blamebrampton | Charlie Weasley: Bunbury? and where's Father's at?

bryoneybrynn will probably beat me for this, but here are some notes from her proofread of Beneath Boundless Skies, NB she titled her email "Here, Harry, drink this while I tell you what we do to stay warm in Romania":

Harry sat at the DA table this time. Charlie had come up to Hogwarts again (of course he did), and sat between Harry and Ron (OF COURSE he did! Squeezed in real close to Harry I’m sure…). He brought a full bottle of the dark Romanian liquor (to liquor our young virgin hero up, no doubt), and when it was finished, Neville supplied something herbal and devastating. They were well into their cups when Ron groaned "Australia!" again.
...

Charlie broke the silence. "Bloody hell, Harry, what's wrong with Majorca? Or Romania for that matter?" Hee! You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Now, having looked at quite a bit of fic lately, it occurs to me that Bryoney is not alone in her fetishisation of Charlie Weasley. Whenever fandom needs a handy shagmonster/object of desire/voice of reason, Charlie seems to be the number one choice. Cal's done it, Maya's done it, nqdonne does it all the time, hell, I've even done it. A bit. I hesitate to say deus ex machina, because there is enough of the godlike Weasley out there already, so let us ponder instead the possibility that he is the Bunbury of fandom. A hot, dragon taming Bunbury ...

And before we go any further VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAYS to

meredyth_13,

frayach and

furiosity! The three of you really do improve the world in so very many ways!

In other news, I received a lovely reminder today that I have still not finished Fathers Who Could Do With a Spot of Sinning.

This is true, but you see, I had a terrible moment. I remembered something.

Years ago, I was sitting in a bar, having a quiet drink, when a handsome older woman sat down beside me.

"Buy you a drink?" she asked, in a cultured, well-modulated tone.

"Already got one, but the seat's empty," I replied.

She laughed, as she was meant to. We chatted about this and that. After a minute or two I said: "You look fantastic, and you're really witty, but I am just here for a quiet drink before I go home and work on my thesis, so if you're looking for company, don't let me distract you." Though by then I was considering giving her my phone number.

"No, no," she said. "This is good company. Although I was just thinking of how much you remind me of one of my old girlfriends."

"Oh? Was she nice?"

"Lovely, bright and funny. You have exactly the same eyes, and very similar colouring."

A cold chill settled over me. "Ah. Her name wouldn't be ______, would it?

"Oh wow! I can't believe you know her!"

I made my apologies shortly afterwards, and went home with my phone number a secret, and never returned to that bar, the best in my area, because it is a central tenet of my life that I will never sleep with anyone that either of my parents did.

Having remembered this, Fathers has become one long "But ..." for me. The characters in my head have been coming up with all sorts of helpful suggestions.

"You should kill us off!" say Albus and Scorpius.

"NO!" I reply, aghast. "Aside from the fact that you're my little darlings, no one would ever forgive me."

"Alien abduction, then."

"This isn't the X-Files."

"Send us to Australia."

"I'd be plagiarising myself"

"It could be a spell gone wrong!"

"I'd be plagiarising

jadzialove."

"One of them's a Veela."

"

mistful"

"Pregnant!"

"

romaine24"

"There's a bond!"

"All of fandom circa 2003-2006."

"GOD you're annoying. DAD!"

"What's up? Oh it's her again. Hi writerchops, what's your excuse this time?"

"Shut up, Harry, or I'll give you PTSD and we'll see how you like it."

"Will it come with mindless shagging? I could do with that after your closed-door policy. No wonder

calanthe_fics thinks you're secretly a nun. You've fooled no one with your World Youth Day ravings."

"You know, I could have you found the Church of St Potter after all and it be a celibate order ..."

"Some days I hate you."

"Where's everyone gone?"

"Draco! glad you're here. Buggalugs has decided she should actually finish our story."

"Have you still not done that?"

"I wrote 5000 words!"

"But not the end, yes?"

"Yes."

"So that would be unfinished."

"Yes."

"Honestly, you are so much more trouble than you're worth, you should feel grateful we like your cats and don't leave you to your own devices.

frayach and

sansa1970 are much nice to us."

"

anthimaeria's not talking to you"

"That's all a misunderstanding and it will be sorted soon.

aoifene has been lovely to us lately."

"Shit! I have a parcel to post to her. Anyway, none of this is helping me finish this story with the two of you getting together without the two of them breaking up."

Draco thinks on this for a while. "You could just have us talk reasonably to each other to work our way through the issues like grown-ups."

"Yes, because I need more long screeds of dialogue in my stories."

"Alternatively …"

"Yes?"

"Have Charlie Weasley seduce us both for a threesome!"

Some days I hate the characters in my head. Off to Ikea for more storage solutions now, hopefully it will all come to me in a revelation as I gaze at cheap Scandinavian design.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I have some in the much-missed green, and I was going for white since I am going to paint the living room white in the next few months, but they were out of stock and I am not fussy.

Ah, you too have spotted I cannot write teh pron. All too true. But I can admire the Charlie ... just no rope burns anywhere visible.

I hadn't even registered a lack of pr0n from you; is there? Your characterisations and dialogue thrill me so much that I forget to even look for it. And I'm a true porn hound, so that's pretty amazing! :D But now you have me thinking how amazing something like an explicit dialogue-only sex scene from you would be, mmm... *tempts*

BTW, do you know when the AS/S fest reveals are?

Beginning of August, I think, not really sure. SO far behind with my reading in that fest, I need to get another rec post together.

Now, you might *think* that would be a good idea, but in reality it would be more like:

"Oh yes."
"Yah, just like that. Perfect. A smidge to the left."
"Your left or my left?"
"Your left, my right."
"Good-oh."
"Sorry, can't talk now, brain exploding."

Ah, but I'm all for realism in sex scenes, so that's fine! :D

And great, that's not too far off. My curiosity should manage until then. :) I've hardly read anything in the fest yet but this has reminded me to go check out your earlier recs!

I liked Potter Shaped Malfoy, too, though I'm biased because I helped beta it. I'm dying to know who wrote Pocket Wizard, though I have a few suspicions!

Thanks! Will check them out; I already started Potter Shaped Malfoy earlier today but then I wandered off and forgot what I was doing. I'd excuse it by saying that the brain is not entirely itself today, but since this is my standard MO I'd be lying.

By the way - I've been trawling LJ's not entirely helpful help pages trying to find out how to get that handy expand option on comments that everyone else seems to have except me - have you done something particular to get it, or is it maybe a paid account thing?

Alas, it is a paid account doovie. One of the three things that made my $20 worthwhile.

PSM is one of those handy stories with natural breaks that you can put down and pick up again without disaster. I do the vague-out regularly too, all the cool kids are into it!

I've been debating getting a paid account too, mainly because of the usefulness, with a brain like mine, of being able to edit comments. What are the two other benefits that you like?

Editing, expanding, and being able to post pictures directly from my hard drive, and it's less than the cost of one cafe meal, so I thought it worthwhile, even if I am not wholly sure about the owners of LJ. I buy enough stuff from companies that ultimately belong to bastards no matter how hard I try not to ... I've given up on being the perfect ethical shopper.

Ha! LJ should pay you to do PR through criticism; you have me convinced! :D

It would be like that Dudley Moore film where they had the asylum inhabitants writing adverts. "Buy this, it's less crap than the alternative ..."

Amazingly, that kind of advertising is not only the stuff of film and legend. There's a restaurant in the old town of Varanasi that has chosen this very reassuring slogan. Clearly, they don't like to put themselves forward too much.

That is brilliant! Our fave cheap Japanese (Asakusa if you are ever in King St Newtown), used to have a slogan on its front chalkboard: We look after you, you look after yourself!

We still say that around this house.

That slogan sounds really sweet!

I commend the Varanasi place for their honesty; the old town there may arguably be the dirtiest place on earth, and I'd hesitate to believe anyone making a claim for actually *clean*.

Charlie Weasley: Bunbury? and where's Father's at?

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