Of Great Price, Part II

[blamebrampton]

It was Peter who came up with the idea of learning to be Animagi. More or less.

James was working on the idea that we would buy Remus a lion from Harrod’s. He’d read a story in one of my magazines that convinced him it was a workable plan. I had filled the Shrieking Shack with ropes and balls and cow bones every month for Remus to worry. Peter, who had spent the days before and after the first full moon after being told with his wand in his hand, just rolled his eyes and declared that with all this fuss, it would be easier if Lupin did bite us, so we could be werewolves, too.

He was smart enough to say it out of Remus’s hearing, so I didn’t need to smack him, though I was tempted to anyway, for form’s sake. But it made me think.

‘Werewolves only attack humans, unless they want to eat,’ I mused.

‘Thank you so much, Black, I had never realised, but you are a font of information,’ James replied helpfully.

‘Shut up Potter, you wally. I’m thinking.’

‘I can hear the whirring from here.’

‘Oh, the hilarity.’ I paced the room for a few minutes, finally flopping down on James’s bed. ‘I have a plan,’ I announced. ‘And, needless to say, it is genius. Pettigrew, you were right.’

‘I was?’ he squeaked.

‘Except for the bit about us being werewolves. But we could be wolves!’ I announced with a flourish.

They looked at me. Expectantly. For about a minute.

‘And?’ James finally prodded.

‘That’s it.’

‘That’s the plan?’

‘That’s the plan.’

‘But Polyjuice doesn’t work with animals,’ Peter protested, ‘It won’t work. And anyway, he’d know what we are underneath.’

‘He’s not talking about Polyjuice,’ James realised.

‘I am not,’ I confirmed.

‘He’s talking about becoming Animagi.’

‘That is correct.’

James grinned at me and I grinned back at him. Peter gibbered at me, pointing his finger and shaking his head.

‘Oh come on,’ I grinned encouragingly at him. ‘How hard can it be?’

Three years later, we stopped Remus as he left Hogwarts. It was a few weeks after the start of fifth year, and the full moon was conveniently on a Saturday. 

‘Moony, do you have a minute?’ I asked.

He glanced at his watch. ‘Sure, half an hour, what’s up?’

‘I’ve something to show you. Won’t take that long. Walk with you to Hogsmeade?’

We ambled out through the school gates, enjoying the new freedoms that came with being OWLs students. I teased him about his prefecture, again, he ignored me, again. He asked which girl I was bothering this week, and I barked. He walked a few steps, then turned towards me. Then looked down.

‘Sirius?’

I put my paws on his shoulders and licked his face.

Laughing, he pushed me off. ‘Sirius? That’s really you? How in Circe’s name did you …’ He stopped, and looked at me quietly. ‘That’s really you.’

I changed back, my hands still on his shoulders. ‘It is. Occurred to me you might like some company.’

He smiled that smile of his, and I gathered him into a hug.

‘A big black dog,’ he said, laughing. ‘Of course you are.’

I stepped back and grinned at him. ‘Irish wolfhound, I’d say. And there’s more.’

We rounded the corner and were met by a stag with a rat standing up proudly on its hind legs. Remus looked from them to my nodding smile, and back again. He burst out into gales of laughter, to the point that I had to hold him up.

James transfigured back and joined in. ‘We knew you’d be impressed. Did you note the mightiness of my antlers and nobility of my stance?’

‘You’re a regular monarch of the glen, Potter,’ Remus laughed. ‘And Pettigrew, well done, a much more practical choice than either of these egomaniacs. No one would suspect you of compensating for anything.’

Peter shifted back to his rightful form and smiled brightly. ‘You really think so?’

‘I do,’ Remus reassured him. ‘So I take it that the three of you plan to test out the whole not-dangerous-to-animals theory tonight.’

‘Very quick, Moony!’ I congratulated him. ‘As I see it, should it turn out that you are in fact a slathering sociopath of the animal world, I’ll be able to hold you at bay long enough for James to change back and Shield me while we both run from the Shack, and Peter will be small enough to run through the cracks in the walls.’

‘What if I turn on James first?’

‘Evans will love you forever.’

‘Hey! Don’t listen to him. If you turn on me, Sirius will throw himself in front of me in a selfless bid to keep his best friends from rending each other to pieces. It will be a tragic loss and Evans will comfort me.’

Remus shook his head at the stupidity. ‘Who’ll comfort me?’

I flung a casual arm around his shoulders. ‘I’ll come back from the dead to haunt you and keep you company while these two eschew the bonds of brotherhood for cheap floozies.’

‘Evans is not cheap,’ James began to explain as we resumed the walk.

But I didn’t listen to his detailed break-down of the cost of gifts to date. I was too busy concentrating on Remus’s smile, and his muttered ‘Well, that will be all right, then.’

.............................................

The Healers mended the bones, but it was several days before I could walk about the flat with anything approaching steadiness. Remus threatened to tie me to the bed, and I promised to enjoy it. James and Lily came by and cooked proper meals for us, ruining all our fun, but with care and love.

Peter was in and out of the flat with fruit baskets and bunches of flowers; he was mortified that the whole thing had been caused by his misunderstanding, he’d thought the dinner was for another night and had gone off for a game of darts with his cousin.

I reassured him that there was no lasting harm done, once Remus had retrieved the bike and it had turned out to have no worse damage than a scraped exhaust. It didn’t stop Peter doing our laundry and our dishes, and Remus encouraged me to stop forgiving him until the house was clean.

On my third day at home, there was a loud knock at the door.

Remus came into the bedroom, frowning. ‘Don’t get upset,’ he told me.

He moved from the doorway to reveal my father.

We blinked at each other a few times. For a moment, I was genuinely touched.

He took a half-step towards me. ‘Sirius, is he here? Are you hiding him?’

Realisation came swiftly. ‘Reggie? No, I saw him when I was in the hospital, but not since.’

‘None of your people have …’ his voice was barely more than a whisper.

I shook my head decisively. ‘I was the last one attacked. He came to see me, to check I was all right.’

My father groaned. ‘Stupid, stupid! He can’t be seen with you!’

‘I told him to stay!’ I insisted. ‘I told him I’d take care of him! But he left while we were sleeping.’

My father closed his eyes, and stood very still for a long minute. ‘He hasn’t been home. Kreacher can’t find him. I think you got him killed.’

It felt as though I had stepped from a high place with nothing beneath me. ‘I told him to stay,’ I whispered. ‘He told me he had things to do. I thought he would come here when he could.’

Father looked at me sadly. ‘I know you did. Maybe he meant to. But then you’d just have got him killed a little later.’

He came to my bedside then, and kissed my forehead gently. ‘Goodbye, son. I loved the both of you, remember that. I’ll mourn you equally.’

‘Dad, I’m not dead.’

He turned and walked towards the door.

‘Dad!’ I called after him, ‘I’m not dead!’

I tried to chase after him, but the dizziness overtook me before I even made it to the door and Remus was too busy catching me to catch him.

‘I told him to stay,’ I repeated.

‘You did,’ Remus agreed, holding me tightly. ‘I think he wanted to. But I think he had to come in his own way.’

‘And they’ve killed him first.’

‘Maybe he’s just away? Maybe he’s fled?’

I shook my head bitterly. ‘Kreacher could always find him. When we were little and he’d hide in these stupid places, she’d send Kreacher after him and he’d Apparate him back. He could always find him.’

Remus held me tighter, and we both sank to the floor.

When my father died seven weeks later, I was told to stay away from the funeral. I did.

..........................................

Things at home had never been spectacular. Mother threw a book at my head when I taught Regulus to say ‘groovy’ the year before he started school. That should probably have been a sign.

But for the most part, it was a normal family. We sat down for dinner of an evening, had family spells, laughed when visitors were caught by the curtains. We yelled at each other, but no more so than most.

We had our little traditions and our little jokes. To this day I can blazon our arms: per chevron inverted sable and argent, three ravens close, on a chevron inverted gules a seme estoily sable, a gauntlet dexter grasping a wand, proper. Though I never held by the motto.

If it hadn’t been for Voldemort, we might have gone on like this forever. Mother would have railed against my Muggle posters, Regulus would have been the Good One, Father would have poured me a drink on the sly in his study of an evening until I turned seventeen and could take one at the table. It wasn’t so bad.

But Voldemort poisoned everything he touched. Underneath the surface the war bubbled away, infecting all of us. The Prophet stopped reporting attacks, stopped even reporting the names of the dead. One day there would be a family who worked to make you hand-tailored robes, the next day they would have disappeared and you would be shopping at Madame Malkin’s with the hoi polloi.

I subscribed to The Times and The Sun. There was a lot of news in the latter that the former never covered and the Page Three girls were a mere happy accident. In later years, I came to rely on the tabloid for headlines such as ‘Wolves Ate My Chickens’ and ‘Houses Crushed in Landslide: “Like Giant Stomped on Them”’. Even in those earlier days, the broadsheet had the most accurate obituaries column in the country, and I knew enough to recognise the names of the Muggleborn and part-Muggle as they began to appear regularly.

Mother was appalled that I’d have such filth in the house, so I had them delivered to a post office box in the holidays and only brought home clippings. Kreacher reported the box under my bed one summer, even though I had it carefully labelled Big Busty Brunettes. Maybe he was smarter than I thought and could see the obvious fallacy there.

James always blamed Mother for me leaving home, but if I am being honest, and I am trying to be, we were both at fault.

Because there was no real need for me to paint my room in Gryffindor colours and wear my scarf at home. And I am fairly sure that everyone understood we’d won the house cup over Slytherin on my first mention each year, and the subsequent few hundred were probably redundant.

Remus once pointed out that Mother and I were very much alike and, though I threatened to punch him for it, he was probably right.

But it was Kreacher who provoked the final argument. He came trotting to the dinner table holding the offending box, a clipping held with delicate disgust between his long fingers. ‘Mistress has banned these items from her house,’ he declared. ‘Foul, unnatural, unmoving pages!’

I rolled my eyes and made a grab for the box. He darted away, and I had my wand in my hand and a hex on my lips before I even stopped to think.

‘Sirius!’ My father’s voice stopped me. ‘You are at the table. You have been told not to bring those publications into the house and now you attempt to assault our senior elf in a fit of pique because you have been found out. What are you thinking?’

I muttered an apology, and things might have ended there if Mother hadn’t weighed in. ‘You’re a disgrace to the good name of Black.’

‘How so?’ I’d meant to think it, but the words rang out.

‘All this Muggle-loving. Do you think they care? Do you think the Mudbloods will be filled with gratitude? Is that it? Is there a girl?’

I ignored Reggie’s snort of laughter at that.

‘I argue for Muggle rights because it is the right thing to do,’ I replied, with as much dignity as I could muster. ‘Grindelwald’s plans for Wizarding domination went with him.We live in an age of tolerance, you know.’

She narrowed her eyes. ‘Gellert Grindelwald was not the only one to see the way forward for our kind. You wait and see. A time will come when the natural order is re-established, and it may not be long at that.’

‘Well, which natural order is it, Mother? Wizards and witches are better than Muggles, or Muggle-born are lesser than purebloods? Because if it’s magic that makes us superior, then they are, too.’

‘You take that back,’ she hissed.

‘Mum, Sirius …’ Regulus’s smirk disappeared and was replaced by a worried look. ‘He’s just showing off to get a rise out of you. Ignore him. He doesn’t even know any Muggle-born. All his mates are purebloods.’

And I should have thought before I tossed back, ‘Not like yours.’

He looked at me blankly, and, like an idiot, I went on. ‘What, hasn’t Snivellus told you who his father was? Haven’t any of you had the sense to wonder why he’s the only Snape you know?’

‘Leave Sev out of this, he’s a good and decent person and you lot make his life a misery.’

‘He’s as much of a blood zealot as you are, yet his father was a Muggle.’

Regulus launched himself across the table at me. ‘Take it back!’

He landed a few good punches, I was so surprised that I didn’t even fight back. And then he was being hauled back by one strong hand, and another had me by the collar and our Father was turning from one to the other to glare and fume, and if only one of us had thought to laugh then, it would still have been all right.

But Mother spoke instead. ‘You will not assault your brother in my house!’

‘Fine.’ I took a step back and brushed down my robes. ‘I’ll be on my way then.’

‘Sit down and eat your dinner like a civilised person,’ Father ordered.

‘He wouldn’t know how,’ Mother spat.

I threw my napkin on the table. ‘I’ve had enough of this, I’m going where I’m appreciated.’

She pointed a finger at me. ‘I will not be spoken to that way. If you walk out that door, don’t think you can come back.’

‘Mum!’ Reggie was appalled.

But I still wasn’t thinking. ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘I’ll not offend your delicate sensibilities any further.’

Regulus called after me. ‘Sirius! Don’t be an idiot! Siri!’

‘He’ll come back,’ said my father, and his was the last voice I heard as the door closed behind me.

I sat under a tree in the square for about half an hour while I pondered what to do. Regulus climbed down from the top floor with my broom tied to his back, and came to sit beside me.

‘She’s really mad.’ He untied the broom and passed it to me.

‘I know.’

‘Should I send your stuff to the Potters’?’

‘I s’pose.’

‘Just go back in and tell her you’re sorry.’

‘But I’m not.’

‘Lie.’

‘We lie all the time, Reggie, I’m tired of it.’

‘Merlin, you’re up yourself.’

We sat silently for a few minutes.

‘Could you apologise for me?’ he asked eventually.

‘Could you ditch Snape and Mulciber for me?’

I didn’t look at his face then. I should have. After a moment he stood up and put his hand on my head. ‘I’ll send your stuff over.’

He walked back towards the house.

‘I’ll see you at school.’

‘Yeah,’ he replied, without looking back. I watched him climb back up to his window before I climbed onto my broom and flew to James’s house.

James’s mum answered my knock at the door. I plastered a smile onto my face. ‘Hello, Mrs P. Remember how you always said you thought of me as a second son?’

..........................................

In the weeks following the attack on me, things escalated. A group of Aurors were called to an alleged brawl, and found themselves surrounded by Death Eaters. But they hadn’t counted on Moody. He killed two and took down eight more. It was his finest hour, even if it cost him part of his nose.

We were dragged into Headquarters every day, and spent hours flying sweeps of the country, looking for signs of giants. Arthur Weasley came back to the Order full-time, his wife told him that the twins were old enough for her to manage by herself now. Dorcas devised a spell that would show the presence of werewolves, and Remus developed a sudden headache that meant he had to go home straight away.

I left with him, managing not to laugh. We were halfway home before I couldn’t hold off telling him that I thought he’d look spiffing green.

‘Yes, very funny. You can explain to everyone who doesn’t know that I am the good kind of werewolf and ask them to try not to hex me next full moon.’

I rolled my eyes at him. ‘Of course they all know, we call you Moony for Merlin’s sake.’

‘Really, Padfoot? And exactly how many of them know your little secret.’

I ignored his logic. ‘Well, Dumbledore knows, and he’s in charge.’

‘And he has very good reasons for keeping it a secret. Idiot. Come on, if we’re not hunting Death Eaters, I want ice-cream.’

We rode down to Diagon Alley, and I went ahead to Fortescue’s to order sundaes for us while Remus ducked into Flourish and Blotts. When the cream had started to run down the side of his glass, I went looking for him.

And I had learned. I went looking quietly, and with my wand drawn.

They were standing outside the bookshop, just the two of them.

Snape was holding Remus’s sleeve. His voice was low and urgent. ‘Not at all? Not even a message?’

Remus shook his head. ‘Nothing.’

I was close enough now. They both jumped when I spoke. ‘Step away from him. Don’t draw your wand.’

Snape’s face was a sneer as he turned. Remus put his hands up to stop me. ‘It’s all right, he’s asking about Regulus.’

I snorted. ‘What the fuck do you care? You’ve killed him, isn’t that enough?’

Snape looked as though he’d been slapped. ‘Do you know? Are you certain?’ he asked in a whisper.

I couldn’t speak. Remus could. ‘Mr Black came by the other week. He seems convinced Regulus is dead. We saw him after the attack on Sirius, he said he had to finish a few things, and then he’d come to us.’

Snape looked sick then. ‘If they found out …’

I could speak then. ‘Death before desertion. We know how your lot operate. He trusted you. You got him killed.’

‘I … no, it wasn’t like that. He was my friend.’

‘How many more of your friends will you kill before this is done?’

And for a single moment, looking at the horror that filled his eyes, I felt sorry for him, because I knew exactly how he felt. But he was gone before I could more than register the thought.

‘That was cruel,’ Remus told me, taking my hand. I hadn’t realised that it had been shaking till it was held in his stillness.

‘I don’t care.’

‘I think you do. He’s not so different to us.’

I frowned at him. ‘How can you say that? Why are you even talking to him?’

Remus’s mouth twitched in frustration, with words that wouldn’t pass his lips. Finally, he sighed and began to walk, not letting go of my hand. He led me away from Fortescue’s. ‘We’re going home,’ he told me.

‘I don’t want to,’ I fumed, but when we reached the bike I climbed on and turned the engine over.

I took the long way home, past the crowd milling outside the Marquee Club. The roads around Oxford Circus were cordoned off, another bomb called in. By the time we were on Fulham Road, my face was cold and my hair was whipped into a tangle of elf-knots.

Remus grabbed my hand again as soon as I had parked the bike and pulled me up the stairs. He slammed our front door behind us, then slammed me against it and crushed his lips against mine.

I shook my head. ‘No. Not now.’ Now I just wanted to shake with anger and try not to cry.

‘Shut up.’ He held me there with one hand and used the other to undo my jacket and shirt.

I slapped his hand away. ‘Not now!’

Suddenly both my hands were in his and he was dragging me down the hall. ‘Yes now, and just shut up.’

‘Why?’

‘Because, Sirius, I am asking you to, just once.’

And I did. People forget, you see, that he was stronger than me. Not that he needed strength. Just to ask.

And when he had me on my back, full of him, with his grip bruising my thigh and a rhythm as necessary as breathing between us, he paused for a moment and turned my jaw so I had to look at him and he said, ‘This.’

And later, when he had fallen to my chest, and the reek of spill and sweat had his taste fairly in the air, I had a moment when I could think again, and I asked, ‘This what?’

And it was a long moment before he looked up at me, and gently, softly, kissed my mouth, with all the violence of the past hour spent, and he told me.

‘This is how I can say that. Because you’re alive, Sirius. We’re alive. And as long as we’re alive, it can still all turn out all right, no matter what goes wrong.’

And I believed him.

................................

James and Lily maintained that they knew about us all along. In Lily’s case, it could have been true. Evans was always a smart girl, for all that she hung around Snivellus, and she never once warned any of her girlfriends away from me. When I asked her out in fourth year, just to see what colour James would turn, she patted me on the head and told me she didn’t need five minute’s snogging followed by a half-hour display of self-centredness. Which was cruel, but not entirely wide of the mark.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know how I felt for Moony, it was more that no one talked about that sort of thing. If the Prewetts hadn’t left me their entire collection of personal esoterica when they left school, it could have been years before I worked out the mechanics.

I like to think that Remus would have made a special effort in the library before then.

But as it was, it still took me a long time to act on it. It could have been longer if it we hadn’t suddenly found ourselves able to move about with impunity.

In actual fact, James’s borderline-deranged obsession with Evans was the original impetus for the map, but I don’t think we’d have made it without Remus’s determination to drill us in Charms.

‘It’s embarrassing,’ he moaned dramatically. ‘I can live with being beaten by Ravenclaws in Transfiguration, since Pettigrew seems congenitally unable to transform any object into anything other than a rodent, but being beaten by Slytherins because the two of you can’t stop arsing about long enough to levitate a table … I may as well defect to Hufflepuff.’

‘Don’t do that, Moony,’ James cajoled. ‘Who will we copy our homework from?’

‘And who will advise me on flea treatments?’ I helped.

‘I hate you both,’ he informed us.

But he began to set us extra reading and was quick to point out that knowledge was power, which we should have fun misusing.

‘You know,’ James mused one evening over books, ‘Even with Moony allowed to leave the premises and Wormtail at pocket-size, the two of us don’t really fit under the cloak anymore.’

‘What are you talking about, Prongs?’ Peter looked up, wide-eyed. ‘I’ve never been in your pocket! I have no wish to be in your pocket!’

‘It wouldn’t be so bad if you could walk in a straight line instead of like a drunken sailor,’ I told James.

‘You try walking beside those lanky legs of yours, it’s like consorting with a giraffe.’

‘Your pockets hold nothing of interest for me!’

‘Poor stumpy Prongs, it’s only a few inches.’

‘I’m ignoring that. My point is, we wouldn’t need the cloak if we didn’t have to avoid being seen.’

‘I never even look at them!’

‘Yes, because being caught sneaking out of school would be so much more fun.’

‘No, Padfoot, we are going to use our brains! Wormtail, what are you wittering on about?’

‘Me? Nothing!’

‘Brains, Prongs? Go on, amaze me.’

‘I thought you’d never ask.’

It turned out to be a plan for 1:100 scale model of Hogwarts, with little figures representing every creature within it.

I’d nearly stopped laughing when Remus came back up to the dormitory. He gave James full points for the concept, but shook his head at the idiocy of the proposed execution.

‘We have these things, Prongs, we call them maps. They fold up very small, you can keep them in your pocket.’

Peter looked panickedly up at the word, but James didn’t notice, he was too busy grinning in wonder at Remus.

It took hours to develop the concept, then weeks to construct the charms. Peter came up with the name, and Remus devised the actual spells to make the map work. He said we’d find them easy to remember.

When it was finally done, we sat there for half an hour, watching, rapt, as the names moved about the parchment.

‘Lily Evans is in the shower,’ breathed James, awed.

‘I imagine that happens daily,’ I reminded him, then pointed to the lines representing the corridors outside Gryffindor Tower. ‘Coast is clear, it’s as good a time as any to test this.’

Peter was confused. ‘But we know it works.’

James shook his head. ‘No, we know it shows us people’s names moving about the castle, but the calibration could be off, the names could be wrong, it could all be a load of codswallop. We need known test parameters.’

‘Exactly,’ I nodded. ‘You and Wormtail should be the test subjects, Moony and I will track your locations.’

‘Why us?’ Peter asked.

Remus answered gently, ‘Because Prongs has an invisibility cloak, and you can hide under almost anything. If Sirius and I have the map, we can track you, and see if there’s anyone else that isn’t showing up on it. If it fails to work, I’m a prefect and can say that I was escorting him to the hospital wing for a stomach ache. The amount of dessert he gutses down of a night, anyone would believe it.’

‘Precisely!’ I grinned at him.

James grabbed his cloak and flung it dramatically about his shoulders. ‘Five minutes’ start,’ he declared. ‘We meet back here in half an hour. You two keep note of where you think we’ve been and we’ll compare notes.’ He hurried out with Peter.

Remus was smiling that other smile, then, the one where he’s successfully put one over on someone. ‘Right. Got any chocolate frogs left? We may as well do something while we wait?’

I passed one over, and we munched companionably. ‘You look very pleased with yourself,’ I noted.

‘As well I might, this is NEWT-level work.’

‘Verily, you have a mighty brain.’

‘Well, I did have help.’

‘You are gracious to acknowledge it.’

‘Miss Pince was incredibly accommodating.’

‘Is it time to leave yet?’

‘Just about,’ he replied with a grin.

He pulled his wand from his pocket and tapped the map with it. ‘I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.’

The school unfolded itself before us. Frank Longbottom and his girlfriend Alice were in the Common Room, tutoring first years. Evans had clearly finished her shower, as she was walking in to join them. The corridor outside was still empty, save for the small James and Peter dots rapidly moving away, beyond them the school moved quietly into the evening.

‘Dumby’s visiting McGonners,’ I pointed out.

‘I doubt they’re pursuing an affair.’

‘I made no such suggestion.’

‘I’ve met your brain before. Come on, let’s go and chase down these two gibbons.’

The first ten minutes were spent making notes as to the paths Peter and James took through the hallways and stairs. We dodged out of the way of Angus Filch and his dog, Mr Barker, as they did the rounds, and made a point of not getting in the way of Benjy Fenwick’s date with the Head Girl.

Then we were on the second floor, halfway down the long corridor, and the map showed Rosier, who was a seventh year prefect by then, coming from one direction, and Professor Flitwick coming from the other. Remus looked at me, I looked at him. He grabbed my hand and dragged me into the girl’s loo.

Giggling, he leaned back against the closed door and clutched the map to his chest. I leaned beside him, happily aware that he still had my hand.

‘Sirius,’ he said, after a minute.

‘Remus?’ I replied.

‘I borrowed one of your shirts this morning.’

‘I did think you were looking particularly dashing.’

‘Spotted what you were reading.’

‘Ah.’

‘Interesting chapter.’

‘Yes.’

‘Informative illustrations.’

And I had planned to say yes to that, but he had turned towards me and had his hand pressed against the front of my trousers.

‘I see you recall them,’ he whispered hopefully.

‘I would …’ I paused, and took a moment to force my voice back down from its soprano register. ‘I would like to say that has nothing to do with any illustration.’

A smile spread across his face and filled his eyes. ‘Is that for me?’

‘It’s not the first,’ I confessed.

‘Good. That’s very good to know.’

And he was taking too long, so I leaned forward and kissed him, and he kissed me back.

It was nervous and a bit wet, and his teeth bit my lower lip a little. I’d never tasted anything so perfect.

Remus made a soft growling noise, and pushed me back against the door. Our second kiss was wilder, and his hand pressed against my trousers more urgently.

‘Gnnnnnnkkkkhhhhh,’ I said.

He stepped back. ‘Are you all right?’

Still incoherent, I nodded, and pulled him back flush against me, remembering this time that it was possible to move my hands down from that feral shock of hair. His back was so strong and lean that I nearly forgot and lost myself there, but it occurred to me that he should know about the hand thing. So I moved my right one around and cupped him through his trousers.

He made the same noise.

‘You see?’ I explained as he looked at me, eyes wide.

With a panting grin he leaned back in and this time he used his hand to undo the buttons on my trousers. I’ve mentioned he was the clever one, haven’t I?

Naturally I couldn’t let a provocation like that go unanswered, so I followed suit. Of course, at the time I couldn’t have said provocation. Or suit. Or I.

Just yes. A lot.

And when he started to stroke my cock, I did hit my head on the door, but I didn’t even feel it.

I normally lie at this point in the story and say that we went on for ages and there were technical feats and that we ended up in the Prefect’s Bathroom, but since I’m telling you the truth, we swapped places so Remus was against the door and I’m being generous when I suggest that we might have lasted two minutes. But we did come pretty much together, which probably had more to do with the two minutes than anything else.

But I didn’t care, and neither did he. It was brilliant. Utterly, fantastically brilliant.

I went to kiss him, afterwards, and he was laughing.

‘Oh Merlin, I make a stupid face when I … Do I? You can tell me.’

Remus shook his head and pointed behind me. I turned, and there were two ghostly eyes, wide and unblinking behind glasses, and a gaping mouth beneath them. We were in that bathroom.

‘Do you mind?’ I asked.

‘Oh no,’ said Myrtle, earnestly. ‘It’s quite all right. You can come here whenever you like, I’ll not tell a soul. Hardly anyone else ever comes here, it’ll be completely secret, I’ll even keep the floors dry.’

And I meant to take umbrage, but really, I was in a terribly good mood, and I did have Remus shaking with silent laughter against me, so I accepted the offer with good grace.

We cleaned each other up, grinning like fools, and rescued the map. Myrtle hovered at a respectful, if attentive, distance. James and Peter were still scuttling about the school, though James looked as though he was headed back to the Gryffindor Tower, probably in an attempt to overhear Evans while invisible in hopes she’d say something nice about him.

‘What will we tell them?’ I asked.

‘Chased by prefects?’ Remus suggested.

‘Cornered by Filch?’

Myrtle made a small cough. ‘You could say that you were actually caught by Filch, and that he gave you a lecture, and that you have to help him with cleaning for the next few days. That way you’d not have to go back for, say, twenty minutes, and you’d have a perfectly good excuse to get away for an hour tomorrow night, and the next.’

We stared at her.

‘I’m just making a suggestion. To be helpful.’

We were so grateful that, when we finally made it to the Prefect’s Bathroom, we let her come with us.

.........................................

In the lead-up to Christmas, things grew worse. Most nights we were out with the Order, some days, too. Dorcas and Marlene had developed a potion that rendered the Giants unconscious, and Moody, invigorated by his disfigurement, had set about drilling us on aerial delivery.

We had more than enough opportunity to practise. The attack on the Aurors had led to a change of thinking at the Ministry, and Edgar had forced through legislation to back it up. Now support would appear as often as not mid-battle, and afterwards there were officials to deal with the mop-up. If nothing else, professional Obliviators were a happier choice for Muggles caught up in the mess.

They euthanised the Giants, we learned later. Dumbledore was as outraged as Remus and I were, but Moody said there was no other choice, where were they to hold them? He’d recruited a few Aurors to the Order by then, Kingsley Shacklebolt, who Remus was hideously jealous of for two minutes when I first met him – he was six-two, and you should have heard his voice – and Emmaline Vance, who looked even younger than we did.

We actually caught a few of the Death Eaters, and they ended up in Azkaban this time. But for every one we stopped, it seemed there were two more. Witches and wizards who had lived in the Muggle world began moving into old safe villages, where the wards could be erected with multiple spell techniques, making them harder to break through.

At the beginning of December, James and Lily Floo-ed us early one Sunday morning. ‘You two about this morning?’ they asked. ‘Up for a visit?’

‘Do you care that the house is a shambles?’ I yawned.

‘Have we ever?’

They brought juice and pastries, and an altogether too cheerful attitude for that hour of the day.

‘We bring news,’ James declared.

‘And a question,’ Lily added.

‘Question first,’ Remus told them. ‘That way the news will distract us if you’ve asked something dreadful.’

‘Rightio,’ James grinned. ‘Padfoot, do you think you could be trusted with raising a Potter?’

I shook my head at him. ‘James, James, James, I have told you before, that’s Evans’s job now. As I said at your wedding, I wash my hands of you and leave your fate to her.’

They were all smiling, and I joined in.

‘So you’re …?’ Remus raised an eyebrow at Lily.

She nodded happily. ‘For some idiotic reason we thought that Sirius might like to be Godfather. Apparently James thinks that being related to him won’t be enough of a challenge for our child.’

I rushed to my own defence. ‘Clearly, your beloved husband has spotted three essential points in my favour. Firstly, I come with a Remus Lupin, which is always of benefit and will doubtless allow the poor wee mite to excel at school just as our influence will see him or her display genius on a broom. Secondly, since the likelihood of us having children is effectively nil, all of my ill-gotten gains, and probably the profits of Lupin’s hard-worked-for genius, will be lavished on your offspring. Thirdly, and I can’t help feeling this was the clinching point, by making me responsible for the wee one’s spiritual wellbeing, James – quite brilliantly if I may say so, Prongs – has guaranteed that I can never share with the sweet bairn the truth about its appalling parents.’

‘I have nothing to hide, but if you could keep quiet about Lily’s sordid past, it’d be appreciated,’ James said, hugging me. ‘I take it that’s a yes.’

‘Can I make some name suggestions?’

‘No,’ said Lily immediately.

‘We want a nice, happy name, something that can fit in as well at the Ministry as at the Leaky,’ James said. ‘We’ll come up with something.’

Remus hugged Lily warmly. ‘Congratulations! It’s wonderful to have some good news.’

Lily smiled ruefully. ‘I know it’s not the best time to be having a baby, but it seems this baby has other ideas.’

‘It’s a perfect time,’ Remus told her. ‘You’re working on the future, all the more reason for us to make a better now.’

‘Ooh.’ She hugged him tightly. ‘I’m swapping. Sirius can have James, I’m taking you home, you’re much nicer.’

James and I looked disdainfully at each other. ‘My family is an excellent lesson in the perils of sleeping with your cousins,’ I demurred.

‘And even with shorter hair, you’d still take forever in the bath,’ James rejected.

‘Which would interrupt your beauty regime.’

‘It’s so sweet the way they think they’re nothing like each other,’ Lily stage-whispered to Remus.

‘Only we can tell them apart,’ he replied. Then they shared a giggle as they recalled the time after I had my hair cut and Lily had popped her hand into my trouser pocket before realising her mistake with a shriek.

The Floo burned a sudden yellow, our indicator for the Order. Remus lifted the wards and Moody stepped through. ‘Wands, out, boys and girls, attack on a family with Muggleborn parents, outside Horsham. Bring your brooms, you two.’

James looked urgently to Lily. She smiled gently. ‘It’s all right, I’ll stay behind, but when you get home, we are talking about this.’

He took her from Remus and kissed the top of her head tenderly.

‘I won’t be coming,’ she told Moody. ‘Would you like me to get Peter, instead?’

Moody was smart enough to know her choice wasn’t casual, even if he didn’t know why. ‘I’d prefer you, but if he’s all we have, then yes.’

‘Try not to tell him, I should be there,’ James reminded her.

She grinned. ‘I know.’

Moody shared the coordinates, and the three of us Apparated out after him. He had listened to Remus’s bollocking after the Bones disaster, we landed some little way from the fighting, lights and shouts coming from down the tree-lined lane. We had barely found our feet when a child’s scream rent the air. I was looking at James at that moment, and I saw it in his face, the exact second when the war became personal for him, at last.

He didn’t need to ask. I tossed him my broom. ‘Go.’

Moody glared at me, but held his tongue. ‘This is serious. I’m back to the front of the house, you two take the rear.’

He Apparated, and we jumped on Remus’s broom to gain what advantage we could coming in by air. We were lucky – the Death Eaters had no-one in the sky. The house they were attacking was a cottage, really, and on a cool morning like this it should have been charming, but the thatched roof was smouldering and one wall was knocked askew, and across the garden walls climbed some twenty masked figures.

Dorcas and Marlene were standing at the front, one on each side of a frightened couple who I didn’t know. James, Moody, the Longbottoms, Shacklebolt and Benjy were with them. Remus aimed directly at the back of the building and we came down fast but controlled beside the Prewetts and their brother-in-law.

‘Nice of you to drop in,’ Fabian greeted us. ‘Temporary lull on this side, but you’ll notice the movement in the viburnum, give them a minute and they’ll be back. Are you both well?’

‘Fine, thanks. How many?’

‘Five on this side,’ Gideon replied. ‘But there was some noise just before you got here; they may have been joined by more. Sure I can’t interest you in a cup of tea?’

‘We had a lovely breakfast, thanks,’ Remus replied. ‘Any identification on them?’

‘Fairly sure the two Lestrange brothers are out there, Rosier, I think, and there’s one with blond hair who’s probably Malfoy, though I’m surprised to see him out in daylight hours.’

‘He’s usually more circumspect,’ I agreed.

‘I think something’s up,’ Arthur muttered. ‘There are too many here for such a small target. It’s a trap of some sort.’

‘You always think it’s a trap,’ Gideon ribbed him.

‘Though to be fair, it often is,’ Fabian defended.

Remus moved a little closer to Weasley, and spoke gently. ‘How’s Molly, Arthur?’

‘Swollen-ankled and cranky, thinks she should be out helping us rather than trapped at home with a flock of offspring.’

‘How much longer does she have?’

‘Ages yet, not till March.’

‘And Bill’s only just turned ten, hasn’t he? She’s a wonder.’

Arthur smiled. ‘That she is.’

They exchanged a smile, and Remus looked out over the back garden. He breathed in through his nose, then frowned. I leaned in towards him and asked what he smelled.

‘Werewolves,’ he whispered.

‘But it’s not full moon. It’s daylight,’ I said, surprised.

‘They’re still strong, still vicious. I think one of them’s Greyback.’

I swore under my breath. Before there was time to even begin a response, a tide of coldness swept across us. I watched Remus’s hackles rise, heard the growl in his throat. Then Moody’s voice boomed out, crashing through everything. ‘Inside! Inside the house! Now!’

We ran. I grabbed Arthur to make sure he wasn’t last; he was the least dispensable of all of us. Inside the back door, a hall led through to the front of the house, where the others were scooping up children in the sitting room.

‘Voldemort’s here,’ Moody announced. ‘Everyone safe? Right, Dorcas, James, Benjy, get this lot to Headquarters. Rest of you, we need to hold this room together for as long as we can.’

James and his team grabbed the family and Apparated out. Remus and I stood beside Moody, helping with his wards, which were no sooner reinforced than a battering of spells hit them.

‘Just a minute more,’ he shouted. ‘Let them think we’re all still in here. Then at my word, you all go home! I’ll send word when it’s safe to meet.’

Curiosity got the better of me. I looked through the front windows. He was easy to spot. At the back of his troops he stood, tall and commanding, a cold white face and dark hair.

And I paused for just a second, because I had seen him before. But he had not been Lord Voldemort. He had been at my Grandfather Pollux’s house, and he had been ‘Our dear friend, Tom.’ I was hardly surprised when I saw Cousin Bella appear beside him, mask off, face shining with glee and fury.

And I felt such a fool. I had forgotten that my family would always be there.

Moody glared. ‘Ready?’

‘Sirius?’ Remus moved towards me. ‘Oh Merlin …’

‘Now!’

Remus grabbed me, and a long, nauseating moment later we were home. Juice and pastries were still on the table. He bit his lip and looked at me, then his eyes opened wide and he ran to the fireplace, throwing in a pinch of Floo powder. ‘Peter Pettigrew!’ he announced.

A moment later Peter’s face appeared, flustered. ‘Not now! I’m late! Oh, Remus, I was just coming.’

Remus’s whole body relaxed. ‘Thank goodness. Don’t worry about being late, Wormtail. The whole thing was a trap. We only just got out.’

‘Is everyone all right?’

‘All fine. Is Lily still there?’

‘She went home a couple of minutes ago. Should I come over?’

Remus shook his head. ‘Moody said we were to all lay low until the coast was clear. Maybe later today. I’ll see you later.’

The firecall blinked out as Remus left it. He stood and turned back to me.

‘That was your cousin with him, wasn’t it?’

I nodded.

‘If we need to, should I kill her for us?’

I nodded again. ‘If she …’ It took me a few moments to finish the sentence. ‘If she hadn’t convinced Mother, Regulus would still be alive. Father would be, too.’ I swallowed the bitterness that rose. ‘I hate her. I hate them both.’

He came and sat beside me at the table. ‘I know,’ he said, pouring me a juice. He watched me drink it, then took my hand. ‘But I should try not to kill Cissie, yes?’

I squeezed his hand. ‘Yes.’ And I smiled a little. ‘I still owe her for all the chocolate frogs.’

..................................

Life at the Potters’ was comfortable and easy. Reg managed to smuggle out my school chest and a few bags of my favourite things, as well as my broom. Mother sent a bill for the value when she noticed. I was all for ignoring it, but Mrs Potter sent a cheque.

The first half of the summer fell away in a relaxed haze of afternoon Quidditch practise, faffing about and studying DADA texts. We weren’t meant to know that Dumbledore had formed the Order of the Phoenix, but we did. I think he’d tapped us for it even then, the Prewetts dropped unsubtle hints, and Fenwick was suddenly far chummier than he had been at school.

That warm and friendly July ended when Remus’s parents died.

There was nothing sinister about their deaths, just a bad influenza that turned to pneumonia. Neither of them had ever been strong and when she died, he just let go. We were with Remus at St Mungo’s. Peter, too. He brought a basket of sandwiches and flasks of tea, the most sensible thing I remember him doing.

‘They’ll be fine,’ I told him in the early afternoon, keeping his spirits up, hoping for the best.

He took my hand and shook his head. ‘They’ve done their best. They’re tired. I told them it was all right if they needed to go.’

I put my arms around him. ‘Really?’

‘They don’t have any choice anymore. Why make them grieve something they can’t change?’

I held him more tightly. ‘When did you grow so old and wise?’

He laughed, grimly. ‘Oh that’s the only piece of wisdom I have. And I learned it when I was six years old.’

He didn’t cry that afternoon, but I did.

Remus cried later, after the funeral, when he had closed up the house and put it on the market. He moved in with us; the Potters insisted, and James made sure that he shared a room with me, because he knew and his parents didn’t.

After the Lupins died, Remus grew quieter. James and I missed them, too. We’d all been to his house, even though it had been too small for us all to stay. His mother always baked a cake and his father told stories of life at the Ministry in his day.

Mr Potter told stories about him, too. He had been a brave and indefatigable campaigner for equal opportunity employment.

‘That’s why I was bitten,’ Remus said into the quietness around the dinner table.

I was shocked, he had never mentioned his condition to anyone in front of us before, but of course he would have told the Potters. He was only sixteen after all and he needed to be able to leave once a month.

‘Fenrir Greyback heard about Father finding a job for a woman he’d bitten, and he was furious. He turned up and demanded that he deserved a job, too. Father refused. Said that his hobby of attacking the innocent meant that he wasn’t employable. Greyback told him he was a bigot, Dad said no, you’re just a dangerous bastard. The next full moon he showed up at our place to show what a dangerous bastard he was. Thought it was a good joke. I watched Dad die for ten years after that. Compared to what it did to him, what it did to me wasn’t so bad.’

Beneath the table I gripped his hand in mine.

Mrs Potter came around and hugged him. ‘It’s not a fair world,’ she told him. ‘And between the Muggles and you-know-who, it could be blown to pieces at any time. But we have each other, and that’s true wealth.’

‘You sound like my mum,’ he told her with a smile.

I wished I could say the same.

Four years later James’s parents would be dead, too. They lived long enough to see their grandson born, and were hit by trainee helicopter pilot while flying home from 1981’s New Years Party at the McKinnons’. James was devastated, but at the same time he pointed out that the comedy of their demise would have appealed greatly to them. He was right, too.

But back then, the Potter house was a cheerful mix of chaos and comfort. People trekked in and out, even in those days when trust was fast disappearing. One of the first to visit after my arrival was my cousin Andromeda Do Not Mention That Woman, known to Regulus and I as Andromeda Uncle Alphard Will Sneak Her In And She Brings Sweets.

Andy brought her husband, who I hadn’t met to that point, and little Dora, who I’d last seen as a toddler. She was nearly four now, and announced to everyone that she, too, was a boy, and shifted her face to match.

They became regular visitors, and this was Dora’s stock game. It was hysterically funny to see Peter’s expression the first time he saw her do it, but Remus would every time tell her that, while it was fine for her to look however she wanted to, she was a very pretty girl and she could have just as many adventures with her own face as with another.

She dogged his footsteps from then on, and when we went to the Tonks house, she wouldn’t let us leave until he’d read her a story.

Andromeda broke the news about Mother burning me off the tapestry, I wasn’t surprised. ‘You are in excellent company,’ she informed me. ‘All the best Blacks fall foul of Aunt Walburga.’

Grandfather Arcturus had forbidden mention of my name. He had hoped to steer me in the right direction at last and leave me as his heir, but had now invited Regulus to stay at the big house over the summer instead.

‘So that’s why he hasn’t been by,’ I mused.

Andy frowned for a moment. ‘They watch him, Sirius. They don’t want his views polluted. Pollux and Irma are determined that he should associate with only the “best” people. He couldn’t get away to see you if he tried.’

‘It’s fine,’ I shrugged. ‘I’ll see him at school. Besides, Remus needs me more, now.’

She saw right through me and hugged me strongly. ‘Chin up. And mind how you act around young Lupin, I think Mrs Potter is almost onto you, and Mr can’t be far behind.’

Part III