On the eighth day of Christmas, blamebrampton gave to me ...

[blamebrampton]

Three pieces of life advice, friends notes F-I and a note for a Birthday Happy!

(ooh, sorry about that rhyme)

A few pieces of random life advice that people have given me over the years that have turned out to be true.

1. If a man flashes you, adopt your most wide-eyed and innocent expression, and say: 'Is that what a penis looks like? I always thought they would be larger!'

2. If you are groped on the Tube or bus, grab the offending hand, drag it into the air and demand in your most carrying tones: 'Why do you think my arse is the appropriate place for your hand?'

3. If you think that you are being followed by a bag snatcher, turn around, approach them politely, and say: 'Excuse me, do you know what time it is? I have an urgent meeting near here and I am starting to worry I will be late!' or else ask if they know the name of the street that you are walking along. The two times I have done this, the very dodgy figure who had been following me stuttered and then said 'Er, yeah ...' and was helpful. And if they still grab your bag, you will have had a good look at them and be able to provide an excellent description.

The first two were taught to me by my favourite ever sports mistress, and have given me years of cheer, the third by a very nice policeman who came and spoke to us all when I was in Hippie School and who was so weirded out by the whole experience that he just started offering random advice, much of it very useful!


fade_into_dark : You’ve taken your user name as a leitmotif this year! I hope things have worked out for you and that all is well!
fallinskye : I friended you \ because your profile was so the type of person I like to hang out with. Even if you never start writing in your journal, I hope that anything you read in mine makes you feel the same way towards me.
faynia : They say that adversity is character building. I say your character is fine as it is and can you please have some luxury and easiness now?
femmequixotic : Quite aside from everything else, and it’s a long list, you love Supernatural and yet stay active in HP fandom. Hurrah!!
feralcheryl : PUT BOOKS ON HIS HEAD! I love you, and miss you, and find myself entirely charmed by the (still, briefly) short person.
flamewarrior : You think deep thoughts, which I always find interesting even if I lack time to comment. Also, you look like my favourite old friend who I have lost contact with. And the Sea Kitties killed me dead.
flemco : You will never read this, but I often wonder what you’d have been like if you’d grown up in a country that isn’t obsessed with guns.
florahart : I still haven’t quite recovered from you introducing me to those coloured marshmallow thingies some time early-ish last year, but that’s not a suitable message. What is, is this: I rarely comment on your stories not because I do not think I will like reading them, but because I am so sure I will like them a great deal that I have held off until I have free time to devour them. Which now seems quite imminent!
foi_nefaste : I genuinely believe that the two of us would be excellent neighbours.
fourth_rose : Is there anything I can do to free up some of your time for more chapters? Ironing? Thank you notes? Anything? No pressure ...
frances_veritas : MAN! With all those pretty boys, I find it so hard to stop looking at your journal entries long enough to post a useful comment!
frankkincense : You are SUCH a delightful person, and so thoughtful! I hope you have a wonderful time travelling and seeing the world this year, and let me know if you are going to make it to Melbourne, I can easily fly down for a cup of tea (and shop ...)
frantic_flirt : Should you turn out to be a mad scientist, I am fairly convinced that you will invent brilliant solar power at the same time as taking over the globe, which I can live with.
frantic_mice : I LOVAGE UUUU! Your wild cheeriness and poetic lolspeak has been an unpredictable and insightful addition to fandom that has really enriched my 2008. Let’s do it again in 2009!
frayach : The universe’s propensity to suck in multiples has been proven enough. I have my fingers crossed that it spends all of 2009 saying ‘Yeah, look, sorry about last year, there was a paperwork mixup and we gave you a few years’ worth of rubbish all at once ... Have a spot of serendipity!’
furiosity : I love the fact that you always make me think one step further. And I live in hope of another of your crisp multi-chaptered fics to read.
gabe_speaks : I love discussing words and grammar with you, and have several very easy to master recipes that you can use as the basis of many meals if you ever want to learn to cook!
gameazel : You make me wish I was more into anime so that we could chat about Bleach at length. And I love your passion!
georgia_hawkins : I always feel better about one of my stories if you like it. I think I’ve decided you’re an arbiter of taste.
geoviki : I had something sensible to say, but when I went to your profile page to check a detail, I found that YOU had written Long Way Home. I have been looking for that fic since you posted the first bit on your LJ and I loved it but was too thick to note down where it was from. It’s in an open browser window now!
gina87 : Whenever I have reading time and nothing lined up, I like to look at your recs, because you not only choose great stories, you make other readers see *why* they’re good, and that’s not easy!
glorafin : I feel very badly that I have not been reading much of your fic when you have been so kind about mine. This speaks solely of my crapness.
goddessleila : I’m twice your age, and I suspect that after reading your journal, I will NEVER have my wisdom teeth removed! Good luck with the rest of this year’s study!
goddessriss : I wish we lived near each other in real life, because I think that you are a genuinely lovely person, and I would pop around once a week to remind myself that such a thing is not a myth.
gossymer : You’ll probably miss this, but you do GORGEOUS layouts!
gracefulfool : As if you didn;t have me licking my screen every time you post food shots, you had to show me Jay Walker’s library. Covet!
gracilejenn : I have always believed that you have the most beautiful user name in fandom. And when you posted that your cat loves crisps, I forgot to tell you that Monster does, too!
grey_hunter : Every time I see your icon, I have a burst of happy. I know that you will have done something cool, like the hd_hols guessing polls, or have something witty or insightful to say, or be writing something that will make me think. I look forward to each occasion!
groundedraven : I had to check your lj as you’ve not actually posted since joining my flist, and I just wanted to say that your uncle is an idiot and that more people have read Frankenstein than Byron or Shelley.
gryfseeker7 : I really hope that this coming year is better for you. And if the universe does all these things to ‘test’ us, then the universe is being run by a sadistic bastard and we should campaign for better management.
gwenivere73 : We both love fic and cats! That’s good enough for me!
hanson_phreek : Boy babies are terrific! Actually, little boys are terrific, but they have to be babies first. Anyway, you know this! Smooth sailing to you!
heathen_ursidae : I love your art, and your boot recommendations, and your sense of humour, and the fact that you have done so brilliantly on the stop smoking front. Pretty much all of you, actually.
hpdm4ever : How good are your recs? Hugely!
hpreader : You are so secretive!
hpstrangelove : So, Alex Rider, should I just start reading?
hyperactivefics : yours is the only Buffy fic I have ever read. It was very good!
i_autumnheart : BRISBANE??!! I will visit you every winter and miss you every summer! You are one of those people who I am just so glad to know, even though I am crap at keeping in touch.
icyanahita : I really wish I was young enough to be into bandom, you make it look like so much fun!
inamac : I just like you. The things you do, the things you stand for, the things you have to say ... you constantly come across as a good and decent person.
inkandfakefurs : Finding and reading A Killing Moon was one of the year’s high points for me!
innocentimp17 : You’ve been a supporter of my fic, but are clearly having too much life to really post in your LJ yourself, and that’s a fine and worthy thing!
irya_angelus : It’s been a year since you were posting. I miss your art and snippets of your life, but hope you’re off doing something lovely.
ishafel : I’ve only peeked at your Backstory universe, because my life has been chaos since I met you in LJ, but it is BRILLIANT and I will be back there!



Finally, Happy Birthday, no_mad_skillz !

Comments

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Those pieces of advice are just great. They made me laugh so much that I almost wish I'd be flashed, groped or followed by a bag snatcher soon, just to try them out.

Lol.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I hope that you are not, but if you are, I hope they bring you as much joy as they have me!

[cinnatart.livejournal.com]

quite useful advice, really, and the first one made me LOL. =)

Happy New Year BB =)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Happy New Year, dear!

The first one is my nicer version, the original, which was taught to a group of very sporty girls well-versed in running away was 'Wow! that looks just like a penis, only smaller!' She was the finest sports mistress I ever had.

[inamac.livejournal.com]

Extremely useful advice. You don't happen to have the first one translated into Greek or Arabic do you? (Why do foreign phrase books omit such useful phrases?)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

No, but I could certainly have it translated into both if it would help you in your travels!

And I KNOW! I have a notebook full of things I struggled with in Italian because I needed to know the colloquial versions. I can see a publishing opportunity!

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

Gems of wisdom, those first two are. :D I'd heard the last one before, but not the other two. Fortunately, I haven't had the need for them, but I'll keep that in mind, should they ever be required. Happy 2009!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

And to you, dear!

[okydoky.livejournal.com]

Those first two points made me laugh, but I noted them down :P

Happy New Year :) ♥

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

They work! Happy New Year to you, too, hope it's proceeding smoothly!

[beatnikspinster.livejournal.com]

Good advice! I love it! Especially #1!

Unfortunately, when I've been groped on the subway it wasn't with hands. Men here prefer "grinding" with their crotch in my ass. It's hands-free and workable on extremely crowded trains. Still, the yelling and singling out still applies. I wouldn't touch them though. That can escalate into a physical fight quickly. The yelling alone will work. So will the camera on your cellphone-- http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

That's a GREAT site! And yes, the grabbing of wrists really is only for cities in which guns and knives are not commonly used. Or with yuppies, who are rarely armed.

The trick is to just reach around and grab the hand that is on your arse, then turn and look incredulously at the offender, then bellow your outrage, by which time they are very aware they have no real grounds to complain about you having their wrist.

[goddessriss.livejournal.com]

Sound advice to start the new year! I especially liked the first one, though think I'll get more use out of the second. Cheers!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I wish you non-crowded and frotter free public transport in 2009!

[symetric.livejournal.com]

Fantastic advice. Noted and rehearsing, so as to be the first things that pop into my head in said situations.

Poor traumatised policeman. I hope he recovered.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

He did. I think it went downhill when he told the youngest kids they should never let adults who weren't doctors or helping them to have a bath to touch our private parts, and one of the boys put up his hand and said 'Do you mean penises and vaginas?'

Either that or he realised he'd detained one of our teachers at a protest somewhere, which was quite likely ;-)

[maya231.livejournal.com]

What is this Hippie School you speak of? I hope, were I ever flashed, I would have the presence of mind to remember #1!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

That one was in a Steiner Lower School, which was really good! I had two other hippie schooling experience, one which was communal home-schooling and another that I do not talk about as the horror is still too strong!

I hope you remember 1, it works a treat!

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

*giggles* That is very good advice~

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I was always taught to make the world more pleasant through politeness ;-)

[arobynsung]

I may have to make a resolution to use #1, but then again if I do that, it'll never happen.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Either way is a win!

[complications-g.livejournal.com]

These are brilliant!

:D

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Grazie mille!

[gabe-speaks.livejournal.com]

awww, i'd LOVE any and all recipes, especially made for the beginner, like me.

so far, the roomie has been laaaaaaaaaaazy... :(

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Cool! In that case, I might get to that this week!

[glorafin.livejournal.com]

It must be the very first time that I'm mentioned in a post on my flist. Writing that meme must have been an incredible amount of work. And you probably had to think hard to even remember why or when you added me as as friend when I so rarely post anything on my LJ. Still, it's nice to see my username appear out of the blue in a post like this. It makes me feel part of a community even though I never went further than the outest fringes of it.

And don't feel bad about not reading my fics... nobody does. :)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I could remember that I liked you!

This last has been a terrible year for reading for me, but 2009 will be much better, so expect random comments ;-)

[fourth_rose]

Is there anything I can do to free up some of your time for more chapters?

I wish there were, dear, honestly. I avoid talking about my RL woes on LJ because I prefer it as my online happy place, but I have a rather tough time at the moment, and things are very unlikely to ease up in the foreseeable future. Still, now that the Christmas stress is over, I have every intention to get the story going again. Thank you for your patience, it's always encouraging to know that someone is looking forward to another chapter :) *hugs*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Buggeration. You concentrate on RL, I can always reread what's there. And I always look forward to chapters of the Fic That Must Not Be Acronymed ;-)

Here's to an easier and smoother 2009!

[fourth_rose]

♥

[goddessriss.livejournal.com]

You are SUCH a sweetheart! It would be nice if you could pop round for tea once a week. Next time you're in Durham, give me a shout! I'll bake cakes...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I'll bring the tea and cocoa!

[faynia.livejournal.com]

I'd really like some at this point. -.- If I keep chanting I do believe in 2009, I do, I do....

^_^

Also, your advice made my mom laugh out loud.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I'll chant along with you. And the advice may sound kooky, but it all works! In the first case, the flashers come over all embarrassed (a very elderly friend of mine who looks like a nun had the best response, where the flasher covered up, apologised and fled), in the second, EVERYONE pays attention and unleashes moral opprobrium on the offender, and if there is a guard handy, they are thrown off the public transport you are on, it also reminds the groper that women don't just take it quietly all the time.

The third one was something that I thought policemen just said, but I was followed not that many years ago by a decidedly dodgy bloke, and he waited outside a shop when I ducked in to it to lose him. So I walked straight up to him and asked him if he knew which street the Teacher's Union was on, as I wanted to go to the bookshop beside it. He looked as though he was having an internal struggle for a moment, than gave me good directions (it was two blocks away). By then he knew I had a good look at his face and had heard his voice, as well as I had been nothing but polite to him, so he either decided that I was too nice to mug, or too likely to go straight to the police and have him arrested.

I mentally apologised to the policeman who had given this tip for thinking it was ridiculous, it wasn't!

[grey-hunter.livejournal.com]

♥ (and also ♦ ♠ and ♣ just so they don't feel left out).

Guess I have an obsession with commenting. *shrugs* Just tell me when you get tired of me. :P

[oddishly.livejournal.com]

You are SUCH a delightful person

I get lessons from the best right here on LJ. Your LJ! :) I will indeed shout you from Melbourne!

[luthien82]

That is actually very good advice there. I'll keep that in mind.

[flamewarrior.livejournal.com]

Fantastic advice! ::makes notes::

(And thank you for your lovely words about me :-D (SEA KITTENS OMG!!!))