blamebrampton | Entries tagged with bicycles

* The little diagrams suggesting that you keep left are there, in fact, to suggest you keep left.

* When you choose to ignore them and walk in the middle of the path, do not look hugely surprised when people ring their bells to encourage you to look up from texting as you walk and make you aware of the oncoming bicycle.

* On becoming aware of the oncoming bicycle and noticing that your youngest child is on the right hand side of the path, at a point level with the cyclist, who is successfully negotiating a passing manoeuvre at low speed, do not shriek to the child, encouraging the wee lass to turn around and into the bike.

* On witnessing the cyclist performing an heroic avoidance effort while travelling uphill on a loaded bike with a confused and unpredictable toddler in the vicinity, do not run in front of the bike.

* On finding your toddler wholly avoided despite your best efforts to have her killed, do not call your other daughter to you, especially when she is six and very likely to run in front of the still-moving cyclist, who has just had to veer to the opposite side of the path to avoid ploughing into you.

* When the tried-beyond-endurance cyclist suggests that was less than optimal all round, do not open your mouth unless it is to apologise. Should the first words out of your mouth be 'You should have …', do not be surprised when the cyclist interrupts with: 'Mowed you down, I know' and rides off.

The very best thing about being English and Australian is that I can generally feel confident of a result in the cricket and can now feel tremendously smug about Olympics opening ceremonies. Of the ones I have seen (admittedly my first clear memory is of Moscow, which had the best mascot) London and Sydney have been the two best, in that order. Barcelona had moments of enormous beauty, and the rest are well behind.

I think it's because both London and Sydney were all about 'these are the things we celebrate, and we don't care if they're a bit weird'. Or maybe because there were serious depictions of a multicultural society with diverse sexualities and lifestyles in both ceremonies, which was fab and real. The Queen with fat corgis and James Bond was always going to see London come out ahead, regardless of the rest, but I did love the Tolkien homage, which went well with the theme of my weekend! And I had thought it would be hard to top the Sydney cauldron, with soaking Cathy Freeman and a stuck gear halfway up the waterfall, but that flower is a very beautiful thing.

In other news, the farm animals at the City Park Open Day turned out to be a petting zoo rather than horses and cows. I was unaware that bunnies are an Australian farm animal, and we decided to not join the traumatising crowds around the kids and calf. The kids were tremendously unconcerned because the manager was giving the children food for them, so all the pats were tolerable when accompanied by an all-you-can-eat buffet.

I went out to Blacktown to pick up the bike I accidentally bought on eBay after being thwarted by the trains last weekend. It was even better than its description had been! SO beautiful and in really good condition and with good parts, too! And an inch too big for me to ride. I thought I might be able to get away with it, because I have disproportionately long legs and can manage a 52cm frame in some makes, but no. So I arrived home, flung a leg over to check, could barely clear the crossbar, let alone the saddle, and informed Mr B that I had bought him a LOVELY PRESENT!

He was surprisingly keen on the idea and is even excited about the clipless pedals and is investigating shoes and cleats to wear with them. 'This was exactly the bike I wanted when I was a teenager!' he exclaimed. Me too, Mr B, me too.

To cheer me up, he put the new tyres we bought last weekend onto my mountain bike, which has been sitting in pieces for far too long. I took it out for a quick shakedown ride. The saddle was a bit low, so I put it up to what looked like a more reasonable height. It was a super comfy height for riding, but when I braked, I realised that my feet didn't actually reach the ground, and because one of them was still clipped in and the other one was flailing in the air above uneven ground, I did the traditional thing and fell over, happily landing on my arse but then having the bike land on me.

'Give me that,' said Mr B, who lowered the saddle to a compromise position. 'Now test it before you swing up onto the pedals. It's not a bloody horse!'

'I have a bruise!' I announced.

'Is that going to teach you to be more cautious about things?'

I burst out laughing. 'No, of course not! Don't be ridiculous!'

It is possible that Lilla My was a bad role model when I was a child …

brinian, I missed your birthday the other day, sorry! I hope that you had a lovely day and that the furry people in your house were all very well behaved and that cake and presents both made their way to you!

Apparently, about a week ago, I sleepwalked out to the computer and put a bid on a 1980s Japanese road bike on eBay. Which was very reasonably priced! and which I expected to go much higher than my bid. Guess what I am picking up on the weekend?

I promise to only ride it like a hipster – slowly and on the footpath ;-)

In news that will surprise no one, I was walking home from spin class tonight when I was nearly bowled over by a car coming out of the Carriageworks driveway. I gave a brief lecture on the illegality of cutting off pedestrians on pavements and the lack of right of way cars enjoy in such spaces. He looked deeply chastened, and mildly concerned that I might beat him with the foam massage roller I was carrying and unconsciously using to punctuate my exclamations. Thinking back, I probably should have.

Massage roller itself EXCELLENT for shoulder/arm soothing, though!

Recently, I was chatting about my increased cycling with

raitala, and she gently mocked me for buying lycra bike shorts with a padded arse. But the thing is, they're not a fashion statement, they're a necessity.

Something non-riders don't know is that cycling can put a lot of pressure on one's nether regions, and there's only so much you can compensate for that with a comfy saddle and a good bike set-up. So if one is putting in a bit of distance over a week, one can end up with problems in one's lady parts, if one is a lady, and anything from mildly numb groin to a bad case of cyclist's todger if one is not.

All of this is easily avoided with those ridiculous-looking pants, which have padded and absorbent sections that wick away sweat and stop issues developing. You don't need details. Unless you are a new lady cyclist with questions, in which case DM me and we'll talk.

But there are other products that are recommended, too, mostly along the same lines as the barrier creams/chafing cream that runners and equestrians use. Let's just say that they're a bit like lube in their ability to make things enormously more enjoyable, while not being really like lube and for the love of god do not let me catch you using them as such even in fic because most contain tea tree oil.

Now, as you can see by the above evasions, it's one of those things that cyclists talk about without talking about. But a lot of product names throw modesty to the wind, which is you can buy Hoo Ha Ride Glide, Chamois Butt'R, DZ Nuts High Viscosity Chafing Cream and, my fave, Aussie Butt Cream: for comfort down under.

In the bike shop today, I was pottering around while waiting and took a look at the chafing cream shelf. There, among the out and proud labels was a discreet, demure little pot in subtle green and white. 'Robbie McEwen Anti-Friction Chafing Cream', the label proclaimed in a manner designed to suggest one may require a tiny amount for dealing with an uncomfortable bra strap, or possibly a sock/ankle issue. It was the WASPiest cream in the world. I turned it over to check out the price.

You've guessed it. $6 more than the unsubtle ones.

Things have reached epic levels of chaos as Chez Brammers. Which is my excuse for the appalling tardiness of the following!

* The divine

sisi_rambles recorded a podfic of Marginal Notes! In May, which I failed to listen to then because I went from having bugger all work to ALL the work at once and which I may still have failed to hear any of if Mr Brammers had not mocked me for my many open Firefox tabs. He doesn't appreciate that I am a. Going for the record, and b. Working on stories ranging from spring-flowering trees to the movement towards non-growth-based economic indicators of success, which requires research!

Happily, his mockery led to actually checking to see what was open, which led to 'Oh cock, OK, let's download that one, and … actually, that's VERY good!' Draco is delicious, and superbly snarky Astoria made me giggle! Canadian accents FTW! Thanks, dear!

* The fabulously attractive

leemarchais has made a PDF from Little Red Courgette, including

raitala's genius cartoons! And it was within the last month! Click on the cover to proceed. Thank you!

* I have completely forgotten about a translation done by a lovely French person. I know it was French, because I could read it more or less, but that is all I currently recall. However, now that I have recalled that much, the rest will come back at some ridiculous hour, and I always have a notebook handy! Expect updates.

* Similarly, I received an email/PM from someone with the same birthday as me, and before I could write back, I both lost the message and completely failed to recall which medium/address it came through. Soon I will have time for an epic hunt!

* Work has gone mad, which is nice, after work being very thin on the ground at the start of the year. Alas, everyone wants everything at once and is taking 2-3 months to pay invoices. I may have to break out the ukulele and busk for lunch money.

* I have a pub bike! Which is the bike that is so crap and cheap you don't mind it being stolen and can therefore ride it to the gym or to music festivals, as opposed to my beautiful Lady Bike and my treasured mountain bike, which are both precious and expensive. The pub bike came for free, and I am thinking I overpaid at that. After a quick home service it is running functionally and will work through half its gears (the brakes are great, which is the important bit!) but it knows I don't love it and I have a gouge down my right shin from the kickstand, which is slated for removal tomorrow!

I think I actually want a new road bike, since I had forgotten how much fun it is to go fast on a light piece of kit. This was brought home to me when I had to ride Mr Brammer's bike to a meeting the other day: I had planned to ride my Lady Bike as the meeting was at an outdoor cafe a suburb away. He offered to pump up my tyres while I got dressed. He did. A bit too much, and one of the tubes went BOOM when I carried my bike outside. Scared the cat …

So there I was with 10 minutes to get there, and my helmet and gloves on and purse in my basket. He said 'Ride my bike!' I said 'OK!' and took my bike back in, grabbed my phone and notebook from my purse and stuffed them down my bra, then jumped onto his bike on which I barely cleared the crossbar. It took me the first kilometre to remember how to use his style of gears, and I am not convinced that a skirt and heels is the best outfit for that style of bike, however, I did have leggings on, and he has clips rather than cleats, so it wasn't disastrous. I did get a bit of a look when I fished my gear out of my bra at the other end, but I choose to interpret it as the look of 'Now THAT's a plucky girl reporter!' And I did get the gig.

The downsides to a road bike are that I currently have no cash, four bikes probably is too many for one woman, and I would just take to riding faster and further and then get killed, because this is Sydney. Might just stick to spin classes, my Lady Bike and bush bashing for now … but I can feel my resolve may well crumble once the Tour starts.