Dear Stephenie Meyer

[blamebrampton]

Please find an editor who cares for you.

No, I've not taken to reading Twilight, though if my H/D flist doesn't stop its dramas, then I will, and I will devote myself to Mary Sue het fic until people either cheer up or defriend me.

But to those dear friends who have been sending me messages of horror from the BD trenches, I feel your pain.

ETA: Thanks to trubbleclef's kind alerting, you can save yourself the actual horror by reading cleolinda's genius potted version here.

In happier YA fiction news, Martin Millar has a new book out called Lonely Werewolf Girl. I am only 1/5 of the way through its 500+ pages, but am loving it. He has an idiosyncratic style, but it is so much realer and so much more a part of the modern world than Myer could ever hope for. Hunt it down, and ignore the fact that his publishers have mediocre typeset designers on staff.

So far there is a werewolf battle that spans the Highlands of Scotland and the subcultures of London, a laudanum-addicted heroine who is being hunted by at least four sets of enemies, her fashion deisgner/sorceress/werewolf sister who is struggling to complete her next collection, two naive humans who were just hoping for an easy move and regular supply of takeaway pizza, and a transvestite would-be Thane of the werewolves who happens to be the older brother of the aforementioned two undead.

It's delicious.

ETA: I HAVE to get to Wellington. These shoes in apple green are calling to me!

Comments

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

The book sounds fun.

The shoes look... nice, if a little unsparkly. And flat. And ~tilts head~ where are the shiny shiny buckles.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Alas, I am a little cripple girl and cannot walk in proper heels due to one too many exploded bones in the feet. Apple green is as exciting as I can hope for.

Millar is the writer that Neil Gaiman wishes he could be; full of real magic and real cities, where gods and monsters walk alongside innocents and only occasionally rip their heads off.

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

Oh I am sorry. Though I can't walk in them either very often.

Oooh he does sound fun then.

[empress-jae.livejournal.com]

*snort* twilight.

or as the tweens over at ohnotheydidnt call it, TWATLIGHT.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I admire killer heels on others. And when I am rich enough to have little men to follow me around everywhere, I shall purchase many pairs and wear them while I sit in state and am admired by all.

Then I will snap my fingers and have my walking shoe man appear and change my footwear so that I can progress to the site of my next tableau, before changing back, and so on.

He IS. If you can't find LWG easily, see if any copies of Milk, Sulphate and Alby Starvation or The Good Fairies of New York are lurking about.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

They are so right.

I am told that she is amazingly pregnant after a fortnight and can feel the baby moving, yet expresses no horror at the madness of this.

DO THEY NOT TEACH BIOLOGY IN MORMON SCHOOL?

[empress-jae.livejournal.com]

what i don't understand is HOW she became pregnant. i almost choked when i read that fuckery.

the last i checked, vampires can't procreate. isn't that like...the standing rule of vampire novels? don't they teach that on the first day of vampire lit 101?

ETA: oh...and when i said "read that fuckery", i meant read as in online spoiliers. i would never waste money on that crap. :)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. Exactly. Clearly they don't even teach vampire biology in Mormon school!

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Um, I'm pretty cheery. Please don't leave! *clings*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, I won't *leave*, I'd just subject you to:

"Oh Emma," breathed Edward. "I had thought that Bella was the perfect woman, but while she smelled of freesias, you smell of heliotrope because your botanical knowledge is more sophisticated than that other bint's."

Emma tossed her hip-length hair. "You're a married vampire, Edward, and I prefer dog-face over there."

"But you are so little and pale and your accent is so warm yet commanding. I covet your well-read humour!"

(I was going to Mary-Sue some more at this point, but my brain has just threatened to aneurysm if I don't stop.)

[aunt-agatha.livejournal.com]

I WANT THEM TOO. THEY'RE ADORABLE.

Did you read cleolinda's synopsis/review thingie? Good read!!!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

We should all go to Wellington!

No, but I will now!

[beatnikspinster.livejournal.com]

Meyer was just interviewed on the morning news show. Oh man, so annoying and clueless. That's why her vampires are sparkly: they're Mormon vampires.

I'll check out the reading rec.

Oh god! Those are great shoes! No online sales is evil. Can you order over the phone?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

They want you to try them on in person to make sure they fit. But I found out about them from a woman on the train who was wearing such a spectacular pair of shoes that I had to ask her where they came from and she told me that she had just emailed and begged until they caved in.

I have to be in Wellington soon, anyway, so I can try on a stack of pairs and know my size ever after in their lasts. Mmmmmm green shoes ...

I am reading the link from Trubble above -- SO HILARIOUS! Click and enjoy!

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Thank you ... for stopping. Much appreciated. ;D

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I am reading cleolinda's sporktastic review (see the link from trubble below, or possibly above) and I am afraid that I HAVE NOT BEEN MEAN ENOUGH! It's unbelievably awful stuff ...

[jackieohno.livejournal.com]

I love reading (good) YA fiction. Lonely Werewolf Girl sounds right up my alley, except I have about ten other books to get through first.

Re: Stephanie Meyer -- I am mostly creeped out by what her idea of a perfect relationship is: emotionally abusive, with a distant boyfriend/boy-space-friend who blows hot and cold all the time (or at least that's what I get from what I've read about the books). I mean, come on.

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

My sister, who adores Twilight, informs me that BD is horrible.

...at least she has that much sense left

[absynthedrinker.livejournal.com]

You are absolutely right those shoes in apple green would be divine. I might also like to see them in a pale butter yellow, Cute!

I dislike all things Stephenie Meyer as can be read in my joournal entry of March 10

Thanks for the heads up on Martin M's new book.

Peace,
Bubba

[abusing-sarcasm.livejournal.com]

I admit that I read Twilight (mostly to see what the hype was all about), but I couldn't bring myself to continue the series. When there's a published author and I think to myself, even *I* could do a better job than this, it's just too sad.

Although, I admit that I am tempted to try my hand at really barfy teen vampire fiction. I mean, what the hell, right? I could be rich, too...

And I love those shoes! I have a fetish for green shoes... It's a thing.

[potteresque_ire]

Oh, those shoes are a darling. I would have gotten them too. :)

I've heard a little about the outburst on Breaking Dawn. I haven't read the series - the central theme has not struck me as appealing ... high school romance rarely rang true to me because I didn't have any and is bitter :D. I like HP because of the larger themes of war and social injustice; the romance is like icing on the cake, or broccoli beside the steak depends on which pairing one ships :) .. that said, I may still pick Twilight up and some point just to read for fun - I do feel bad for the readers who're disappointed by the ending, and I am thankful for JKR rounding up HP nicely, at least, to me :).

[goddessriss.livejournal.com]

Have just read that review. Hilarious, but I'm SO glad I never read Twilight. Please, for the love of gods of all types, no more het Mary-Sue fic!

I love the shoes. I have some similar in red. Yum. You definitely need 'em.

[pingrid.livejournal.com]

Shoes: looove the colour of the leaf green. Is that the same one? But - is it the angle of the pic, or is the heel a bit blocky and and odd fit for the cute shape of the rest?

I covet their red T-bars! And the Hannah too; I don't have any '40s compatible walking shoes. I am deprived. And cannot go to Wellington. Must try to find solace in local shoe shops. And play.com, which has just sold me Lonely Werewolf Girl, yay.

[grey-hunter.livejournal.com]

Haha. I'm not really into werewolves and vampires (yes, yes, I know what I'm writing) but now I also want to read that book. :D

So.

[wemyss.livejournal.com]

Those would be, ah, Wellington ... boots ... in green, then?

[/Wurzels-like, rural humour]