blamebrampton: 15th century woodcut of a hound (Default)
blamebrampton ([personal profile] blamebrampton) wrote2009-01-27 07:40 pm

Dear Big Auto Twatface ...

Whose name I missed because the cat enclosure man appeared during Newshour (Australia's SBS has a wonderful news service that brings me Jim Lehrer among other gems). Here's a tip: the 'very small cars' that you say Americans are not interested in buying are the exact same cars that were selling gangbusters last year when your fuel costs were rising through  the roof.

They are the same cars that the rest of the world drives quite comfortably, which can be parked in normal-sized car spaces. You can even fit more of them on the road, because each of them is less than the size of my student flat. Miraculously, most of the rest of the world has lower motor vehicle mortality and serious injury rates than the US, even though we don't drive giant trucks. It's because we do up our seatbelts. (No, really, it works! Ask Princess Di's bodyguard!)

After 30 years of selling increasingly stupid vehicles despite promising the Carter administration that you had learned your ways and would produce smaller, more economical cars the LAST time your received a MASSIVE FUCKING FEDERAL BAILOUT (Oh yes, big auto, some of us are in our 40s and remember the last time this all happened.), you have spent the last 20 years selling cars that can only be described as stupid.

I have lived in Mozambique, Tanzania and Kenya, where there were elephants, rhinos and hippos. A normal Jeep, RangeRover or, these days LandCruiser, is quite enough to survive a concerted attack, or at least make sure the people inside do. Funnily enough, concerted attacks from elephants, rhinos and hippos are rare, even in southern Africa. I believe they are unheard of in the Continental United States. No one actually requires a Hummer.

Okay, so maybe if you do live in South Central LA and are deeply worried about drive-bys. But then you should move rather than buy a car that says 'My penis is TINY! TINY I TELL YOU!!'

To sum up, oh twatface who has probably spent his bailout money on a new private jet: those very small cars are not actually very small. They are in fact normal. You just have ridiculous giant cars. The American public is not unified in its desire to drive giant cars, as the big downturn in their sales has shown. Petrol will again be priced through the roof in the very near future and you will be inundated by people wanting economical vehicles. Also, none of this is news. You were told this directly 30 years ago. You took a huge government payout then and promised you would change your ways. The cars you produce now are LESS economical than the cars you produced then. Moreover, during the last eight years as petrol costs in the US have crept ever upwards and people demanded more economical cars, you ignored Supply and Demand! You are meant to LIVE by supply and demand.

You aren't even wasting my tax dollars and I find you a repulsive, oleaginous creep. I hope someone parked you in while you were filming the segment. And I hope they were driving a Prius. Actually, no, I hope it was a fleet of Segways. Boo and hiss!

Meanwhile, if you are an American who is considering buying a car, might I suggest you buy European or Japanese? You might feel bad about not supporting autoworkers in Detroit, and I do sympathise with that, but apparently those poor bastards will be screwed no matter what, so you might as well prop up one of the other teetering global economies, giving them enough money to buy your grain and thus supporting American farmers. Thinking globally AND acting locally!

ETA PS: Saying that it was fine for you to spend the last eight years continuing to produce ludicrous cars because the Bush administration's environmental policies said you could is NOT the persuasive argument you seem to think it is.

PPS REC REC REC! Pop over to Leochi's lj for the most beautiful watercolour of a young Malfoy. It's my early birthday present and it is just lovely – human and touching as all her art is. Hurrah for birthday week!

[identity profile] deannawol.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:29 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG, I was laughing so hard as I was reading that. :)

Althought I hear that they're going to be shipping in Rhinos, Elephants and Hippos just to make sure that they can sell their giant, penis-sympathising cars :)

Kudos, hon. That was a fantastic, and very true, rant! :)

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:36 pm (UTC)(link)
I think I've twigged to why your economy tanked: because your leaders of industry are all on crack!

It was just gobsmackingly self-deluded, probably a good thing the cat man appeared or I might have thrown something at the telly ;-)

And you would not believe how much elephants poo …

[identity profile] inamac.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:40 pm (UTC)(link)
What a great rant. it sounds awfully similar to something I might have yelled at the TV screen when thos whole subsidy-if-you-promise-to-do-better thing came up.

Has urge to find out whether anyone is selling Smart cars in LA.

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee, Smart cars I suppose do qualify for tiny, but even the Jags I grew up in were economical compared to the standard Ford Yankee truck. Sigh. The frustrating thing is that the American consumer has been asking for cars that are the norm in the rest of the world for years, and have been delivered giant unwieldy death traps instead.

We could be rant twins ;-) (I'd bring the tea and some Iced Vovos for after-rant tea and biscuits)

[identity profile] annafugazzi.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:44 pm (UTC)(link)
ROFLMAO!!!

::wiping tears:: Ooooh, thank you. I just read this whole thing out loud to DH. We say stuff like this all. the. time. re big cars, especially when many of our friends, most of whom are wonderful people, extol the wonders of their gas guzzlers:

  • I just don't feel safe in anything smaller!
  • I mean, really, once you have a baby how can you possbly fit everything you need into one of those tiny things?
  • Sorry, but I refuse to drive anything that requires me to squeeze myself into the driver's seat like a sardine.
  • But driving a little car makes me feel like I'm sitting right on the road!


Do you mind if I link here?

[identity profile] astarael02.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes!! Hear hear! *bangs fist on table in agreement*

also- 'My penis is TINY! TINY I TELL YOU!!'
*sporfle* I love that. If only they realised that's what they were saying! :D
ext_23250: (Default)

[identity profile] kadollan.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:46 pm (UTC)(link)
I love you madly. Also, you would get along famously with my husband who had said much the same thing recently, only omitting the word "oleaginous."

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:53 pm (UTC)(link)
My rants are public, feel free ;-) I stand by my rant!

It's the frustrating thing, isn't it? Otherwise perfectly lovely people who just speak rubbish when it comes to their cars.

The irony is that small cars have much lower fatality rates because the cars themselves are more stable. And, of course, they kill far fewer pedestrians and cyclists when they hit them (as a former cyclist who was hit several times, this is a real consideration!)

And I have friends with babies who don't even have cars! Admittedly none of them live in the US, but it's wholly doable!

I think it might be better for the number three excuse people to go on a diet, and as for number four, surely the lack of friction on their bottoms should be a clue that they are not? Sigh. Sends hugs to you and the DH ;-)

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Love you back! Sends your husband platonic manly hugs avec backslapping! (I tried to work in unctuous, too, but failed ;-)

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 01:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee! Parliamentary approval ;-)

I once had a chat with a young man of my acquaintance who was telling me he planned to spend a fortune on a muscle car. I pointed out that if he spent a fraction of the money on the gym and some new clothes, he would have heaps left for world travel and a sensible car, and would thus be the good looking man of the world that women actually want to shag. Unless he wanted to shag the Greek mechanics at the muscle car shop, in which case, sure, go ahead

[identity profile] norton-gale.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 02:32 pm (UTC)(link)
This is something I've thought a great deal about during my life, as I grew up in LA where not driving is seen as socially deviant, and it's not strange for someone to have more than one car. Cars are a huge status symbol there, much less here in Boston where they just get ruined by the weather and the salt on the streets.

Anyway:

- Small cars predominate in Europe. If all the cars are small, you have nothing to fear. However, if you have a tiny car and all the other cars are SUV's, make sure to avoid accidents. Seatbelts will not protect you from injury when a machine three times the weight of yours smashes into you. I was in a serious high-speed accident in a Volvo (sideswiped by a big rig truck) and walked away without a scratch: I had a low-speed collision when my Honda was rear-ended and suffered back pain. So, the risk really is greater in a small car if most of the other cars on the road are bigger and heavier.

-Like you, I am hoping we're on a trend towards smaller and greener cars in the U.S. It's so wasteful to see one person in a giant car. And they're always taking up the compact parking spaces.

-No matter how many children we have, we're not getting a fucking minivan.

[identity profile] astarael02.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)
See, that's golden advice, right there! Men should actually listen to things they are very kindly told by women, cos they don't realise how lucky they actually are to get an insight into the female psyche (unless the woman is taking the piss to amuse herself :D). Did he do what you said or go ahead and buy an enormous car anyway to make himself feel manly? :)

[identity profile] absynthedrinker.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 02:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Oleaginous! Not precisely one of the words I anticipated reading upon opening Livejournal this morning. The best example of why I read your posts.

Be well always.

Peace,
Bubba
Edited 2009-01-27 14:48 (UTC)

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Last heard of studying cooking in France and fighting women off with a stick. I should write a book for young chaps ...

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh he was, Bubba! He really was!

XXX
BB

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 02:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee, as you know, I am a lifelong non-driver, so I could probably only live in New York ;-)

I'd qualify that to greater risk in some small cars. The little BMWs and Mercedes have the build quality to have safety ratings that go past any Honda, or SUV for that matter. And then there's the higher risk of single-car accidents in big cars ... But this is more an argument to ban SUVs than for everyone to have them.

I can see you with a Christiania bike rather than a minivan ;-)

[identity profile] norton-gale.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 03:06 pm (UTC)(link)
A number of people in San Francisco don't have cars either ... and we may join them. The issue there is that many residences don't come with parking.

We don't have the really little BMWs and Mercedes here, unless you count the Mini-Cooper which is made by BMW (and has been my dream car for years). Perhaps they'll try to market them in the US when small cars finally catch on.

I could go for one of those bikes. :)

[identity profile] deannawol.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 03:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Our economy tanked because it's based on the brown envelop principle. If you want something done, you should bribe the people in charge of the area where you want to do things.

We have leaders who have nicknames like "The Teflon Taoiseach - No Allegation Will Stick To The Bas*ard" and "Biffo - Big Ignorant Fuc*er from Offaly". You can see why our political system tanked...

We offered huge deals to American business to get them in and then when Europe opened up and they could hire Polish workers for €3 an hour vs. the €15 that they pay here... Well, it makes economical sense to move, but it screws the nice company that gave you food and tax breaks for the past 20 years.

And now, the governments own two of the banks, one of the larger health insurers in the country has just gone insolvent... All in all, it's not looking rosy on the Emerald Isle.

It's a little better in the UK but shops are closing left, right and center, and it's not even closing time yet. It's a little worrysome, but I've just managed to get all my credit cards cleared and cancelled. I have one long term, low interest loan left to pay off, and then I'm completely debt free. Couldn't have come at a better time...

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 03:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh fuck me, I decided to ignore who I was talking to and go for the default American, where the powdered crack is in the ascendency rather than your better-spelt variety. I am so sorry!

But I suppose since the US has dragged everyone else down with them, it's all the same, really. I had no idea that corruption was still that bad in Ireland, though, that's something I think of as belonging to the 70s, not now!

And yes, it has been terrifying watching the pound go down down down (the first time in years I've not been miserable I am not longer paid in it!) I know that the core of the problem has been the US, but it just baffles me that Ireland, Scotland and England tied themselves so closely to the Americans!

Funnily enough I've not been hearing disaster stories from Wales, which leads me to believe the Welsh have been in secret talks with the French and Germans all along and have a cunning back-up plan. Any day now they will be making takeover bids for Devon and Cornwall.
arobynsung: (Default)

[personal profile] arobynsung 2009-01-27 04:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Completely agree with you.
They wonder why they're going bankrupt, the cars they are mass producing (massive trucks and SUVs) are the cars Americans have FINALLY wised up to and stopped buying! This whole bailout situation should just be put up as a bad job. No one, and I mean no one did what they were supposed to with the money.


tiny somewhat relevant sidenote: as a native Kenyan, I'd like to point out that it is not all a savannah, we have cities and everything! Sorry, I've had bad experiences with ignorance to African countries, and I'm sure since you've lived there, you understand.

[identity profile] shiv5468.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 04:09 pm (UTC)(link)
But if everyone took that advice there would be no top gear. no playing conkers with caravans. Won't you think of clarkson!

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 04:12 pm (UTC)(link)
You might think that, but then I say to you, compare the Bugatti Veyron with the Ford pick-up. It's lighter, more fuel-efficient, produces less noise, less CO2, fewer pollutants and contains fewer parts made with petrochemicals. It's practically a Prius in terms of American car ownership!

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 04:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh how cool! Where are you from? I loved Nairobi, which is really the only city I remember in out time there, though I know that we also went to Mombassa and Nyeri, but they're just blurs. And yes, Kenya is very much like Australia to my mind with large parts of the population being urban, but people only remembering the bushy bits.

Though we were only in town for a month before we spent the next six rampaging around the countryside and staying for a few weeks at an elephant orphanage. My father was a firm believer in the See if My Child Can Escape Being Eaten By Mosquitoes and Fauna method of child rearing. He even made me go camping on a commune in Wales in winter. Grrrr!

[identity profile] abusing-sarcasm.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 04:24 pm (UTC)(link)
You know, I don't want to make you feel IGNORANT or anything, but you should know that the vast majority of us are far too fat to fit into anything smaller than a Ford Excursion.

Also, you're COMPLETELY forgetting the fact that a small car will not have thirteen cup-holders.

DUH.

Jeez. Foreigners and their skinny butts and rhinos. No wonder we suspect them all of terrorism.

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2009-01-27 04:29 pm (UTC)(link)
ROTFL!

Remember the days when we packed a thermos for a drive ... I feel old now ... (I was just defriended by someone, BTW, not anyone I noticed I was friends with, so I am not desperately saddened by it, but I have this strange suspicion that someone is out there saying 'I don't care how funny she is, the woman's a thinly veiled commie!' Ah, if only I didn't prat about in D&G sunglasses ...)

(further aside: OMG, W IS SO CUTE!)

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