blamebrampton

bryoneybrynn will probably beat me for this, but here are some notes from her proofread of Beneath Boundless Skies, NB she titled her email "Here, Harry, drink this while I tell you what we do to stay warm in Romania":

Harry sat at the DA table this time. Charlie had come up to Hogwarts again (of course he did), and sat between Harry and Ron (OF COURSE he did! Squeezed in real close to Harry I’m sure…). He brought a full bottle of the dark Romanian liquor (to liquor our young virgin hero up, no doubt), and when it was finished, Neville supplied something herbal and devastating. They were well into their cups when Ron groaned "Australia!" again.
...

Charlie broke the silence. "Bloody hell, Harry, what's wrong with Majorca? Or Romania for that matter?" Hee! You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Now, having looked at quite a bit of fic lately, it occurs to me that Bryoney is not alone in her fetishisation of Charlie Weasley. Whenever fandom needs a handy shagmonster/object of desire/voice of reason, Charlie seems to be the number one choice. Cal's done it, Maya's done it, nqdonne does it all the time, hell, I've even done it. A bit. I hesitate to say deus ex machina, because there is enough of the godlike Weasley out there already, so let us ponder instead the possibility that he is the Bunbury of fandom. A hot, dragon taming Bunbury ...

And before we go any further VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAYS to

meredyth_13,

frayach and

furiosity! The three of you really do improve the world in so very many ways!

In other news, I received a lovely reminder today that I have still not finished Fathers Who Could Do With a Spot of Sinning.

This is true, but you see, I had a terrible moment. I remembered something.

Years ago, I was sitting in a bar, having a quiet drink, when a handsome older woman sat down beside me.

"Buy you a drink?" she asked, in a cultured, well-modulated tone.

"Already got one, but the seat's empty," I replied.

She laughed, as she was meant to. We chatted about this and that. After a minute or two I said: "You look fantastic, and you're really witty, but I am just here for a quiet drink before I go home and work on my thesis, so if you're looking for company, don't let me distract you." Though by then I was considering giving her my phone number.

"No, no," she said. "This is good company. Although I was just thinking of how much you remind me of one of my old girlfriends."

"Oh? Was she nice?"

"Lovely, bright and funny. You have exactly the same eyes, and very similar colouring."

A cold chill settled over me. "Ah. Her name wouldn't be ______, would it?

"Oh wow! I can't believe you know her!"

I made my apologies shortly afterwards, and went home with my phone number a secret, and never returned to that bar, the best in my area, because it is a central tenet of my life that I will never sleep with anyone that either of my parents did.

Having remembered this, Fathers has become one long "But ..." for me. The characters in my head have been coming up with all sorts of helpful suggestions.

"You should kill us off!" say Albus and Scorpius.

"NO!" I reply, aghast. "Aside from the fact that you're my little darlings, no one would ever forgive me."

"Alien abduction, then."

"This isn't the X-Files."

"Send us to Australia."

"I'd be plagiarising myself"

"It could be a spell gone wrong!"

"I'd be plagiarising

jadzialove."

"One of them's a Veela."

"

mistful"

"Pregnant!"

"

romaine24"

"There's a bond!"

"All of fandom circa 2003-2006."

"GOD you're annoying. DAD!"

"What's up? Oh it's her again. Hi writerchops, what's your excuse this time?"

"Shut up, Harry, or I'll give you PTSD and we'll see how you like it."

"Will it come with mindless shagging? I could do with that after your closed-door policy. No wonder

calanthe_fics thinks you're secretly a nun. You've fooled no one with your World Youth Day ravings."

"You know, I could have you found the Church of St Potter after all and it be a celibate order ..."

"Some days I hate you."

"Where's everyone gone?"

"Draco! glad you're here. Buggalugs has decided she should actually finish our story."

"Have you still not done that?"

"I wrote 5000 words!"

"But not the end, yes?"

"Yes."

"So that would be unfinished."

"Yes."

"Honestly, you are so much more trouble than you're worth, you should feel grateful we like your cats and don't leave you to your own devices.

frayach and

sansa1970 are much nice to us."

"

anthimaeria's not talking to you"

"That's all a misunderstanding and it will be sorted soon.

aoifene has been lovely to us lately."

"Shit! I have a parcel to post to her. Anyway, none of this is helping me finish this story with the two of you getting together without the two of them breaking up."

Draco thinks on this for a while. "You could just have us talk reasonably to each other to work our way through the issues like grown-ups."

"Yes, because I need more long screeds of dialogue in my stories."

"Alternatively …"

"Yes?"

"Have Charlie Weasley seduce us both for a threesome!"

Some days I hate the characters in my head. Off to Ikea for more storage solutions now, hopefully it will all come to me in a revelation as I gaze at cheap Scandinavian design.