Quanto costa ...

[blamebrampton]

... generosità?

Yesterday's anonymous meme brought the predictable fallout, As I said to a friend of mine who was hammered viciously, but who is at least smart enough not to take it personally: anonymous people on the internet are rude cocks. WHO KNEW?

That said, I also asked her why she hadn't just asked me to poke her in the eyes, because it would have been more fun. At least for me!

Some people were lovely and kind and made each other feel happy. Others were honest and thoughtful and raised issues that they thought were important, but in reasonable ways. Still others were rude cocks. (I AM SHOCKED!)

But you're always going to get that last set. And it's ridiculous. If I went mad and said "tell me what you don't like about me", it would be a pointless exercise. I know the answers that people would give. I know me a million times better than anyone in lj land does, and that includes people who I count as good friends, several of whom have that title IRL.

This is true of everyone, so why hand the ability to be unkind over to other people? Is it masochism? A misplaced sense of toughness? Too lazy for a spot of self-abuse (not that kind of ... oh, all right, whatever kind you like.)

I just don't get it.

It's like some of my RL friends who like to cause maximum carnage when they are upset and drag as many people as they can down in the crossfire or morass. I find that mentally exhausting with them, and they are all people who actually have bought me drinks. Why would anyone play that game with virtual strangers?

deense, who lives near me, and I were talking about why people react so strongly to others in fandom. She started off by saying that people in fandom are easily excited. 'OMG! I like X and you like X! Let's talk about X! And then we can write fic!' So they start off with this fun sense of bonding, but after a while they're all 'HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE Y? What is WRONG with you? Crappy X lover!' And they confuse one shared interest with genuine similarity.

I agreed, and said that what I saw last night went a step further. People had this insane sense of self-decreed entitlement and authority. 'It is,' I said, 'as though you have this great relationship and then he comes home to meet your parents and he's all "YOUR PARENTS ARE NUDISTS?! How could you not have told me this? Our relationship is built on lies! Vile spawn of nudists and their corrupting exposed bits!!" except, instead of actually being your boyfriend, this is the person on the bus with whom you have a great smiling and holding a queue spot for relationship, and you're left gaping and asking: "Why are you in my family home?"'

Aside from this, I had a moment of panic about the appallingness of my Italian, so I purchased several books and CDs, and a giant dictionary of doom, and a children's book to practise with. There were a lot of books about, but I was tremendously lame and was unable to resist purchasing the one that began:

Gli abitanti de Little Hangleton la chiamavono ancora Casa Riddle, anche se erano passati tanti anni da quando i Riddle ci abitavano ...

I will pick up some Dante when I remember how to read Italian beyond textile articles.

Comments

[leochi.livejournal.com]

LOL - you picked an Italian version of a HP book. You're so cute and nearly as bad as I am. (*g* yeah, now to our similarities, OMG you buy HP in different languages, I do as well *g*)

But seriously, I liked this little rant, it made me giggle. People certainly seem excitable on LJ - I'm often surprised how much drama there is and how seriously people seem to take it.

No, I'm not saying more *big grin*.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I'll let you know when I can read it ;-)

It is mad. I am just grateful that I have met so many talented, smart, and generally damned nice people, why add drama to that mix?

And I am a MILE behind on commenting, but I have loved your pictures this week. Might go and pop the laundry on and then try to pick a few to talk about. But I wanted you to know that you have put a smile on my face every day!

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

You, BB, are my new guide to life. I saw you staying carefully out of the anon meme yesterday and thought "Man, I should have done that."

Now, you know me. I only said nice things. There was one person I really wanted to say something mean too but I did not, I just stayed away because even anonymously, why put negativity into the universe? Don't we all struggle enough as it is? *is showing her fluffy side* And I only got really lovely comments. The meanest thing anyone said to me is that my Scorp is too sappy and that sounded pretty accurate to me so... lol

But even still, I felt sort of dirty for taking part. Same with that friend meme I did a few days ago. Yes, it's nice and all but anything that asks you to publicly pick some friends over others is not a good thing, even if it is covered with flowers and chocolate and kittens.

So yes, no more of the internet popularity games for me. I often said you coudln't pay me to go back to high school so why am I helping to recreate it here?

On a different topic - would you have time to look over the first part of my inspired fic later?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I am so proud of you for bringing a spot of niceness and decency to the proceedings. And I have just realised that this sounds like a Monty Python straight line.

My theory is that if you really want to hear only bad things about yourself, you just need to drink a few stiff doubles then ring your least favourite relative.

That said, there were some people saying lovely things to each other, which I thought was great, but surely it would be better to have a note in your personal lj saying "Am feeling down, please comment with something nice, anonymous is fine".

I am pretty snowed under for the next week, I'm afraid. I have a birthday fic I desperately want to get up for someone this month and have had a few Britpicks dropped on me and the contract from hell. Give me a yell if you're really desperate, but if you can find anyone else they would certainly be more reliable! Sorry!

[furiosity.livejournal.com]

It's actually getting better, believe it or not, the whole "anonymous truthiness" thing. There's always going to be the contingent of anon creatures who are positively drunk on the fact that they don't have a reputation to protect when they don't log in, and so they feel free to say shit they'd never say if they were using their own name.

But back in the day, people used to take it further than just "nah nah you're a fatty" or similar pearls of wisdom. A few years ago, me and a friend got into it with a few anons who were frothing with rage because some people (us included) were Breaking The Rules of Anonymous Memes By Posting Logged In Oh Noes! I had a flocked post reposted (on the hate meme) as a result of that altercation, which, you'd think was pretty bad? But no, my friend had her journal broken into for the purpose of sending someone she'd argued with on that meme a v-gift asserting her opponent's "superiority" over her -- months after the meme. So today's anonymous memes are a marked improvement really. :P

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

It's really sad to think that these people have gone without sex for that long ...

Glad you can still laugh about it!

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

I'm in love with your icon.

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

I know me a million times better than anyone in lj land does, and that includes people who I count as good friends, several of whom have that title IRL.

Exactly. I saw the meme and thought, "Um ... no. I have enough things in my life to bring me down, thanks. Why would I go asking for thoughtless, hurtful comments?"

Because anything constructive can be given on my posts. Anything else is not worth getting my knickers in a twist over. Hell, I've seen people crumble over concrit or a lack of comments, never mind asking for asshats to come out of the woodwork and post nasty remarks.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Exactly! SNAP! I wish I was a billionaire so I could fly around delivering cups of tea.

[leela-cat.livejournal.com]

Someone says anonymous meme, and I shudder and run away (metaphorically at least). The answer is always going to be no: not commenting and certainly not putting my name in.

Life's too short and I've had enough of that kind of grief in non-anonymous ways.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

That's because you're smart and fundamentally sane. I approve mightily!

[empress-jae.livejournal.com]

i just don't get the anon memes, and i stay as far away from them as i possibly can. i mean, with what i've been dealing with in my own self-worth in fandom, that LAST thing i needed to do was draw a bullseye on my chest and throw myself out there to possibly be ripped apart. *shivers* no...i don't think i could handle that right now, thank you very much.

however i DID look through the comments, and i only knew a handful of people who put their names down for target practice. i don't think i saw the fall out you're referring to, but i did see someone stand up for a mutual friend of ours. and i wish i knew who this anon person was, because whether or not it was their place to say anything about *ahem* the situation...i have to side with anon. :/

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Oh well, now I feel dirty because I am wholly intrigued! I clicked through from a few of the posts on my flist to check that I wasn't going to need to send cheering emails today, as it turned out, I did send a few SMSes to one, but the other person I thought could probably do with a cheer-up just isn't someone I know well enough to say "Let it go" to.

[pingrid.livejournal.com]

Huh! I missed any fallout, but then I wasn't paying attention either. The whole concept of an anonymous meme seems so stupid to me - if people have good stuff to say surely they can do it while logged in, and why would you want to hear the negative opinions of people who don't feel them strongly enough to take it up with you directly? It makes no sense!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

It makes no sense!

I say that all the time.

Quanto costa questo paio di guanti?

[romaine24.livejournal.com]

I didn't participate in the MEME by posting anon or asking for anon. It's got scary written all over it. The last thing I need is my muse to get his feelings hurt. He's a sensative bastard, unlike me. *g*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

The craziness was just too crazy ...

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

I don't participate in anything like that for the obvious reason that I ABHOR the anonymous aspect of these stupid memes. You have something nice to say to me, say it to my face so that I can cyber hug you. You have something nasty to say to me, then please, let's discuss your objections to my presence on this planet. I think these sort of exercises bring out the WORST in people. And what's to stop someone from saying all sorts of nice things to a person on their LJ anyway. Hmmm?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Well, I think you're quite clever, and I like clever!

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I agree with the masses. No point in soliciting anonymous flames. I think it's curiosity that makes people sign up. If something's really bugging someone I hope they'd have the cojones to say it to my face.

If you signed up, I would say that I hate that you live about a million miles away!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I hate that I can't be there to show you my bad haircut photos while we drink tea and giggle!

hello, new friend.

[aldehyde.livejournal.com]

i don't understand any italian but haha! that looks like the italian version of goblet of fire, maybe ? how nerdily awesome :D

i have always wanted to read dante. it's been on the to-read list for EVER.

as for the anon meme, i tried to provide concrit when i wasn't being downright nice. i don't really have anyone on the flist that i don't like so there was no need for me to be catty ;)

it's just the nature of ANYTHING anonymous that brings out the worst in ppl. b/c either they're jealous or unhappy or SOMETHING with the person being evaluated, and they don't have the balls to be upfront about it. also, some ppl just like confrontation. the internet simply makes all this easier to do b/c a) either you're being totally anonymous and can't be tracked and b) even if you can be identified, you're doing this over the computer, so what are the chances that the person you're bitching at will come up to your face and ask you to justify yourself?

i've seen soooooooooo much internet drama over the last decade that it's not even funny anymore. it's just sort of sick and saddening.

Re: hello, new friend.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

You are quite right, and yes, it is the nerdiest thing I have done in a very long time (aside from taking up fic, shhh.)

Dante is GREAT, but I have only read him in translation. I'll let you know what he's like in Italian ... in about a year ...

It just surprises me that people would exert that much energy to make other people feel like crap. Surely for the same amount of effort they could go down the pub and pull, or make a cake, or learn to knit. Gah! Anyway, WELCOME. Glad to see you, you seem rather cool and PLU*, hurrah!

*People like Us, in case you're under 35. In which case, PLU, but younger;-)

[tray-la-la.livejournal.com]

*dies*

i actually rolled around on my bed laughing at that bit about the bus queue buddy.

and yes, as i said on my journal, i believe it is emotional masochism. having a friend poke you in the eyes would definitely be more fun. for all parites.

(oh, and this is tlp2107. i changed my name!)

[painless-j.livejournal.com]

I genuinely don't understand the mindset of the people who take part, either commenting anon (not to mention say nasty things anon!) OR asking for it. I just don't understand. If I want to say something nice to somebody, I'll say it to their face. Let them have context along with the compliment. If I'm too chicken to do it, let it be my problem (general 'I'; I myself is never too scared to speak up; more of the opposite). If I ever want to say something nasty or snide, I'll make myself leave my computer station and go do something else to cool down. It's not worth it to say something with the purpose to hurt. It would diminish me first.

And I don't understand the wish to hear anon 'honesty'. I mean, dude, you talk with people in fandom day after day and see them talk among themselves. Can't you say what they think of you by what they say to you and how they do it? Even if one can't evaluate such thing by observation (say, having too low or two high self-esteem), this meme won't give them an accurate picture. It will often give you a random one, and even more often, unnecessarily hurtful and warped one. So I simply don't see the point. Just drama-seeking?

All these words were just to say 'word' or something like that :)

[abusing-sarcasm.livejournal.com]

I'm stupid and I thought people would say nice things and maybe a few nitpicks.

I should have known better. I mean, I do know better. I've been around the block. I know how people are. But it seemed like a fun idea. I didn't think people would take it as a chance to act like rude cocks, at least not completely.

Consider me chastened.

[anabellhenry.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I think I live in an alternative universe because I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. An Anonymous Meme? This isn't the first time I've been in the dark about an apparently big event that's happened... someplace.

Still, reading your post and considering other reflections on other stuff I've missed? Wow, am I lucky! ;-)

[jadzialove.livejournal.com]

OMG! I am soooo glad I missed that!

Seriously, I cringe and hurt for people who receive unkind reviews on fics that probably really are that bad. Why set up comfortably in the center of a potentially demented crowd and ask for tomatoes (and other assorted overripe fruits and veggies) to be thrown at you?

I find posting a story scary and exposing enough, thank you very much.

And lookit you, with your international flavored HP. Here I thought I was one of the cool kids with my UK versions...

[violetage.livejournal.com]

Now I am vaguely worried that something I did might break the whole internets! Or just make me look silly. I did the Snaps Cup thingie. Which I figure is pretty lamish but I need my entertainmetns where i get it.

I dislike anonymemes in general when they are unmoderated and the idea is, "I am indeed drunk with power and therefore because I am jealous of you I will say something rude, crude and despicable that I would never say if I had to own up to it face to face and see the hurt in that other person's face!"

Also, HI!