That wet stuff, it'll kill ya.
Aug. 14th, 2008 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blamebramptonA recurring theme in Australian humour is the deadliness of everything. Snakes, spiders, sharks, gum trees, octopuses – as Australians say "Be careful of that, it'll kill ya."
I used to think that this was said in jest, but no, most things that are not sheep will have a go at killing you. Indeed, on some country roads, even the sheep will join in.
Of course, the locals lie, and lie shamelessly. The beloved J and I were walking home one night last summer when we saw a young Englishman taking a photograph of an Orb Weaving spider who had spun a magnificent six foot web across the pedestrian laneway near here. "I'm trying to capture the colours, I think there's just enough light from the streetlamp," the man confessed as we watched him twiddling with his camera.
"Did it come out?" J asked, after the shot was taken.
"Yeah, not bad," the tourist said, showing the display. "These ones are safe, aren't they?"
J looked at the display and nodded. "Looks good." Then he looked up at the sweet, harmless spider, and said, in his most laconic drawl, "But you want to be careful of that, it'll kill ya."
The problem is that, sometimes when you think they are lying, it is in fact true. As a little girl I had a much-loved copy of Seven Little Australians, a classic children's novel of 19th-century Australia. In it, and I'm afraid it's a spoiler, the wonderful Judy is killed when a tree falls on her. As a young lass, I thought this was a plot device. Then I moved here and realised. Trees fall on people All The Time. Usually on German tourists. And I can tell you why this happens, since, during my stint working in a park, I had this conversation several times:
Me: And I strongly recommend that you stick to the official campgrounds, the amenities are better and they're cleared of trees.
German Tourist: But I enjoy pitching my tent under a tree.
Me: Yes, look, I understand that and I sympathise, the problem is that Australian trees are homicidal and they drop branches weighing tens of kilograms down on tents with startling regularity.
GT: That is fine, I will only pitch my tent under trees with healthy limbs.
Me: Alas, that won't help, they look perfectly fine and then BOOM! Split in half and crashing downwards.
GT: So really not under trees.
Me: Really.
GT: Oak trees?
Me: If you can find one, they obey the normal rules.
GT: Thank you. Also, are Drop Bears real?
Me: No, do not believe that other parks employee, he is Australian and tells terrible lies.
The upshot of all this is that Australians grow up doing things like shaking out their shoes before they put them on, because in most major population centres there are at least two or three things that could well be lurking in there that will, at the very least, hospitalise you. I do this too. It's actually a very easy way to tell the difference between an Australian and a New Zealander if the accents confuse you. That and the fact that New Zealanders take wood from woodpiles without using a big stick or leather gloves, because the things that lurk in their woodpiles are usually cute and English, not angry and venomous.
And Australian warning signs tend to say things like "Do Not Swim In Waterhole. CROCODILES!! You WILL Die." They take their warning signs seriously over here.
The other notable thing is the lack of rain. Until last November, it had been about 11 years without a good stint of rain in New South Wales. The Sydney water catchment went down below 50%, below 40%, about 30%. The dam levels moved from being read out at the end of the agricultural program every Sunday, to being read out in the weather report every night. They were last full in 1998. But it's been raining this year, so much so that the dams approach 70% and we're actually allowed to wash cars again.
However, I think that Sydneysiders have forgotten how to function in rain, and have adopted a very Australian approach to it. This explains the announcement that rang out over the train station this morning, in elegant tones:
And fair enough, it has been a long time and it's easy to forget. Though I suspect an average amount of care would probably cover it. The best thing? It was about 19 deg C. Brilliant blue skies. Glorious morning sun.
I used to think that this was said in jest, but no, most things that are not sheep will have a go at killing you. Indeed, on some country roads, even the sheep will join in.
Of course, the locals lie, and lie shamelessly. The beloved J and I were walking home one night last summer when we saw a young Englishman taking a photograph of an Orb Weaving spider who had spun a magnificent six foot web across the pedestrian laneway near here. "I'm trying to capture the colours, I think there's just enough light from the streetlamp," the man confessed as we watched him twiddling with his camera.
"Did it come out?" J asked, after the shot was taken.
"Yeah, not bad," the tourist said, showing the display. "These ones are safe, aren't they?"
J looked at the display and nodded. "Looks good." Then he looked up at the sweet, harmless spider, and said, in his most laconic drawl, "But you want to be careful of that, it'll kill ya."
The problem is that, sometimes when you think they are lying, it is in fact true. As a little girl I had a much-loved copy of Seven Little Australians, a classic children's novel of 19th-century Australia. In it, and I'm afraid it's a spoiler, the wonderful Judy is killed when a tree falls on her. As a young lass, I thought this was a plot device. Then I moved here and realised. Trees fall on people All The Time. Usually on German tourists. And I can tell you why this happens, since, during my stint working in a park, I had this conversation several times:
Me: And I strongly recommend that you stick to the official campgrounds, the amenities are better and they're cleared of trees.
German Tourist: But I enjoy pitching my tent under a tree.
Me: Yes, look, I understand that and I sympathise, the problem is that Australian trees are homicidal and they drop branches weighing tens of kilograms down on tents with startling regularity.
GT: That is fine, I will only pitch my tent under trees with healthy limbs.
Me: Alas, that won't help, they look perfectly fine and then BOOM! Split in half and crashing downwards.
GT: So really not under trees.
Me: Really.
GT: Oak trees?
Me: If you can find one, they obey the normal rules.
GT: Thank you. Also, are Drop Bears real?
Me: No, do not believe that other parks employee, he is Australian and tells terrible lies.
The upshot of all this is that Australians grow up doing things like shaking out their shoes before they put them on, because in most major population centres there are at least two or three things that could well be lurking in there that will, at the very least, hospitalise you. I do this too. It's actually a very easy way to tell the difference between an Australian and a New Zealander if the accents confuse you. That and the fact that New Zealanders take wood from woodpiles without using a big stick or leather gloves, because the things that lurk in their woodpiles are usually cute and English, not angry and venomous.
And Australian warning signs tend to say things like "Do Not Swim In Waterhole. CROCODILES!! You WILL Die." They take their warning signs seriously over here.
The other notable thing is the lack of rain. Until last November, it had been about 11 years without a good stint of rain in New South Wales. The Sydney water catchment went down below 50%, below 40%, about 30%. The dam levels moved from being read out at the end of the agricultural program every Sunday, to being read out in the weather report every night. They were last full in 1998. But it's been raining this year, so much so that the dams approach 70% and we're actually allowed to wash cars again.
However, I think that Sydneysiders have forgotten how to function in rain, and have adopted a very Australian approach to it. This explains the announcement that rang out over the train station this morning, in elegant tones:
"Attention passengers, for your safety, please take extreme care. Surfaces may be slippery when wet."
And fair enough, it has been a long time and it's easy to forget. Though I suspect an average amount of care would probably cover it. The best thing? It was about 19 deg C. Brilliant blue skies. Glorious morning sun.
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-15 12:30 am (UTC)Yes, Winters in Sydney can just be so awful! Hehe.
"But there are no drop bears, hoop snakes, bunyips or carnivorous wombats."
Nonsense! Of course there are drop bears and the rest of it. Next you'll try telling me there is no such thing as Queensland curly grass and I'll know you've officially gone insane.
"I think they sniff a bit too much mosquito repellent when they're young."
*sniff* I have no idea what you are talking about. Just because a whiff of Aeroguard can have me reminiscing about hot Summer nights and insect repellant-flavoured BBQs and then waxing lyrical about the shinanegans we got up to as kids wearing naught more than a singlet and shorts has nothing to do with it.
And the warning signs? Probably just there for the tourists. Let's face it - if you're here for any length of time, then you know how truly deadly Australia can be. We KNOW crocs can kill you. Also, we know that a mountain drop of only 600m may not be very high compared to some Alpine standards, but you will still die should you decide to go over the edge, hence the railings along anything even remotely high.
And not all spiders that end up in your shoes are deadly. Daddy Long Leg spiders don't last long when size 38s land on them with around 65kg of weight behind them. It just leaves a nasty stain on your socks...
no subject
Date: 2008-08-15 03:08 am (UTC)I've never hard of Queensland curly grass! tell me or I'll have to ask J! And I know I should keep up the drp bear myth, but I've felt such guilt since I convinced Uther of their existence. Talking of 6'6" Americans, you know that he used to squeal like a girl about Daddy Longlegs ...
I thought the signs were there to hang amusing things off.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-15 04:57 am (UTC)You convinced Uther about drop bears? ROFL! Oh, how I would have loved to be there! And don't feel guilty! He'd squeal over Daddy Long Legs? I'm a card carrying arachnaphobe and even I don't squeal over those things. Shesh!