Flames I have not written ...
Jun. 23rd, 2008 01:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blamebramptonThere have been a lot of flame-related posts of late, from people receiving their first ones, to a sweet young one on a comm who was cross about one that turned out to be harshly worded concrit (a fine distinction, I grant you).
It made me think about the art of flaming. I don't think it's a good idea on principle, because surely you could receive a more visceral buzz from going out and actually kicking a puppy or stealing a small child's sweets (easier to do than you might think, they have short attention spans). However, I recently made the mistake of mentioning to some friends that I had read the worst story ever. They hastily corrected me and pointed me in the direction of the actual worst stories ever. I suspect the nadir may have been reached. And I could see why people flamed. Indeed, I had Strong Urges.
So strong, in fact, that I wrote them all down, but here, not in the several theres that inspired them. Rest assured, dear flist and casual readers, none of these were directed at any of you.
* If that is truly how you believe gay men behave, you need to change your reference material from Teletubbies to Queer as Fuck.
* Stop now, remove Word from your computer, and contemplate accountancy. It pays very well.
* That manoeuvre would have resulted in hospitalisation and a very embarrassing recuperation.
* No English person, in the history of the world, has ever said that. There are laws against it.
* No Malfoy would ever shop there.
* The Dursleys are Middle Class, not retarded. There is a clear distinction.
* Boys do quite often shag just because they would like to have sex now, thank you. It is unusual for them to wait for a lengthy monologue on the nature of love to be completed first. Not impossible, I grant you, but unlikely. Most boys I have known would have made a cup of tea, played a quick game of internet spaceships, or had one off the wrist in that fifteen minutes. The nice ones would have made two cups of tea.
* I pride myself on a willing suspension of disbelief, but Isambard Kingdom Brunel could not have bridged these plot gaps.
* Is it just the HP women, or all women who make you this angry?
* Have you ever actually seen a penis?
* I admit I have not exhausted the variations, but I am fairly sure that you can't have sex like that. Unless you are an elephant. In which case you missed an animagus scene.
* The Queen is not happy with what you have done to her English.
What about you lot? Anything you've wanted to rant on but have kept inside? Stop bottling, let it out. No names, no URLs, just vent the badness ...
It made me think about the art of flaming. I don't think it's a good idea on principle, because surely you could receive a more visceral buzz from going out and actually kicking a puppy or stealing a small child's sweets (easier to do than you might think, they have short attention spans). However, I recently made the mistake of mentioning to some friends that I had read the worst story ever. They hastily corrected me and pointed me in the direction of the actual worst stories ever. I suspect the nadir may have been reached. And I could see why people flamed. Indeed, I had Strong Urges.
So strong, in fact, that I wrote them all down, but here, not in the several theres that inspired them. Rest assured, dear flist and casual readers, none of these were directed at any of you.
* If that is truly how you believe gay men behave, you need to change your reference material from Teletubbies to Queer as Fuck.
* Stop now, remove Word from your computer, and contemplate accountancy. It pays very well.
* That manoeuvre would have resulted in hospitalisation and a very embarrassing recuperation.
* No English person, in the history of the world, has ever said that. There are laws against it.
* No Malfoy would ever shop there.
* The Dursleys are Middle Class, not retarded. There is a clear distinction.
* Boys do quite often shag just because they would like to have sex now, thank you. It is unusual for them to wait for a lengthy monologue on the nature of love to be completed first. Not impossible, I grant you, but unlikely. Most boys I have known would have made a cup of tea, played a quick game of internet spaceships, or had one off the wrist in that fifteen minutes. The nice ones would have made two cups of tea.
* I pride myself on a willing suspension of disbelief, but Isambard Kingdom Brunel could not have bridged these plot gaps.
* Is it just the HP women, or all women who make you this angry?
* Have you ever actually seen a penis?
* I admit I have not exhausted the variations, but I am fairly sure that you can't have sex like that. Unless you are an elephant. In which case you missed an animagus scene.
* The Queen is not happy with what you have done to her English.
What about you lot? Anything you've wanted to rant on but have kept inside? Stop bottling, let it out. No names, no URLs, just vent the badness ...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 01:10 pm (UTC)We were supposed to write a short passage from which everyone was supposed to guess the subject's occupation. One woman wrote something about "probing fingers" and I almost laughed out loud! Turned out she was talking about a surgeon.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 01:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 01:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 01:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 01:52 pm (UTC)I'm impressed that you didn't!
I'm doing RL writing, and I'll admit that there are times I just don't have the same enthusiasm for my characters that I do for H/D. Then again, once you've passed the tenth re-read/edit, the excitement wanes a bit. *sighs* I suspect adding gay sex into a mid-grade children's novel probably wouldn't wow the publishers.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 02:04 pm (UTC)So, what are you working on with your RL writing? I had an idea for a novel but so far I haven't gotten beyond a huge outline and character sketches.
no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 02:50 pm (UTC)Okay ... I must know what fic that was and I shall go read it. :D
Good on her for the increase in book sales as a result, though. She's certainly going to have the last laugh. I think she DEFINITELY should appear on Letterman! I would jump at that chance. Hmm ...
*ponders his Top Ten list of body parts you can't use in children's books*
RL - I have a few on the go, but the initial one is the first in a series of mid-grade books on time travel. The summary and first three chapters are currently with a publisher for review (but not for consideration at this time). I should receive the written assessment when I attend a writers' conference in a couple of weeks, and a follow-up telephone consultation before the end of August.
I have other projects that cover numerous genres and are at various stages in the writing process. I've jotted down ideas, written scenes, done character sketches and plot outlines as they've come to me over the years, but I never made myself focus on the completion of any one project until last year, when I decided to go with my latest idea and see it through.
What is your novel about?
no subject
Date: 2008-06-23 03:18 pm (UTC)My fic that uses that sentence is What Lies Beneath, which was a short crackfic written before DH - it's about the hiding place for the last Horcrux. ;)
Wow, your book is with a publisher? I'm impressed.
My novel is
After I decided to change the plot, though, I lost a lot of steam, and am hoping to recover my inspiration at some point. I just need to write the damn thing, but I keep getting distracted by writing fanfic.