Charlie Weasley: Bunbury? and where's Father's at?

[blamebrampton]

bryoneybrynn will probably beat me for this, but here are some notes from her proofread of Beneath Boundless Skies, NB she titled her email "Here, Harry, drink this while I tell you what we do to stay warm in Romania":

Harry sat at the DA table this time. Charlie had come up to Hogwarts again (of course he did), and sat between Harry and Ron (OF COURSE he did! Squeezed in real close to Harry I’m sure…). He brought a full bottle of the dark Romanian liquor (to liquor our young virgin hero up, no doubt), and when it was finished, Neville supplied something herbal and devastating. They were well into their cups when Ron groaned "Australia!" again.
...

Charlie broke the silence. "Bloody hell, Harry, what's wrong with Majorca? Or Romania for that matter?"  Hee! You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Now, having looked at quite a bit of fic lately, it occurs to me that Bryoney is not alone in her fetishisation of Charlie Weasley. Whenever fandom needs a handy shagmonster/object of desire/voice of reason, Charlie seems to be the number one choice. Cal's done it, Maya's done it, nqdonne does it all the time, hell, I've even done it. A bit. I hesitate to say deus ex machina, because there is enough of the godlike Weasley out there already, so let us ponder instead the possibility that he is the Bunbury of fandom. A hot, dragon taming Bunbury ...

And before we go any further VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAYS to meredyth_13, frayach and furiosity! The three of you really do improve the world in so very many ways!

In other news, I received a lovely reminder today that I have still not finished Fathers Who Could Do With a Spot of Sinning.

This is true, but you see, I had a terrible moment. I remembered something.

Years ago, I was sitting in a bar, having a quiet drink, when a handsome older woman sat down beside me.

"Buy you a drink?" she asked, in a cultured, well-modulated tone.

"Already got one, but the seat's empty," I replied.

She laughed, as she was meant to. We chatted about this and that. After a minute or two I said: "You look fantastic, and you're really witty, but I am just here for a quiet drink before I go home and work on my thesis, so if you're looking for company, don't let me distract you." Though by then I was considering giving her my phone number.

"No, no," she said. "This is good company. Although I was just thinking of how much you remind me of one of my old girlfriends."

"Oh? Was she nice?"

"Lovely, bright and funny. You have exactly the same eyes, and very similar colouring."

A cold chill settled over me. "Ah. Her name wouldn't be ______, would it?

"Oh wow! I can't believe you know her!"

I made my apologies shortly afterwards, and went home with my phone number a secret, and never returned to that bar, the best in my area, because it is a central tenet of my life that I will never sleep with anyone that either of my parents did.

Having remembered this, Fathers has become one long "But ..." for me. The characters in my head have been coming up with all sorts of helpful suggestions.

"You should kill us off!" say Albus and Scorpius.

"NO!" I reply, aghast. "Aside from the fact that you're my little darlings, no one would ever forgive me."

"Alien abduction, then."

"This isn't the X-Files."

"Send us to Australia."

"I'd be plagiarising myself"

"It could be a spell gone wrong!"

"I'd be plagiarising jadzialove."

"One of them's a Veela."

"mistful"

"Pregnant!"

"romaine24"

"There's a bond!"

"All of fandom circa 2003-2006."

"GOD you're annoying. DAD!"

"What's up? Oh it's her again. Hi writerchops, what's your excuse this time?"

"Shut up, Harry, or I'll give you PTSD and we'll see how you like it."

"Will it come with mindless shagging? I could do with that after your closed-door policy. No wonder calanthe_fics thinks you're secretly a nun. You've fooled no one with your World Youth Day ravings."

"You know, I could have you found the Church of St Potter after all and it be a celibate order ..."

"Some days I hate you."

"Where's everyone gone?"

"Draco! glad you're here. Buggalugs has decided she should actually finish our story."

"Have you still not done that?"

"I wrote 5000 words!"

"But not the end, yes?"

"Yes."

"So that would be unfinished."

"Yes."

"Honestly, you are so much more trouble than you're worth, you should feel grateful we like your cats and don't leave you to your own devices.  frayach and sansa1970 are much nice to us."

"anthimaeria's not talking to you"

"That's all a misunderstanding and it will be sorted soon. aoifene has been lovely to us lately."

"Shit! I have a parcel to post to her. Anyway, none of this is helping me finish this story with the two of you getting together without the two of them breaking up."

Draco thinks on this for a while. "You could just have us talk reasonably to each other to work our way through the issues like grown-ups."

"Yes, because I need more long screeds of dialogue in my stories."

"Alternatively …"

"Yes?"

"Have Charlie Weasley seduce us both for a threesome!"

Some days I hate the characters in my head. Off to Ikea for more storage solutions now, hopefully it will all come to me in a revelation as I gaze at cheap Scandinavian design.

Comments

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

Surely you can give yourself permission to copy your ideas? ♥

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but it's more fun to come up with something new! I'm getting there!

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

I love the characters in your head, especially the one that looks and sounds like you. Oh, and thank goodness no one mentioned Mira... >.>

*gnashes teeth*

Seriously...

*does some more enamel damage*

That being said - THANK YOU!

Now, stop buying distractions and write some fic, woman! They're boys - they're not going to angst about it like we would. Honestly! As long as they get to shag - and not talk too much about it with their parents/children.

♥

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Mira makes me happy, as I am not the slowest updater in fandom!

I am writing, but not this story. Don't hurt me! Happy birthday!!

[romaine24.livejournal.com]

OMG I am so dying of laughter right now. I was just on my way to bed (feeling poorly) and saw your post. I'm thinking Charlie might be the answer. Of course he could make them both pregnant. *snicker* And that alien idea isn't so bad, just make it a dragon that takes them to Charlie.

thanks so much for this.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

ARGH! No mpreg! Babies are cute little aliens that I do not understand! Only you can carry that off with style. But I do think that I will at some point write a story in which shagging Charlie is the key to every plot problem ;-)

[rickey-a.livejournal.com]

head, spinning, very confused, ack, I must be in the wrong hemisphere

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Or it could just be that I am confusing ... Where did I lose you, Rickey? I may be able to talk you through it.

[cinnatart.livejournal.com]

*snickers* my my, I had NO idea when I asked if you were finishing this soon, it was tttthhhhaaaaaaatttttttt crazy in your head.

though, I must thank you. you reminded me I ALSO have a parcel to post to Aoife. hm.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Many many moons ago when I was a young lass in school, our teacher said "The best way to tell if your dialogue in a story works is to act it out. Now, Brammers, stand up and give the class a demonstration from that story that you're working on."

She should have known better, given how often I missed Saturday sport for drama and ballet. Fifteen minutes later she finally stopped me before I acted out the part where one character murdered the other.

"Just like that. But slightly saner," she concluded.

[frantic-mice.livejournal.com]

Wut? *tilts head* Nope, still don't get it. All I understood was that your characters are either suicidal or watch too many X-file reruns, and that you can't write because you almost scarred yourself for life by almost getting picked up by one of your parent's former beauties? Other than that I got nuffin.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

You're mostly there, Mousie! Basically every time I try to write H/D to finish my sequel, I stop and ask myself "Is this tasteless? I have always fled from anyone associated with shagging my parents, would they do the same from anyone associated with shagging me?" (the answer is almost certainly not! My mother is and father was hilariously appalling.)

So the characters in my head are coming up with cunning and helpful suggestions. Since writing this earlier, they have all decided that group sex with Charlie Weasley is a perfectly valid plot device for any twist.

[pingrid.livejournal.com]

I'm all in favour of something cheap and Scandinavian; it usually helps to clear the head.

Also, very much in favour of fanon!Charlie. He's easy-going, fit, and un-epilogue'd; goes with any flavour and has exciting, manly job. What's not to love? I'd have to argue that he isn't Bunbury, though, unless it's become comme il faut to make one's excuses on the basis that one has a very slutty friend who hasn't had sex in days, and that one simply must rush to the country and take care of the situation to prevent his untimely death from abstinence.

Re: Fathers, I don't quite get the connection. None of the fathers slept with the kids, did they? No matter; yes, do bring Charlie in for the threesome! :D *hoots and cheers*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Nah, though AM will kill me if I can't get H/D happening, and it's just that little bit incestuous, don't you think?

We are the proud owners of new shelves and hooks, which will liberate our old too-small shelves for the street scavengers tomorrow, they will be thrilled!

And you know, I do think it's only a matter of time before "Must dash off to shag Charlie" becomes the excuse du jour.

[tomatoe18.livejournal.com]

I'm writing Charlie. Why am I writing Charlie? Should I be using someone else? But Charlie makes sense.

But Scandinavia just gave me idea for something. Hmmm...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

It's because Charlie rocks! You should definitely write him! And he would be right at home in Scandinavia ...

[snottygrrl.livejournal.com]

i have to admit i don't really like the h/d & al/scorp double pairing, but in your fics i can believe anything. seriously. i'll accept just about anything you want to tell me and happily. [*nods*]

that being said i really should get to some writing of my own as well.

oh, and if the characters in your head are suggesting having a threesome with charlie, i'm loving them even more :D

i want you to know i live in hope of one day meeting you, and you should know you are the reason my england trip isn't a total disaster. well, you and fran and waterbird, but it was your missive that got my arse actually planning. [*loves you*]

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

But I'm not sure I can believe it at the moment! Argh! Overthinking is bad for me!

And yes, more sno writing please!

Draco is suggesting a threesome, Harry is rolling his eyes at him. This happens more than you would suspect in my head.

You WILL meet me! We're going to the Deco exhibition and if at all possible I am coming to see you in September!

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I'm still talking to them, but all they want to do is shag!

Speaking of the bar episode, I guess you're just a chip off the old block, aren't you? *ruffles your hair* Very good that you didn't find out too late that Mum had been there first. ;)

Looking forward to more Fathers, and don't you dare kill any of our boys.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

No killing! And I think I need to borrow your shagging characters, mine keep solving crimes and having cups of tea.

Yes'm, it's true. But years of experience have taught me three things:
1. Boys are generally safe.
2. My mum doesn't like pixie-like girls.
3. She mostly shags Americans, so Europeans are safe, too!

[pushdragon.livejournal.com]

Obviously you did not watch enough soap operas in your youth. The solution is obvious. Paternity mix-up. Turns out Albus Severus Potter is actually the child of Ginny's affair with Dean Thomas. She's been glamour charming him all his life to hide the lie from Harry.

Meanwhile, turns out Scorpius Malfoy is actually adopted because Draco couldn't make himself sleep with his wife.

Problem solved.

Did you show potential dates some family pictures to make sure you weren't about to breach your resolution?

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I just stuck to toy boys and girls, though then my mother started going out with women younger than me and that plan was shot to hell. Happily I met J at about the same time.

The only soap I have ever watched was Passions, which I got into a few years ago when I was recuperating from some trauma or other. But I think having Scorpius be Astoria's animated doll might be taking things a step too far.

[potterotic.livejournal.com]

In real life, people get paid extremely well for muck and drivel while you keep giving us brilliance (like this clever journal entry) for free:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/12/opinion/12colllins.html?ref=opinion

I wait happily.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Life is so unfair!! But in all conscience, if I wrote like Stephenie Myer, I could not charge for it;-)

[tray-la-la.livejournal.com]

okay, i'm officially confused! :p

as neither al or scorpius has slept with harry or draco, i'm not quite getting the analogy... i know that many people are squicked by h/d and as/s in the same story though, but i am definitely not one of them. as h/d is my otp, i just can't put the boys aside when writing as/s, since their not being together upsets the balance of the happy little world in my head *g*

anyway, my heart flutters with hope that you've updated Fathers each time i see your name pop up in my flist, so i hope your characters work it out!

[tray-la-la.livejournal.com]

also, charlie weasley is hot! i have no idea how or when this little development took place, but i say let the fetishization continue! ;)

[who_la_hoop]

You could just have us talk reasonably to each other to work our way through the issues like grown-ups."

Surely no-one actually does that? :) I recommend getting some/all of them drunk and seeing what happens!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Ah Hoopy my dear friend, once you're old, alcohol hurts so much more the next day ... but yes, there is a party at some point in what is shaping up as the ending. I'm tossing up whether there is also unintentional skinny dipping and kittens, but it'll work itself out, I'm sure.

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

hee! I would never beat you for sharing my genius with your f-list. Besides, then it shows that we are friends and makes me look cool. I'm totally that geeky hanger-on to your queen bee. lol

and I stand by Harry/Charlie. It's hot and BBS totally could have taken a little tangent before the trip to australia. I'm just saying.

And it's okay. As much as the father/father, son/son thing is bothering you, I think every as/s writing is entitled to at least one such fic.

Or you know, the threesome with Charlie. If you do it now, after this post, it will be ironic so you'll still be cool... *g*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I am such a crap queen bee. When I was at school I would have instant friends because my grandparents breed horses and I always had several ponies, and I would always look at people suspiciously when they were overly nice to me. You, however, would have passed the test and been seen as proper friend since you are not really a hanger-on at all! We take turns to be the crazy one in this friendship!

You know that at some point I am going to write a war or immediately post-war fic where Harry goes to Romania after all your nagging, now, don't you? Your birthday's already gone, hasn't it? ;-)

[vaysh11.livejournal.com]

May I suggest Harry slamming Draco into the wall instead of that kitchen table work-it-all-out talk? ;-)

This made my day already (which has just started)!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Oh you people with your wallsex, it's like listening to pushdragon here!

Glad I could give you a laugh ;-)

[libby-drew.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOL I think you just broke my brain with this.

Good rule of thumb. Never sleep with someone one of your parents has. Because...yes, very wrong. *nods* You're full of sage advice.

I can has my Charlie threesome now? ;)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad mine's not the only broken brain around here!

You know, at this rate I will end up writing Charlie threesome someday, but not today!

[i-autumnheart.livejournal.com]

I think the The Charlie Weasley thing is all about the possibly attainable...*g*. I was watching the "year in the life of JRK" thing on TV tonight, and was reminded that she actually said he was (a) straight and (b) unattached...it's the next best thing to canon! When fandom persists in making all the pretty boys only interested in each other, a single fangirl's got to have someone to fixate on. The dragons have got to be less of a challenge to get past than the combined forces of slashfic.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Dammit, I forgot to watch that! Anything else good on it?

And yes, I think you are quite right. Dragon boy is good for everyone!

[differente.livejournal.com]

i loved your anecdote! and the dialogue following it. :)

[frayach-nicuill.livejournal.com]

LOL!!! Holy shit. That was funny - all of it, from the Mom-was-here cautionary tale to your recalcitrant Harry and Draco.

"Shut up, Harry, or I'll give you PTSD and we'll see how you like it."

:D :D :D How perfect is that?? hahahahahahaha Yes, indeed, if anyone should have PTSD it's Harry, but damn it, it's so hard to write someone debilitated by major psychological trauma having scorching wall sex. Granted Cal and Push could pull it off (The Mudhoney Trilogy and "Nocturne for Quill & Ink," respectively), and I'm trying to do it with Draco in Circumstance, but it ain't no walk in the park. LOL. I love it :D

P.S. Thank you so much for the b-day wishes :)

[grey-hunter.livejournal.com]

Oh, you know, Albus and Scorpius are really JKR's children whom she had Harry and Draco adopt -- without their knowing. She Obliviated them, or modified their memories (probably enlisted Hermione to do it and then modified her memory, too), gave them Aging Potion and wedding bands, and put them back in their supposed lives almost twenty years later (but avoided the round number 'cos it would have been too suspicious) while in the reality, no more time has passed than it would take you to turn a page.

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