Dear Stephenie Meyer

[blamebrampton]

Please find an editor who cares for you.

No, I've not taken to reading Twilight, though if my H/D flist doesn't stop its dramas, then I will, and I will devote myself to Mary Sue het fic until people either cheer up or defriend me.

But to those dear friends who have been sending me messages of horror from the BD trenches, I feel your pain.

ETA: Thanks to trubbleclef's kind alerting, you can save yourself the actual horror by reading cleolinda's genius potted version here.

In happier YA fiction news, Martin Millar has a new book out called Lonely Werewolf Girl. I am only 1/5 of the way through its 500+ pages, but am loving it. He has an idiosyncratic style, but it is so much realer and so much more a part of the modern world than Myer could ever hope for. Hunt it down, and ignore the fact that his publishers have mediocre typeset designers on staff.

So far there is a werewolf battle that spans the Highlands of Scotland and the subcultures of London, a laudanum-addicted heroine who is being hunted by at least four sets of enemies, her fashion deisgner/sorceress/werewolf sister who is struggling to complete her next collection, two naive humans who were just hoping for an easy move and regular supply of takeaway pizza, and a transvestite would-be Thane of the werewolves who happens to be the older brother of the aforementioned two undead.

It's delicious.

ETA: I HAVE to get to Wellington. These shoes in apple green are calling to me!

Comments

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

The book sounds fun.

The shoes look... nice, if a little unsparkly. And flat. And ~tilts head~ where are the shiny shiny buckles.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Alas, I am a little cripple girl and cannot walk in proper heels due to one too many exploded bones in the feet. Apple green is as exciting as I can hope for.

Millar is the writer that Neil Gaiman wishes he could be; full of real magic and real cities, where gods and monsters walk alongside innocents and only occasionally rip their heads off.

[empress-jae.livejournal.com]

*snort* twilight.

or as the tweens over at ohnotheydidnt call it, TWATLIGHT.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

They are so right.

I am told that she is amazingly pregnant after a fortnight and can feel the baby moving, yet expresses no horror at the madness of this.

DO THEY NOT TEACH BIOLOGY IN MORMON SCHOOL?

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Um, I'm pretty cheery. Please don't leave! *clings*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, I won't *leave*, I'd just subject you to:

"Oh Emma," breathed Edward. "I had thought that Bella was the perfect woman, but while she smelled of freesias, you smell of heliotrope because your botanical knowledge is more sophisticated than that other bint's."

Emma tossed her hip-length hair. "You're a married vampire, Edward, and I prefer dog-face over there."

"But you are so little and pale and your accent is so warm yet commanding. I covet your well-read humour!"

(I was going to Mary-Sue some more at this point, but my brain has just threatened to aneurysm if I don't stop.)

[aunt-agatha.livejournal.com]

I WANT THEM TOO. THEY'RE ADORABLE.

Did you read cleolinda's synopsis/review thingie? Good read!!!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

We should all go to Wellington!

No, but I will now!

[beatnikspinster.livejournal.com]

Meyer was just interviewed on the morning news show. Oh man, so annoying and clueless. That's why her vampires are sparkly: they're Mormon vampires.

I'll check out the reading rec.

Oh god! Those are great shoes! No online sales is evil. Can you order over the phone?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

They want you to try them on in person to make sure they fit. But I found out about them from a woman on the train who was wearing such a spectacular pair of shoes that I had to ask her where they came from and she told me that she had just emailed and begged until they caved in.

I have to be in Wellington soon, anyway, so I can try on a stack of pairs and know my size ever after in their lasts. Mmmmmm green shoes ...

I am reading the link from Trubble above -- SO HILARIOUS! Click and enjoy!

[jackieohno.livejournal.com]

I love reading (good) YA fiction. Lonely Werewolf Girl sounds right up my alley, except I have about ten other books to get through first.

Re: Stephanie Meyer -- I am mostly creeped out by what her idea of a perfect relationship is: emotionally abusive, with a distant boyfriend/boy-space-friend who blows hot and cold all the time (or at least that's what I get from what I've read about the books). I mean, come on.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

YES! And then with vampire babies. And icy marble sex. I worry about her children ...

I have about 10 other books to get through, too, but I have put them all to one side. Transvestite werewolf would-be kings, after all ...

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

My sister, who adores Twilight, informs me that BD is horrible.

...at least she has that much sense left

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

All hope is not lost for her. Give her some Susan Cooper, it'll do her good!

[absynthedrinker.livejournal.com]

You are absolutely right those shoes in apple green would be divine. I might also like to see them in a pale butter yellow, Cute!

I dislike all things Stephenie Meyer as can be read in my joournal entry of March 10

Thanks for the heads up on Martin M's new book.

Peace,
Bubba

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

You are a Right Thinking Person, and as such I will invite you when I fly over to stage my intervention with her publishers (not that it will work while people fork out their hard-earned for this trash, but still, I'll feel happier.)

Pale butter yellow shoes would be lovely! But I would have nothing to wear them with. And having made it somewhat further through LWG, it continues excellent.

[abusing-sarcasm.livejournal.com]

I admit that I read Twilight (mostly to see what the hype was all about), but I couldn't bring myself to continue the series. When there's a published author and I think to myself, even *I* could do a better job than this, it's just too sad.

Although, I admit that I am tempted to try my hand at really barfy teen vampire fiction. I mean, what the hell, right? I could be rich, too...

And I love those shoes! I have a fetish for green shoes... It's a thing.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Green shoes rock!

I think that you should try barfy vamp fic. Or perhaps werewolf, since SM is all over the vamp scene like a rash. And what's this 'even' business, you are a million miles better than her! At least she will be able to feed and clothe her family, which is something.

[potteresque_ire]

Oh, those shoes are a darling. I would have gotten them too. :)

I've heard a little about the outburst on Breaking Dawn. I haven't read the series - the central theme has not struck me as appealing ... high school romance rarely rang true to me because I didn't have any and is bitter :D. I like HP because of the larger themes of war and social injustice; the romance is like icing on the cake, or broccoli beside the steak depends on which pairing one ships :) .. that said, I may still pick Twilight up and some point just to read for fun - I do feel bad for the readers who're disappointed by the ending, and I am thankful for JKR rounding up HP nicely, at least, to me :).

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I want to punch every journo who is calling Meyer the new JKR. While JKR occasionally annoyed me, she is a talented writer with internally consistent books and emotional journeys that make sense. I love her more in the lens of Stephenie!

And yes, first love = demented choices for most people, and it's bad practise to suggest otherwise! Grrrr!

[goddessriss.livejournal.com]

Have just read that review. Hilarious, but I'm SO glad I never read Twilight. Please, for the love of gods of all types, no more het Mary-Sue fic!

I love the shoes. I have some similar in red. Yum. You definitely need 'em.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I would be on a plane already if they also came in red! And yes, I considered reading Twilight for the crackery but cannot bear the pain.

[pingrid.livejournal.com]

Shoes: looove the colour of the leaf green. Is that the same one? But - is it the angle of the pic, or is the heel a bit blocky and and odd fit for the cute shape of the rest?

I covet their red T-bars! And the Hannah too; I don't have any '40s compatible walking shoes. I am deprived. And cannot go to Wellington. Must try to find solace in local shoe shops. And play.com, which has just sold me Lonely Werewolf Girl, yay.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

The heel is a bit blocky, but I am a little cripple lady and limp like a limpet, so lesbian shoes are FTW. Though I love and worship the Hannah and would happily sit still for hours in them.

Ooh, I hope you like LGW!

[grey-hunter.livejournal.com]

Haha. I'm not really into werewolves and vampires (yes, yes, I know what I'm writing) but now I also want to read that book. :D

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Transvestites! It also has transvestites! (albeit werewolf ones)

So.

[wemyss.livejournal.com]

Those would be, ah, Wellington ... boots ... in green, then?

[/Wurzels-like, rural humour]

Re: So.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

HA! That would be THESE: http://www.minniecooper.co.nz/catalog/index.php?cPath=29

And if any of them came in green, I would be on a plane this instant!

[sporkmetender.livejournal.com]

I loved Lonely Werewolf Girl! That man is a genius. I'm glad others are over the ridiculous Twilight craze. Seriously. I haven't even read any of it and it's driving me crazy.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Just another 300 pages to go and I can rave with you about it. I cannot believe no one mentioned it to me! I only found it because I happened to glance at a shelf in Kinokuniya.

[tnumfive.livejournal.com]

I read Breaking Dawn. *contains mirth*

It's hilarious. Maybe because I'm only a casual fan, but at first there was this sense of shocked disbelief. That woman could not have possibly conned me out of $15 for THIS. Then I read some more and there the shock moved to amusement. It's like a 12-year-old fanficcer switched manuscripts at the last moment, and Stephenie Meyer hasn't noticed yet.

How someone could possibly write 4 books that revolve around vampires and werewolves and yet get pretty much all of the mythology wrong is beyond me. How that person can then somehow confuse vampires and incubi is even worse.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

DEATHBABY WITH TEEEEEEEEETH!

I think your theory has some serious legs! And in answer to your questions: lack of public library funding!

[tomatoe18.livejournal.com]

Don't tell anyone I work with but I am not proud we're selling Breaking Dawn. Or any of the Twilight books. Every time I see the books on display in the story, I feel like printing some of the glorious fanfics I've read in H/D fandom and sell THOSE instead. God knows the writing is much better.

Oh, and, I'm having serious complaints about the publisher of this series. Don't get me started on that one or we'll be here all day. *rolls eyes*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Clearly the publisher has no morals or they would not let that poor woman shame herself so!