blamebrampton

The house next door to ours has become available to rent, and by pure chance I discovered that a very nice colleague at a magazine I freelance for was interested in it. On the open day on Saturday I popped over to say goodbye to the lovely girls who have been living there, and there were a number of would-be renters including the chap I knew.

He waved hello and I wandered over. "Look at you! What a coincidence! We're so desperate to get this place, but look how many people there are!"

"Yes," I said, loudly. "It's a good house, but the security is pretty dreadful. I wouldn't want to be a young woman living here without a man about*, I think they should be telling people that there have been any number of occasions where people have jumped that front fence. It's just no deterrent."

The chap and his boyfriend grinned at me. "And the train noise isn't too bad," I continued. "We just live in the back part of the house, although you have all those windows, which will make it harder, but earplugs will help at night."

"Two groups just left," he told me. "Bless you."

After everyone had gone I chatted with the realtor. "Just give us nice neighbours, not horrible students!"

"Well," she said, "I liked that gay couple."

"Oh yes!" I enthused. "Did you know one of them is a landscape gardener? They live locally and have such a good reputation in the area!"

She seemed very pleased to hear this, and I left, my work done

I walked back into my own home, and J asked me what I had been up to.

"You are so tricky!" he laughed.

"Sneaky like a Slytherin!" I replied.

He looked at me, aghast. "You did not just say that!" he exclaimed.

I shook my head at him. "If I had used any of the allusions from Austen or Dickens that sprang to mind, would you have got them?"

"Yes!" he declared.

"Really?"

"No."


*NB, this bit is in fact a fib, since I was the person who scared off two of the three intruders into next-door's garden that I know of over the last eight years, with no help from anyone except my trusty gardening axe. You do not need a man, but I do recommend an axe.

J's birthday was yesterday, but we ran out of energy after seeing Iron Man and out of hunger after eating tapas. So I held off buying his cake until today. For the last few hours I have been suggesting to J he might like to have cake now. His reply has been "Later".

A few minutes ago, I went into the study, where he is playing Internet Spaceships. "F1 qualifying is on in half an hour, so why don't I give you a heads-up 10 minutes before and we will watch it with delicious cake!"

"Mmm hmmm," he replied, absorbed in something intergalactic.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" I asked, amused.

"Ye-es!" he replied with an eye roll.

Thirty seconds later there is a harumph from the living room, which I, taking a personal moment in the adjacent lavatory, hear clearly. "So," he says, "is this how you greet me with delicious cake!"

I emerge and shake my head at him. "I very clearly outlined the plan of 11pm qualifying, 10.50pm, delicious cake. It is currently 10.30, you did not listen to a word I said, did you?"

"Yes I did!" he protested. "I heard qualifying, delicious, and cake!"