blamebrampton | Dear Americans,

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Dear Americans,

On the whole, I love you. I have long loved many of your countrymen, sometimes from afar as with Frank Capra and Katherine Hepburn, and sometimes from up close as with some very lucky young people in the 1980s and '90s.

I think your land is beautiful, your governments uniformly mad, your religious leaders alternately inspiring and depressing and your jazz miraculous.

But.

I would like to impose a rule on you all. If you cannot say the word penis, you may not handle, draw, write about or otherwise involve yourself with them. Babytalk derivatives do not count. Similarly, the F-bomb and C-bomb may no longer be. "That person used an expletive I am not comfortable with" or "Fuck me! She said cunt!" are your two options.

That is all, please go about your business.

With love,
Brammers

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*lol* What happened?

Big fan of the penis, here! And I would totally support this rule, but I haven't a clue why it would be needed in our slashy world (or is this a more general problem that I am, as usual, completely ignorant of). Hell, given the usage of other words in our fics (context, people, it's all about context) I would think penis is the least of anyone's concerns . It's a nice word. Can I handle a few now? :D

An American here speaking up to say 'I agree.' I don't know how many times I've wanted to smack people for all the euphemisms. Yes, I can understand not wanting to say 'penis' in front of your elderly Italian Catholic grandmother, but in a group of peers, call it what it is.

i like the term 'f-bomb' tho.

it's fun to say.

i have a feeling it's not so much americans, as youth (well, other than the fact that a huge amount of lj is, in fact, americans, as is a rather large majority of the internet. i mean it did start over there).

my favourite ever? the middle of a smex scene and draco gazed lustily at harry's little soldier. i kid you not. :D

The lack of swearing in LJ posts (as opposed to the swamp of filth in the fic itself) surprised me until, working for a Dublin firm, I opened my friends page when an acquaintance had had a *really* bad day, and triggered about a hundred layers of security alerts. So I try not to say fuck in posts now.

Not that this is any excuse for silly euphemisms.

Can I have a Knowing Irony Licence for "F-bomb" as well please? I've never heard it before.

Ahahahaha! Ahaha. Ha.

I think I'm too old to have any real familiarity with the phrase "F-bomb".

*hangs head* I'm giggling in a really unseemly way over "a bit of peen". I dunno, I kinda like it--sounds like something you might order in a restaurant. It's better than the "willy" which made me set a new speed record in hitting my back button not long ago.

I am not so much about the infantile expressions, to be sure. I imagine it's hard to walk the fine line between euphemistic and clinical when writing sex scenes, though.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I like "cock". Heh.

I could understand if they're very young, but still. If you can't say the word, you can't do the deed, etc. I cuss like the sailor I used to be and in public too. Not around small children though. But, I can sympathize, took me a long while to be able to write out sex scenes without fading to black and such. *hugs*

Oh man, this made me laugh FAR too hard.

But I have the mouth of a sailor, so it's alright. =^^=

Haha, I avoid writing sex scenes because I dislike using the word penis and some of the alternative(phallus, hunk of man meat, love stick, thing etc.) are questionable... :)

I think your land is beautiful, your governments uniformly mad, your religious leaders alternately inspiring and depressing and your jazz miraculous.

So true... but it's an election year for us so hopefully things will change!

Ah! How odd. Yesterday, while perusing some art, I saw a warning for "peen" and had no idea what it meant. Then, upon opening said art, there was a fairly well-drawn picture, though no clue as to the identity of the warned for "peen". Then, at the bottom of the artses, was a note proclaiming the artist's self-squicked condition for having drawn the "peen". Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the art was depicting a blow job, but the genitalia was nearly indistinguishable from the background. Only then was I able to add it all up, finally realizing what "peen" referred to.

I thought perhaps I didn't get it because I'd rather be warned if slash art doesn't contain ~~penises~~ er, ~~penai~~... cocks, so I know I'll be wasting my time. ;)

But please don't blame Americans on the whole--lay it at the feet of the ridiculous children who are doing this, playing at the dirty stuff while terrified of their own sexuality. And really, let's feel sorry for them and hope they get over it.

See, now learning about this is a good thing. We can add the silly word to the list of Do Not Open; it'll fit nicely between "MPreg" and "Scat".

And the interwebs is safe once again!

Ha! Peen! I just saw that for the first time yesterday and now you have this funny post. I love it when the universe lines up.

Frankly, cock is the only word I can handle - I'm sure you've noticed. Everything else sounds so grade 6 to me...

And oh, fuck! Fuck is my absolute favourite swear word. I use it ALL the time, as I'm also sure you've noticed. I've actually been trying to cut back in RL. My son is now 15 months old and will soon be acquiring new words at the rate of a small locomotive. So I've been substituting "dork." In my other, less glamourous life, I do some work as a reseracher. I was reading an interview that had been transcribed horribly and one of the sentences (which should have read: "They go with boys who treat them like shit.") read: "The boys all dork them and shit." I nearly pissed myself laughing and promptly adopted dork as my fuck substitutes.

Draco could feel Harry's peen, hard and thick, pressing against his arse. He moaned and ground back against it. "Dork me. Dork me now, you dorking bastard."

My other favourite, because this is the world's longest reply ever, was when I was watching Goodwill Hunting on a channel that blocked out all the swears. There's a scene where they go through McDonald's and one of the characters keeps saying "Give me my fucking sandwich" because Affleck won't give him his burger. And the channel dubbed in "give me my burger sandwich." That's another favourite around the house. Whenever we can't swear we say "give me my burger sandwich." It's even better because no one ever gets it!

Okay, I'm done. Phew!

What a great post to start my Monday morning with!

Peen! Good lord!

Huh? I think I missed a memo on euphemisms somewhere along the line. You are totally right. You have my permission to proceed with whatever corrective action you deem necessary to punish the offenders (whose material I obviously have NOT read :-)

(Could it be that they are VERY young??? I LIKE my Anglo-Saxon words!)

PENIS
PENIS
PENIS

We really are on the same wavelength, lol.

*raise eyebrows*

Before meeting my f-list, I used to scowl at the American ways (tire instead of tyre; analyze over analyse; color and colour; airplane rather than aeroplane... you get my drift *g*), though I've never heard of the 'F-bomb' before. *is amused*

Jesus, what are they? Fourteen and stealing Mommy's web access? But there is a certain sense of irony in the fact that they can write it in fic but not in real life. F-bomb my squishy butt.

I can top the 'peen' though. In this lovely country (Germany) there are some retards who prefer the term 'lulu' instead. And that is why the world will end soon. *nods* Very soon.

In case you're wondering where I came from, I arrived here by way of delious fic.

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