Dear Americans,

[blamebrampton]

On the whole, I love you. I have long loved many of your countrymen, sometimes from afar as with Frank Capra and Katherine Hepburn, and sometimes from up close as with some very lucky young people in the 1980s and '90s.

I think your land is beautiful, your governments uniformly mad, your religious leaders alternately inspiring and depressing and your jazz miraculous.

But.

I would like to impose a rule on you all. If you cannot say the word penis, you may not handle, draw, write about or otherwise involve yourself with them. Babytalk derivatives do not count. Similarly, the F-bomb and C-bomb may no longer be. "That person used an expletive I am not comfortable with" or "Fuck me! She said cunt!" are your two options.

That is all, please go about your business.

With love,
Brammers

Comments

[luthien82]

*lol* What happened?

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

Big fan of the penis, here! And I would totally support this rule, but I haven't a clue why it would be needed in our slashy world (or is this a more general problem that I am, as usual, completely ignorant of). Hell, given the usage of other words in our fics (context, people, it's all about context) I would think penis is the least of anyone's concerns . It's a nice word. Can I handle a few now? :D

[carawen.livejournal.com]

An American here speaking up to say 'I agree.' I don't know how many times I've wanted to smack people for all the euphemisms. Yes, I can understand not wanting to say 'penis' in front of your elderly Italian Catholic grandmother, but in a group of peers, call it what it is.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

One of my comms has some really sweet and enthusiastic young people who will regularly say things along the lines of "a bit of peen in this one" and "I drop the F-bomb a few times!" in their warnings. I can actually deal with that 95% of the time, because I just imagine they are all secretly Amish and typing furtively in the stables.

An hour ago, fresh home from work, I did the thing I like to do once every few weeks and just clicked a random link. Where Harry described how much he loved Draco's peen. And once I finished laughing ...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Yes. You may have your penis licence first class and handle unsupervised. (Is it wrong that I now want badges for this?)

And god I love your icon.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY!!! Language should be as precise as possible.

Forgive me but I'm about to do another 'idiotic tales from my childhood' here. When I was three, my father was discovered by one of his friends frantically wandering the streets of Kensington crying quietly. "What happened?" she asked, worried. "I lost my daughter!" he declared. "Oh no! You poor man!" she cried. "Little Brammers was lovely! What happened?" "No, no, no, I've lost her. I know I left her with someone trustworthy, I just can't remember who ..." Hippies should not be allowed to care for toddlers ;-)

[house-illrepute.livejournal.com]

i like the term 'f-bomb' tho.

it's fun to say.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

You may use it with knowing irony.

[snottygrrl.livejournal.com]

i have a feeling it's not so much americans, as youth (well, other than the fact that a huge amount of lj is, in fact, americans, as is a rather large majority of the internet. i mean it did start over there).

my favourite ever? the middle of a smex scene and draco gazed lustily at harry's little soldier. i kid you not. :D

[pushdragon.livejournal.com]

The lack of swearing in LJ posts (as opposed to the swamp of filth in the fic itself) surprised me until, working for a Dublin firm, I opened my friends page when an acquaintance had had a *really* bad day, and triggered about a hundred layers of security alerts. So I try not to say fuck in posts now.

Not that this is any excuse for silly euphemisms.

Can I have a Knowing Irony Licence for "F-bomb" as well please? I've never heard it before.

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

Pardon the intrusion, but roflmao! Was it wearing a helmet? Could it shoot very far? did it stand to attention on parade?

Personally, if I saw a penis that was khaki or camouflage I'd be more concerned about getting the bearer to a medical facility than gazing lustily at it.

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

Oooh, can I have one of those flip out badges like the cops have? So want to walk up to someone and flip my badge and say 'Penis Inspection - drop trou and present. I'm licensed, you know?'

*blushes* Thank you. I made it from some lovely art Sherant did. You're welcome to use it with credits. :)

[libby-drew.livejournal.com]

because I just imagine they are all secretly Amish and typing furtively in the stables.

I just spit my coffee everywhere.

[snottygrrl.livejournal.com]

i'd say definitely yes to the helmet and the standing at attention.as to shooting, it rather would, but the aim and the distance is debatable :D :D

i laughed a lot.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Sorry! I hope it was instant ...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I think I will just come back to this comment and admire regularly!

A flip badge would be brilliant. And there should be some venue where you could work officially! Maybe at clubs, checking veracity ...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

That is so very wrong ... I agree with meredyth on the wrong places that it naturally goes ...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Yes, you may. Mostly because I know you know what irony actually is.

Good point on the work-safeness issue, but yes, there are other words. Damnable net nannies, they will trigger the end of civilisation one day.

[no-mad-skillz.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha! Ahaha. Ha.

I think I'm too old to have any real familiarity with the phrase "F-bomb".

*hangs head* I'm giggling in a really unseemly way over "a bit of peen". I dunno, I kinda like it--sounds like something you might order in a restaurant. It's better than the "willy" which made me set a new speed record in hitting my back button not long ago.

I am not so much about the infantile expressions, to be sure. I imagine it's hard to walk the fine line between euphemistic and clinical when writing sex scenes, though.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I like "cock". Heh.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

So many of us do ...

(and now we need to be in the same place so we can giggle like five year olds! I want a restaurant where one can order a bit of peen ... that may be my next travelling mission!)

[eanelinea77.livejournal.com]

I could understand if they're very young, but still. If you can't say the word, you can't do the deed, etc. I cuss like the sailor I used to be and in public too. Not around small children though. But, I can sympathize, took me a long while to be able to write out sex scenes without fading to black and such. *hugs*

[no-mad-skillz.livejournal.com]

in a group of peers

I must tell you that in my pre-coffee state, I read that as "in a group of peens".

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Which one should NEVER parade in front of an Italian Catholic grandmother ...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I think those are absolutely reasonable exceptions!

[Hangs head, I DO tend to fade out, mostly because sex is often too amusing to look at form the outside and there are enough jokes in my fics ...]

[no-mad-skillz.livejournal.com]

A bit of peen....With, I don't know, naan, maybe?

Also, I want a flip badge. *grabby hands*