blamebrampton

For the aid of

shezan and others outside Australia wishing a decoder to the post of the other day, here you go, loves. Just a warning that this post is heavy on facts, leavened with opinion, and light on amusing dialogue and unflattering photos.
( THE CAST )

As in all narratives, there are scenes that had to be cut for space. A few key figures we missed include

DUMBLEDORE, played by Gough Whitlam. ( trimmed for indigenous readers, name and photo of deceased person below )

JAMES POTTER, played by Bob Hawke. Former Prime Minister, noted drinker, and legendary pantsman. Kevin Rudd's mentor, he began his political career in the trade union movement and then moved into Federal Parliament before, in a move that will by now have become familiar to those reading closely, he rolled Bill Hayden for leadership of the ALP, and won the 1983 election that followed swiftly on his rolling. His Prime Ministership was famous for a radical reconstruction of the economy, and the Accord, which saw an end to the fractious union actions of the late 70s and early 80s. He personally is more famous for drinking a yard of beer in record time while at Oxford, being a bit of an indiscriminate shagger, and going back on his deal to hand the Prime Ministership over to Paul Keating. And his ego, but that can be said of most of our characters.

SIRIUS BLACK, played by Paul Keating. He's a little bit Byron, a little bit hard-nosed economic rationalist. Often described as the politician you'd most like to shag but least like to have mind your dog (actual, not metaphorical,dog -- none of those scary ALP subtextual insults here!), he was treasurer of Australia during the heady Hawke years, including through 'the recession Australia had to have', then rolled Hawke for the leadership of the party. And that's the ALP rolling, which involves numbers, and late-night phonecalls and Graham Richardson-type figures, not the French-film rolling, which Hawke had previously been more used to. Unashamedly open at speaking his mind, whether calling Australia a potential banana republic or John Howard an actual desiccated coconut, he was not a nice PM, but by god he was an entertaining one. When challenged in 1992 or 3 by the then-leader of the Opposition as to why he had not called an election, he replied 'because I want to do you slowly'. An extensive dismantling of trade tariffs and privatisation of non-essential government assets were the hallmarks of his time in parliament, both as treasurer and PM, at the same time as building up government services such as Medicare, the socialised health care system. He was sometimes smarter than he was useful, such as when he refused economic stimulus in response to the economic downturns of the late 80s and early 90s. In the broad scope of things, he was right that the Australian economy could do with the correction, in the narrow scope he was wrong that the electorate would ultimately forgive him for the hardship. Despite winning the 'unwinnable' 1993 federal election, he was tossed out in 1996 in favour of John Howard. He did, however, make the Redfern Speech, which acknowledged the many ways in which the Australian government had failed indigenous peoples, and went some ways to rectifying some of those failures, and took a front line in recognising that Land Rights were inalienable. If he is lucky, this is what history will remember him for.

CORMAC McLAGGEN, played by Mark Latham, former Parliamentary Leader of the ALP, when in Opposition, loser of the 2004 Federal Election. Almost impossible to classify, this chap could just as easily have been Ludo Bagman, as he lives on past 'glories' or Rita Skeeter, as he is currently employed as a 'journalist' by the Nine Network, a role which seems to involve him leaping out of nowhere to monster current political figures. He was finally cast on the basis of his disturbing and somewhat threatening obsession with Hermione after he aggressively 'doorstopped' her some time after she had left a door. Happily, Hermione seems tough enough to cope. When she was asked on Q&A -- a current affairs show on the ABC -- by one wag: 'I’d be interested in your thoughts on a scale of one to 10 -- one being just bearable and 10 being massively annoying -- how big of a tool is Mark Latham?' She paused for a moment and gave a little laugh, before replying: 'There are some things that can’t be measured.'

THE AUSTRALIAN SEX PARTY, represented by Gilderoy Lockhart, for the simple reason that both are highly amusing.