits at the end of the cocktail party: it never works well! I like his spinny end, though. He's technically very good. He just needs a really serious makeover. He should ask Johnny. Maybe they could come together and forge a beautiful friendship? Though Evgeni, if he says 'Yeah, white hands on black bums!' draw the line. Unless, you know, it's somewhere private and you have a safe word.

And that's it for us, apparently. Channel Nine, you suck.

In happier news, HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday for captainsiri  and today for kudilu , may you both have hot people of any flavour you prefer appearing with gifts and footrubs!