Dear Americans,

[blamebrampton]

On the whole, I love you. I have long loved many of your countrymen, sometimes from afar as with Frank Capra and Katherine Hepburn, and sometimes from up close as with some very lucky young people in the 1980s and '90s.

I think your land is beautiful, your governments uniformly mad, your religious leaders alternately inspiring and depressing and your jazz miraculous.

But.

I would like to impose a rule on you all. If you cannot say the word penis, you may not handle, draw, write about or otherwise involve yourself with them. Babytalk derivatives do not count. Similarly, the F-bomb and C-bomb may no longer be. "That person used an expletive I am not comfortable with" or "Fuck me! She said cunt!" are your two options.

That is all, please go about your business.

With love,
Brammers

Comments

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

Ha! Peen! I just saw that for the first time yesterday and now you have this funny post. I love it when the universe lines up.

Frankly, cock is the only word I can handle - I'm sure you've noticed. Everything else sounds so grade 6 to me...

And oh, fuck! Fuck is my absolute favourite swear word. I use it ALL the time, as I'm also sure you've noticed. I've actually been trying to cut back in RL. My son is now 15 months old and will soon be acquiring new words at the rate of a small locomotive. So I've been substituting "dork." In my other, less glamourous life, I do some work as a reseracher. I was reading an interview that had been transcribed horribly and one of the sentences (which should have read: "They go with boys who treat them like shit.") read: "The boys all dork them and shit." I nearly pissed myself laughing and promptly adopted dork as my fuck substitutes.

Draco could feel Harry's peen, hard and thick, pressing against his arse. He moaned and ground back against it. "Dork me. Dork me now, you dorking bastard."

My other favourite, because this is the world's longest reply ever, was when I was watching Goodwill Hunting on a channel that blocked out all the swears. There's a scene where they go through McDonald's and one of the characters keeps saying "Give me my fucking sandwich" because Affleck won't give him his burger. And the channel dubbed in "give me my burger sandwich." That's another favourite around the house. Whenever we can't swear we say "give me my burger sandwich." It's even better because no one ever gets it!

Okay, I'm done. Phew!

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

Ha! I just noticed I wrote "Goodwill Hunting" instead of "Good Will Hunting." Because really, it was a moving about finding awesome second hand clothes in a thrift store, right?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Fuck was one of my earliest words as a child. My grandmother was not best pleased.

Draco could feel Harry's peen, hard and thick, pressing against his arse. He moaned and ground back against it. "Dork me. Dork me now, you dorking bastard."

Seriously, how am I meant to answer comments and beta for you in Feb if I am dead from laughing? Hairtoss and huffy pants!

You know what would be even better than the below, BTW? If Goodwill Hunting was about a movie where a professor paid for the university education of a working class boy who he recognised as a genius in op shopping. You could have the professor arguing passionately with the head of the School of Economics: "But he revolutionises all of our thinking on supply-side economics!!!"