Dear cats

[blamebrampton]

You are both dark-coloured felines. Our house has a blue carpet. Our hallway has a dark curtain between it and the living room (because there is no room to hang a door).

When Mr Brammers goes mad and decides to turn the hallway lights off rather than to dim, then goes to bed, this is not a sign that you should position yourselves in said hallway on the drape of said curtain at the exact spot that the light from the living room runs out. Because you will find yourself being trodden on, which you won't enjoy, and twisting my bung foot, which I won't enjoy, as I desperately struggle to not put my weight down mid-stride.

I am very glad that you were not hurt beyond a rush of panic, but now I will have to wear flats to the wedding tomorrow rather than heels, so when I am accused of making poor fashion choices, I will be blaming you.

Love,
The person who buys you the expensive kibbles. Start behaving or it will be generic brand varieties before too long.

Comments

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

*sends ice for your foot*

*thinks*

*also sends white paint and a brush*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA! Oh they would give you such A LOOK! I received the ice, applied it and a spot of elevation, it's not too bad ...

[cassie-black12.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you could stick some high-vis strips on them? Not sure they would appreciate it, but it's better than being trod on!!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

*Snort!* They would be unhappy at the idea. I am sticking with the positive reinforcement training of Mr Brammers, if he leaves the lights on, the cats and I will live and give him affection and food. If he leaves them off, he will need to explain things to the coroner or vet.

[romaine24.livejournal.com]

*hands you paint*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Is it just me, or are those cats whispering to each other: 'You pee in her shoes, I'll eat the pashminas.'?

[absynthedrinker.livejournal.com]

Wishing you a speedy revovery.

Peace,
Bubba

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It is starting to go down nicely, and I have just found the most beautiful gift of music and vision to return my heart rate to normal ... you very dear man!

[rubyemerald-1.livejournal.com]

Boy, do I understand this. I always leave a light on somewhere. My place is a minefield.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

No necks broken, cats fine, they have both come to sit near me and give me looks of concern, and the foot has gone back to something approximating normal. All up, it could have been far worse! And yes, small houses with long dark areas ... there's a reason people use them in horror films ;-)

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

Tateful fur mittens agains the cold?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

They know I count on them for foot and head warming on cold nights (Monster is a pillow appropriater).

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

Hot water bottles?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

You're going to give me a look, but I have had to ban hot water bottles for the most part after Mr Brammers gave himself two second-degree burns in the one winter by failing to acknowledge that the metal bit at the neck is actually quite hot and will stay so.

Look, he's hot and can lift heavy things. When I want common sense, I talk to my girlfriends ...

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

But if you cover the bottle with fur....

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

Flats? But you won't be able to see over anyone's...er...tummy...

*runs*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

It's funny because it's true!

Did I ever tell you stories of when I was doing sports reporting for the Sydney Olympics and Paralympics? I went to interview the men's wheelchair basketball team, and put up good-naturedly with the jokes that I was the same height standing up as they were in their chairs. Then Troy Sachs stood up (he has one leg), to his full six and a half foot glory. I told him that since he was out of my field of vision, I could safely ignore him.

(To be fair to TS, he was really lovely, and an amazing sportsman.)

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

Cats love to get in the way: I suppose they think they're being "helpful." Annabel kept jumping on G when he was trying to hang pictures today.

Hope a good night's sleep is all you need for your foot to feel better.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

She was helping him to get them straight!

I think it will be fine, I have just had an extended nap on the sofa with it up and it seems to have calmed down quite enough for me to go to bed. Oh the exciting life at Chez Brammers!

[miriravan.livejournal.com]

Heh. You'll have to let me know if that works for you, 'cause if it does I might try writing a letter to my four about why it would be best for them not to *walk right in front of me very slowly* especially when I'm carrying something hot and/or sloshy. Cats. Gotta love them. Because if you killed them, you'd probably feel bad once the intense rush of satisfaction wore off. :)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! Although happily only one of ours does that. Cookie trots ahead of us anywhere we want to go, so we call her 'Lead the way Cookie!' We also can be frequently heard to say 'In the way Mon!' as Monster has all the sense of a whelk.

[symetric.livejournal.com]

Oh no. You could still attempt the heels. I have done so in the past with a buggered foot and have not regretted it one bit. Er, not one single bit. *shifty eyes*
It gave me three inches worth of height. I call that worth it.

*pets the cats* I'm sure they didn't do it on purpose. Unless they did. Then you have evil cats. *pets you*

[tsosh.livejournal.com]

How about glow-in-the-dark collars? It will be faster than training them (because

that

will never happen)...

I hope you feel better and have fun at the wedding. At least you have a great excuse not to torture yourself on heels.

[leochi.livejournal.com]

I will resist the temptation this time. ;DDD

Hope your foot is better!

[treacle-tartlet.livejournal.com]

Bad cats! Hope you're not in too much pain, oh illustrious leader!

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

D: Aww, poor foot.

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

A cat's diary, day 1940 ...

'Our latest attempt to assassinate the small human can opener has failed. Once again the cover of dark and the careful placement of our bodies in the line of danger was overcome. We take pleasure in the obvious injury sustained, but this is mitigated by our own aggravated nerves. We shall try again ... mwahahahaha'

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

All cats, no matter how well you love them and care for them, are compelled to attempt to kill you. *nods knowingly* Seamus (icon) lies at the top of the stairs in the dark. Now, it would be a problem to step on him coming UP the steps, but I believe I'd die if it happened as I was attempting to go DOWN the steps.

[aldehyde.livejournal.com]

*hugs* awh i hope you and the kitties are okay!