Dear Americans,

[blamebrampton]

On the whole, I love you. I have long loved many of your countrymen, sometimes from afar as with Frank Capra and Katherine Hepburn, and sometimes from up close as with some very lucky young people in the 1980s and '90s.

I think your land is beautiful, your governments uniformly mad, your religious leaders alternately inspiring and depressing and your jazz miraculous.

But.

I would like to impose a rule on you all. If you cannot say the word penis, you may not handle, draw, write about or otherwise involve yourself with them. Babytalk derivatives do not count. Similarly, the F-bomb and C-bomb may no longer be. "That person used an expletive I am not comfortable with" or "Fuck me! She said cunt!" are your two options.

That is all, please go about your business.

With love,
Brammers

Comments

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

One of the offenders is very young, the one I read in a fic is age indeterminate, and some of the F-Bombers live in vowel states, so I suppose I should be kinder (digs out memo on how to achieve that)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Now I really want to know what the more at B&B is ...

Yes. Penis. Cock if you'd like some hard consonants. I have since discovered that Americans call a ball-pein hammer a ball-peen hammer and I giggled like a five year old for a few minutes over that.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

And you would receive a 'cleared for knowingly ironic use' licence ...

Acclimated always stops me in my tracks, and bathroom for toilet; what do they call the room with the bath in it? At least for the spellings there are perfectly good historical reasons (and let us not speak of the OED's ize fetish ...).

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

I'll, err, just hold onto that license thanks. *g*

(I have to ask - before moving here, you didn't really think Australians had bidets right? Or any of the other stereotypes shown on Simpsons? *looks pleading* :/)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

No, but thanks to my mum I SERIOUSLY believed that every beach had sharks by the dozen. I am the only person I know who came to Australia and *stopped* going to the beacj ...

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Ummm.

But you know now that's not true, right? Really, beach outing are quite marvelous (even if the sand gets everywhere, and you're basically promised skin cancer... :/)

[arcanetrivia]

...Yes, yes we do. I never knew there was another way to spell it. I always thought it was either something with an obscure technical meaning, or just one of those words that once meant something sensible, but is now basically nonsense sounds.

BALL
PEEN

never occurred to me.

I guess that's why rough sex is often described as "hammering"!

[shadowclub.livejournal.com]

I think I may have to now:)

[daybreaq.livejournal.com]

Well, we tend to have our bath/showers and toilets in the same room in homes and hotels. Relatively newer construction has started to put a separate room with a toilet and usually a bidet *within* larger "master bathrooms." Some homes have "powder rooms" which are also called "half baths" for real estate purposes which have just a toilet and a sink which is for guests. We don't generally have the water closet system where the bathtub/shower is in a room completely separate from the toilet.

For example, my home would be listed by a real estate agent as having "2 1/2 baths." I have one relatively large room with two sinks, a shower, a large separate bathtub and a small room inside that large room with a toilet and a bidet. That's the "master bathroom." I have another smaller room with a toilet, sink and combined shower/tub all in the same room. That's the "2nd full bathroom." And I have one more room with just a toilet and a sink. That's the "powder room" or the "half bath." So really, only the the latter term is truly a misnomer.

The official term for a public toilet is "rest room" but it's true that a lot of Americans just use the word "bathroom" I think simply because that's what we first learn to call rooms that have toilets and sinks (as well as baths and showers.)

And that's probably more than you wanted to know about plumbing in the US.

[faith1922.livejournal.com]

Jesus, what are they? Fourteen and stealing Mommy's web access? But there is a certain sense of irony in the fact that they can write it in fic but not in real life. F-bomb my squishy butt.

I can top the 'peen' though. In this lovely country (Germany) there are some retards who prefer the term 'lulu' instead. And that is why the world will end soon. *nods* Very soon.

In case you're wondering where I came from, I arrived here by way of delious fic.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Hello! Sorry for the response delay, have been sewing (if only I was joking).

Look, I love Germany, went out with a great German boy for a while, one of the great loves of my life teaches German Philosophy in Berlin, but any nation so keen on nudity that still has people who say 'lulu' needs to be walled off. Do not despair, we will evacuate all the crazy people and then let the rest of you free again, having disposed of the lulu lot on a small South Pacific island.

(how does delicious fic work?)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Actually, that was hugely interesting! Sorry for the response delay, I spent the last week sewing constantly, and wishing I had been virtuous so that the sewing elves would appear.

Having the loo in the bathroom never seemed that hygienic, although it is common in Sydney, too. I insist that everyone put the lid down before flushing, p[artly because that is democratic across genders and partly because I used to live with a microbiologist.

The weird thing about American loos is how wide and shallow they are. I always end up drinking litres of water to stay awake after flying in and have been worried I will overfill ... and we're back to TMI ...

[faith1922.livejournal.com]

Oh, I never said I was sane!

And delicious fic works a bit like chocolate. You only want to eat that small bite, read that one chapter, before class or before bed and then, before you blink twice, you ate the whole bar, read everything you can find by one author. Of course, you enjoy every second of it but afterward, you're sitting in front of your computer, the chocolate wrapping, sort of dazed and on a sugar rush and not altogether well but deleriously happy. That's delicious fic.

I will await the search and rescue party with tea, cookies and a helmet.

[faith1922.livejournal.com]

And hey, can you spell delicious and wrong-er than I did up there? Ouch.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

There are no perfectly sane Germans, just as there are no perfectly sane English and only three perfectly sane Welsh. But I think we could all do with having the wrongly crazy removed and shipped off to an island ...

Mmmmmmm chocolate fic ... you've just perfectly described my experience of fandom. I was here for ONE FIC, I tell you!

(Also, spelling, schmelling, this is lj, standards are relaxed.)

[faith1922.livejournal.com]

And the perfectly sane Welsh would be?

I have the foreign language syndrom. Every time I spell something wrong I'm sure that someone will see it and decide, "look at that, someone doesn't speak our language properly." It's even worse in French.

And, believe me, we all came for juse one fic. I've yet to see anyone leave again, though.