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Tips for mothers on shared cycleways
* The little diagrams suggesting that you keep left are there, in fact, to suggest you keep left.
* When you choose to ignore them and walk in the middle of the path, do not look hugely surprised when people ring their bells to encourage you to look up from texting as you walk and make you aware of the oncoming bicycle.
* On becoming aware of the oncoming bicycle and noticing that your youngest child is on the right hand side of the path, at a point level with the cyclist, who is successfully negotiating a passing manoeuvre at low speed, do not shriek to the child, encouraging the wee lass to turn around and into the bike.
* On witnessing the cyclist performing an heroic avoidance effort while travelling uphill on a loaded bike with a confused and unpredictable toddler in the vicinity, do not run in front of the bike.
* On finding your toddler wholly avoided despite your best efforts to have her killed, do not call your other daughter to you, especially when she is six and very likely to run in front of the still-moving cyclist, who has just had to veer to the opposite side of the path to avoid ploughing into you.
* When the tried-beyond-endurance cyclist suggests that was less than optimal all round, do not open your mouth unless it is to apologise. Should the first words out of your mouth be 'You should have …', do not be surprised when the cyclist interrupts with: 'Mowed you down, I know' and rides off.
* When you choose to ignore them and walk in the middle of the path, do not look hugely surprised when people ring their bells to encourage you to look up from texting as you walk and make you aware of the oncoming bicycle.
* On becoming aware of the oncoming bicycle and noticing that your youngest child is on the right hand side of the path, at a point level with the cyclist, who is successfully negotiating a passing manoeuvre at low speed, do not shriek to the child, encouraging the wee lass to turn around and into the bike.
* On witnessing the cyclist performing an heroic avoidance effort while travelling uphill on a loaded bike with a confused and unpredictable toddler in the vicinity, do not run in front of the bike.
* On finding your toddler wholly avoided despite your best efforts to have her killed, do not call your other daughter to you, especially when she is six and very likely to run in front of the still-moving cyclist, who has just had to veer to the opposite side of the path to avoid ploughing into you.
* When the tried-beyond-endurance cyclist suggests that was less than optimal all round, do not open your mouth unless it is to apologise. Should the first words out of your mouth be 'You should have …', do not be surprised when the cyclist interrupts with: 'Mowed you down, I know' and rides off.