Dear Americans,

[blamebrampton]

On the whole, I love you. I have long loved many of your countrymen, sometimes from afar as with Frank Capra and Katherine Hepburn, and sometimes from up close as with some very lucky young people in the 1980s and '90s.

I think your land is beautiful, your governments uniformly mad, your religious leaders alternately inspiring and depressing and your jazz miraculous.

But.

I would like to impose a rule on you all. If you cannot say the word penis, you may not handle, draw, write about or otherwise involve yourself with them. Babytalk derivatives do not count. Similarly, the F-bomb and C-bomb may no longer be. "That person used an expletive I am not comfortable with" or "Fuck me! She said cunt!" are your two options.

That is all, please go about your business.

With love,
Brammers

Comments

[no-mad-skillz.livejournal.com]

Psst! Fading out is perfectly acceptable. More than acceptable, it's (to me, anyway) frequently welcome, especially in fest season when zomg 300 sex scenes leave me glazed over and scanning to get back to the plot and hoping this wasn't a Sex Magick story where, damn, that orgasm was important.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I suspect they may be a craft project in the future ...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

HEEE! My fest fic was the first time that I wrote teeny tiny glimpses! But yes, too many prostates can leave me feeling like a proctologist , luckily most of my F-list write sex very well!

[jigglykat.livejournal.com]

Oh man, this made me laugh FAR too hard.

But I have the mouth of a sailor, so it's alright. =^^=

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Come and join us in the land of the penis inspection flip-badges! (It is possible I should have gone to bed 15 minutes ago before my brain completely gave out ...)

[shadowclub.livejournal.com]

Haha, I avoid writing sex scenes because I dislike using the word penis and some of the alternative(phallus, hunk of man meat, love stick, thing etc.) are questionable... :)

I think your land is beautiful, your governments uniformly mad, your religious leaders alternately inspiring and depressing and your jazz miraculous.

So true... but it's an election year for us so hopefully things will change!

[jadzialove.livejournal.com]

Ah! How odd. Yesterday, while perusing some art, I saw a warning for "peen" and had no idea what it meant. Then, upon opening said art, there was a fairly well-drawn picture, though no clue as to the identity of the warned for "peen". Then, at the bottom of the artses, was a note proclaiming the artist's self-squicked condition for having drawn the "peen". Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the art was depicting a blow job, but the genitalia was nearly indistinguishable from the background. Only then was I able to add it all up, finally realizing what "peen" referred to.

I thought perhaps I didn't get it because I'd rather be warned if slash art doesn't contain penises er, penai... cocks, so I know I'll be wasting my time. ;)

But please don't blame Americans on the whole--lay it at the feet of the ridiculous children who are doing this, playing at the dirty stuff while terrified of their own sexuality. And really, let's feel sorry for them and hope they get over it.

See, now learning about this is a good thing. We can add the silly word to the list of Do Not Open; it'll fit nicely between "MPreg" and "Scat".

And the interwebs is safe once again!

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

Ha! Peen! I just saw that for the first time yesterday and now you have this funny post. I love it when the universe lines up.

Frankly, cock is the only word I can handle - I'm sure you've noticed. Everything else sounds so grade 6 to me...

And oh, fuck! Fuck is my absolute favourite swear word. I use it ALL the time, as I'm also sure you've noticed. I've actually been trying to cut back in RL. My son is now 15 months old and will soon be acquiring new words at the rate of a small locomotive. So I've been substituting "dork." In my other, less glamourous life, I do some work as a reseracher. I was reading an interview that had been transcribed horribly and one of the sentences (which should have read: "They go with boys who treat them like shit.") read: "The boys all dork them and shit." I nearly pissed myself laughing and promptly adopted dork as my fuck substitutes.

Draco could feel Harry's peen, hard and thick, pressing against his arse. He moaned and ground back against it. "Dork me. Dork me now, you dorking bastard."

My other favourite, because this is the world's longest reply ever, was when I was watching Goodwill Hunting on a channel that blocked out all the swears. There's a scene where they go through McDonald's and one of the characters keeps saying "Give me my fucking sandwich" because Affleck won't give him his burger. And the channel dubbed in "give me my burger sandwich." That's another favourite around the house. Whenever we can't swear we say "give me my burger sandwich." It's even better because no one ever gets it!

Okay, I'm done. Phew!

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

Ha ha! Me too! We were looking at the same art. Yay for cocks!

[geoviki.livejournal.com]

What a great post to start my Monday morning with!

Peen! Good lord!

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

Ha! I just noticed I wrote "Goodwill Hunting" instead of "Good Will Hunting." Because really, it was a moving about finding awesome second hand clothes in a thrift store, right?

[jadzialove.livejournal.com]

Yay!!

Oh, the irony of me cheering for cocks... Hee!

[jadzialove.livejournal.com]

hunk of man meat, love stick, thing

Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha!!


Ahem. *wipes eyes and sniggers* Whoo! Sorry. That cracked me up.

Though if any one of those lovely euphemisms showed up in something I was reading, I'm certain I'd be overcome with the same sort of giggle fit and find myself unable to finish. Very sexy!

[brinian.livejournal.com]

Huh? I think I missed a memo on euphemisms somewhere along the line. You are totally right. You have my permission to proceed with whatever corrective action you deem necessary to punish the offenders (whose material I obviously have NOT read :-)

(Could it be that they are VERY young??? I LIKE my Anglo-Saxon words!)

[shadowclub.livejournal.com]

Pretty much kills the rest of the story doesn't it? I normally use cock when I do end up writing sex scenes.

Sometimes when my cousin and I get bored we make up euphemisms so I know way too many euphemisms to be considered sane:)

Its like verbal diarrhea... without editing

[shadowclub.livejournal.com]

Oops, that came out wrong! What I meant to say is that I avoid using the word penis...

[arcanetrivia]

PENIS
PENIS
PENIS


We really are on the same wavelength, lol.

[daybreaq.livejournal.com]

As a forty year old (Ack!!!) American, I've never heard the term "peen" until reading this. So I don't think it's so much an American thing as the latest teen slang. I suspect they think it sounds cool rather than "secretly Amish."

Kids are cute really.

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

*raise eyebrows*

Before meeting my f-list, I used to scowl at the American ways (tire instead of tyre; analyze over analyse; color and colour; airplane rather than aeroplane... you get my drift *g*), though I've never heard of the 'F-bomb' before. *is amused*

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I suppose you're right and it's not their fault. And at least they're playing with gay porn rather than reading about Britney -- I find that strangely comforting.

Re: Its like verbal diarrhea... without editing

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I think it came out perfectly!

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

You should ABSOLUTELY post that list ...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I was looking at that, too! But the artist is VERY young, and otherwise quite talented (and will hopefully be startled to learn that peenii do not resemble ice lollies). I do like the idea of your labeling system, there should be a fandom library course in it ...

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Fuck was one of my earliest words as a child. My grandmother was not best pleased.

Draco could feel Harry's peen, hard and thick, pressing against his arse. He moaned and ground back against it. "Dork me. Dork me now, you dorking bastard."

Seriously, how am I meant to answer comments and beta for you in Feb if I am dead from laughing? Hairtoss and huffy pants!

You know what would be even better than the below, BTW? If Goodwill Hunting was about a movie where a professor paid for the university education of a working class boy who he recognised as a genius in op shopping. You could have the professor arguing passionately with the head of the School of Economics: "But he revolutionises all of our thinking on supply-side economics!!!"

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I hate to say it, but after 24 hours of laughing at it, I'm almost starting to like it. I think the next time I spot a flasher I shall shriek "Exposed PEEN!!!"