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blamebrampton ([personal profile] blamebrampton) wrote2008-09-01 08:11 pm
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They think I jest ...

For anyone who has ever read any of my Australia: it'll kill ya posts and thought to themselves "Oh Brammers, you and your comedic exaggeration for effect ..." , I bring you this genuine news story from what passes for quality press in these parts. And you can have the link as is, since the untouched humour is immediately apparent.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/jogger-attacked-by-kangaroo/2008/09/01/1220121130240.html

You expect this sort of thing in the rural glades of Canberra (which is quite a nice city, so long as you either like roundabouts or are in no hurry), but not in Melbourne. [livejournal.com profile] tomatoe18 , your teacher told the truth!

It is the first day of spring here and Sydney turned on a splendid day of sun and blue skies. I still have influenza, because it's influenza. The chap at work, where I was vaguely functional for six hours, kept telling me that he'd had a really bad cold recently. "Yes," I said, "but I have flu, which is not the same."

"That's just a bad cold, isn't it? Are you on antibiotics?"

"Influenza is a different virus family to the set of viruses that cause colds, but both are viruses so neither respond to antibiotics," I told him, a little testily.

"Gosh, how do you know all this stuff?"

I resisted the urge to cough on him.

But I have to confess that is more than I did this morning on the train when a man decided that he could fit into the over-crowded carriage if he just leapt at my back and sent me careening into a (fortunately sturdy and understanding) young woman. I was fortunate to be pointing my face away from her, so my gasp of virus-laden air went over his outstretched hand, not any part of her. And then, I am ashamed to say, I sighed deeply over the side of his face. Be alive little viruses!

The train home made up for it, though. At Wynyard the sweet sound of a girlish soprano spilled pop ballad through the underground station, taking me back to one of my early Australian summers where I was on a train that stopped at St James to encounter a five-part harmony a cappella version of Like A Prayer. There is something very lovely about the sound of children singing (and the acoustics of underground stations are enough to tempt me, too).

I stopped to pay my Visa bill since I was at the nearby station rather than waiting for the train that stops across the road from my home. While I was in the bank I decided to change the PIN to something I can remember without having to look at the slip of paper hidden cunningly in one of the many books on my many shelves. I accomplished this, but not before the bank girl attempted to lend me half a million dollars and asked for my advice on successful relationships. That was an odd conversation, even by my standards.



[identity profile] emerald-dragon8.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 10:52 am (UTC)(link)
OI! Enough of the Canberra-bashing, thank you. Canberra is a nice place to live, except when stupid drivers try and merge into your lane RIGHT ON TOP OF YOU (as happened to me today, sadly). And it never takes more than about 20 minutes to get anywhere here. I can go from my house on one side of town, to Dickson on the south side within 15 minutes in peak-hour traffic.

Anyway, yes, I agree, the kangaroo story is an appallingly bad example of Australian journalism. *headdesk*

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 10:56 am (UTC)(link)
I wasn't being sarcastic! (I know it's hard to tell) It IS lovely, but it has loads of roundabouts and is very spread out!

I'd move there if my least favourite member of my extended peer group didn't live there. And I always send visitors down for a look at the Big Buildings and Urban Roos ;-)

[identity profile] emerald-dragon8.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:01 am (UTC)(link)
We are often made fun of, it is hard to tell, sorry. :) We're like New Zealand, only without the accents.

Oh, god, every least favourite member of my peer group lives here. You know what's lovely? Being incredibly stressed about major exams I have tomorrow and Wednesday, and in the process of stressing finding out that a girl I already knew was saying horrible things about me behind my back has been calling me fat, too. Absolutely charming.

I swear, though, if I could marry the National Library, I would. All the books! And the behind-the-scenes is even better...

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:05 am (UTC)(link)
Channel Winston Churchill: "I may be fat* my dear, but if I diet I shall be slim, whereas you are stupid, and there is no cure."

The National Library would be an appalling bigamist, as I know many people, including myself, who would also be marrying it. Good luck with the exams!

*You're curvylicious, ignore her.

[identity profile] emerald-dragon8.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:09 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, you have no idea how apt that quote is!

We'd just be one giant love-fest. With fabulous books. Oh, the fun we would have...

Thank you! I hate these kinds of exams: they're the kind you can't study for, but are still incredibly stressful.

I know I'm overweight, but jeez, there are a lot of things to criticise about me that aren't so juvenile.

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:12 am (UTC)(link)
I've been skinny, I've been bouncy, there's no difference between the two except that when you're skinny you get cold easily and when you're bouncy running takes a lot more effort. As long as you're reasonably fit and healthy *it actually doesn't matter*, no matter how much the women's mags make out that extra kilos are akin to leprosy.

Small-minded nastiness on the other hand ...

[identity profile] tomatoe18.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:13 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, hell. SO HE WAS *NOT* LYING. :O

The man was treated at the scene for a large gash on his head and smaller scratches on his arms, hands and chest and was taken to the Royal Melbourne Hospital in a stable condition.

Large gash on his head? I think I won't be coming near any kangaroos the next time I go to Australia, then. I much preferred the wombats anyway. *sniffs* (Unless, of course, wombats turn out to be deadly as well...)

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:16 am (UTC)(link)
You have to really work at it to be killed by a wombat. Though the grumpy ones will nip your ankles given half a chance.

[identity profile] deensey.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:24 am (UTC)(link)
Ahahahaha, I KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

[identity profile] deensey.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:25 am (UTC)(link)
There is one recorded fatality due to a wombat attack. It was a tourist.

[identity profile] deensey.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:25 am (UTC)(link)
Oh the virus laden air and how we love it.

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:26 am (UTC)(link)
YES YOU DO! And he is too lardy to avoid. Shame, cause I like all his friends. And he's fun to be around, but I can't be arsed dealing with his passive-aggressive whinefest any longer.

[identity profile] deensey.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:27 am (UTC)(link)
Well, we can't always be as great as beety.

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:27 am (UTC)(link)
Of course it was. DETAILS!

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:28 am (UTC)(link)
I am so flat and vile, I hates it!

[identity profile] deensey.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:29 am (UTC)(link)
It's not fun.

[identity profile] calanthe-fics.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:32 am (UTC)(link)
The chap at work, where I was vaguely functional for six hours, kept telling me that he'd had a really bad cold recently. "Yes," I said, "but I have flu, which is not the same."

"That's just a bad cold, isn't it? Are you on antibiotics?"

"Influenza is a different virus family to the set of viruses that cause colds, but both are viruses so neither respond to antibiotics," I told him, a little testily.

"Gosh, how do you know all this stuff?"

I resisted the urge to cough on him.


You're channelling Shiv!!!!

*passes you a hot toddy*

[identity profile] tomatoe18.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:34 am (UTC)(link)
:O

But, could it be the tourist's fault?

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:34 am (UTC)(link)
I am her older, stumpier, brunettier doppelganger. Ooh, I could go one of them ...

[identity profile] tomatoe18.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:35 am (UTC)(link)
I just want to pet it once or twice and then admire it from afar. They just remind me so much of my pillows at home... round and fluffy. (Or they seem that way...)

[identity profile] deensey.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:36 am (UTC)(link)
Very much so. There was apparent poking with a stick and photo taking.

[identity profile] tomatoe18.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:39 am (UTC)(link)
Poking? D: Well, that ought to teach them not to mess with wombats.

[identity profile] deensey.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:39 am (UTC)(link)
Srsly. They have no fear and they bite.

[identity profile] blamebrampton.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:41 am (UTC)(link)
The little ones are very sweet (and greedy!)

[identity profile] libby-drew.livejournal.com 2008-09-01 11:42 am (UTC)(link)
Now then the flu turns into a pandemic, I can, with confidence, contact WHO and say, "It was Brammers and her damn 'it'll kill ya' Australian strain!' She started it all on the train! Are you listening to me, man? The train!

On a side note, the spellcheck on LJ wants to change your name to "Crammers".

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