A moment with J

[blamebrampton]

The house next door to ours has become available to rent, and by pure chance I discovered that a very nice colleague at a magazine I freelance for was interested in it. On the open day on Saturday I popped over to say goodbye to the lovely girls who have been living there, and there were a number of would-be renters including the chap I knew.

He waved hello and I wandered over. "Look at you! What a coincidence! We're so desperate to get this place, but look how many people there are!"

"Yes," I said, loudly. "It's a good house, but the security is pretty dreadful. I wouldn't want to be a young woman living here without a man about*, I think they should be telling people that there have been any number of occasions where people have jumped that front fence. It's just no deterrent."

The chap and his boyfriend grinned at me. "And the train noise isn't too bad," I continued. "We just live in the back part of the house, although you have all those windows, which will make it harder, but earplugs will help at night."

"Two groups just left," he told me. "Bless you."

After everyone had gone I chatted with the realtor. "Just give us nice neighbours, not horrible students!"

"Well," she said, "I liked that gay couple."

"Oh yes!" I enthused. "Did you know one of them is a landscape gardener? They live locally and have such a good reputation in the area!"

She seemed very pleased to hear this, and I left, my work done

I walked back into my own home, and J asked me what I had been up to.

"You are so tricky!" he laughed.

"Sneaky like a Slytherin!" I replied.

He looked at me, aghast. "You did not just say that!" he exclaimed.

I shook my head at him. "If I had used any of the allusions from Austen or Dickens that sprang to mind, would you have got them?"

"Yes!" he declared.

"Really?"

"No."


*NB, this bit is in fact a fib, since I was the person who scared off two of the three intruders into next-door's garden that I know of over the last eight years, with no help from anyone except my trusty gardening axe. You do not need a man, but I do recommend an axe.

Comments

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I have my moments ;-)

I have to say that J is all very strong and noble, but in a fight I would worry about him terribly, whereas show a burglar a five-foot-and-a-bit girlish woman grinning and comfortably hefting a good solid axe and they invariably flee.

Which is just as well as I have yet to work out how to stop someone, using an axe, without killing them.

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I think burglars might be scared off by my hysteria, and by my husband's bulk. We'd make a good tag team. Thank goodness we've never had the opportunity to defend ourselves.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

J has had ample opportunity to scare off burglars, but has failed to notice them every time! So I am left to deal with them by myself. But my theory is that they look at me and think "She is little and squidgy, and yet she is grinning, she must be a martial arts FREAK!"

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I agree... it must be the fiendish grin that scares them off!

Once my sister was housesitting for us, and she reported seeing an unknown man on our inner patio. But she didn't do a thing, as she assumed it was the landlord. Not the greatest judgment in the world. We never found out who it was, but he didn't do any harm. :)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I once discovered two young men in my kitchen. I was so happy that I had put on my bathrobe. They looked at me, saw the expression on my face, and started to apologise profusely.

"Run," I said. "Now."

They fled.

I sat there thinking happy thoughts about how mighty and terrifying I am, then I remembered that I was sharing that house with an actual martial arts freak and that the hallway behind me was filled with weaponry.

I like to think the terry-towelling bathrobe was somewhat scary.

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

We have a sword cane around somewhere. Perhaps it should be more prominently displayed.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I think it would look dashing in your hand ...

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I think so too. En garde!

Psst, have you seen the guesses for your team on the big WC poll? Something there may amuse you. :)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

Ooh, no, I will go and look.

And you would look extremely dashing! (Unless you did the Bananarama hair ...)

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I don't tend to favor the Bananarama look these days - I doubt I could carry it off.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! You are hilarious!

(And I am so hard to guess, apparently ...)

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I know! I am about to make a post about recognizable style, as I've noticed some of my favorite writers are very easy to spot.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I will fool you with my next fest fic. There will be death, disaster, angst and agony. Maybe even porn. I shall channel my inner teenager!!

(And wear Bananarama hair in a bid to recover the 80s, since you won't!)

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I channel my inner teenager for the vast majority of my fics! :D

I'd like to see you pull the wool over our eyes. For some reason I had a memory of porn in your last fic, but when I reread it I realized I had only imagined it.

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

heheheheheh! I skirted the borders of pornery without dipping a toe in the waters!

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

They say our mind fills in blank spaces without our conscious awareness... mine fills them with porn. :)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

I would reply, but am too busy laughing. Your brain is SO TRICKSY!

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

turn it backwards and swing at their knee cap... trust me, it wont kill them, but they'll drop and not get back up! The whole 'unable to walk again' is what I like to think of as acceptable collateral damage. ;)

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

As someone who limps on both legs, they would have to be a very bad burglar for me to go to those lengths, not the standard feeble druggie we get around here these days. You're a hard woman. I like that.