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The trains were thrown awry by a fatality on my line, and, warned by Mr Brammers, I jumped in the first cab I found in North Sydney. I should have waited for the second.
I was willing to grant him that Australia's coal reliance and export is akin to environmental terrorism, though I did point out that the former Prime Minister, who he avowedly missed, had gutted the tax relief given to alternative energy research, engineering and production in this country, without which the sector could not compete with the coal industry.
I was even willing to grant that English people had invaded half the world and were guilty of genocide and certainly overlooking indigenous populations in many places. Though I made it clear the he was wrong to equate Australia and New Zealand, as the latter had the Treaty of Waitangi from the mid-19th century and long periods of war with the Maori, which, while not great, were certainly not the ignoring he was talking about.
But then he confidently told me that the war in Afghanistan was in response to Dick Cheney's company not receiving a contract from the Afghani government, and because of the Jews.
'No, that's just madness. It was in response to the attacks on the Twin Towers, Pentagon and so on.'
'Ah!' he exclaimed, pleased to have caught me in a common error. 'But those attacks were caused by Dick Cheney!'
'I'm not a fan of Cheney in the least, but I am quite certain that he had nothing to do with it and Mohamed Atta had a lot.'
'But no one can say that.'
'Yes, they can. There is ample documentary evidence, including Atta's own voice in radio transmissions from one of the planes.'
'Ah yes, but people can be bought.'
'I'm sure he was, by Al Qaeda, through ideology if not through money.'
'No, no, that is simply not correct. He was bought by Dick Cheney's company, with Jewish money. That is why the Jews stayed home in New York that day.'
'But that's simply not true, either. There were significant Jewish casualties among the dead and the rates of people staying home from work in both towers were normal for an average workday. This is extensively documented with actual documents, not websites, you know.'
'You do not understand how these things work. If we accept that it was Mohamed Atta, then we must consider what drove him to that point. He would have been standing in a pub, drinking quietly, and he would have been approached by someone who offered him more money than he could ever earn to go to his family. That's how the Americans work. What do you think of that?'
'I think that if he was having a drink in a pub, he wasn't a very good Muslim, and that doesn't fit with the picture of Atta that was established after his death.'
'Ah, but you cannot trust the Muslims, they say one thing and do another.'
'The radical ones generally don't drink, though.'
He pulled the cab to a halt in Blessed Erskineville. 'You seem very sceptical of what I have to say, but I assure you, I have twenty people a day in this cab and I hear many things.'
'Yes,' I said as I paid him. 'But isn't it possible that some of those people are quite mad?'
'I have an extensive education, but in this country I am forced to drive a cab.'
'Well, now here I finally agree with you, it is shameful how few qualifications from international universities are recognised in Australia. I am very sorry and hope that things improve for you.'
'Let me prove to you that I am an authority.' He dug through his wallet and handed over an identification card, with his degrees listed after his name.
As I looked at his identification, I nodded in understanding. All became clear. He was an engineer.
I was willing to grant him that Australia's coal reliance and export is akin to environmental terrorism, though I did point out that the former Prime Minister, who he avowedly missed, had gutted the tax relief given to alternative energy research, engineering and production in this country, without which the sector could not compete with the coal industry.
I was even willing to grant that English people had invaded half the world and were guilty of genocide and certainly overlooking indigenous populations in many places. Though I made it clear the he was wrong to equate Australia and New Zealand, as the latter had the Treaty of Waitangi from the mid-19th century and long periods of war with the Maori, which, while not great, were certainly not the ignoring he was talking about.
But then he confidently told me that the war in Afghanistan was in response to Dick Cheney's company not receiving a contract from the Afghani government, and because of the Jews.
'No, that's just madness. It was in response to the attacks on the Twin Towers, Pentagon and so on.'
'Ah!' he exclaimed, pleased to have caught me in a common error. 'But those attacks were caused by Dick Cheney!'
'I'm not a fan of Cheney in the least, but I am quite certain that he had nothing to do with it and Mohamed Atta had a lot.'
'But no one can say that.'
'Yes, they can. There is ample documentary evidence, including Atta's own voice in radio transmissions from one of the planes.'
'Ah yes, but people can be bought.'
'I'm sure he was, by Al Qaeda, through ideology if not through money.'
'No, no, that is simply not correct. He was bought by Dick Cheney's company, with Jewish money. That is why the Jews stayed home in New York that day.'
'But that's simply not true, either. There were significant Jewish casualties among the dead and the rates of people staying home from work in both towers were normal for an average workday. This is extensively documented with actual documents, not websites, you know.'
'You do not understand how these things work. If we accept that it was Mohamed Atta, then we must consider what drove him to that point. He would have been standing in a pub, drinking quietly, and he would have been approached by someone who offered him more money than he could ever earn to go to his family. That's how the Americans work. What do you think of that?'
'I think that if he was having a drink in a pub, he wasn't a very good Muslim, and that doesn't fit with the picture of Atta that was established after his death.'
'Ah, but you cannot trust the Muslims, they say one thing and do another.'
'The radical ones generally don't drink, though.'
He pulled the cab to a halt in Blessed Erskineville. 'You seem very sceptical of what I have to say, but I assure you, I have twenty people a day in this cab and I hear many things.'
'Yes,' I said as I paid him. 'But isn't it possible that some of those people are quite mad?'
'I have an extensive education, but in this country I am forced to drive a cab.'
'Well, now here I finally agree with you, it is shameful how few qualifications from international universities are recognised in Australia. I am very sorry and hope that things improve for you.'
'Let me prove to you that I am an authority.' He dug through his wallet and handed over an identification card, with his degrees listed after his name.
As I looked at his identification, I nodded in understanding. All became clear. He was an engineer.
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Date: 2009-07-14 09:27 am (UTC)Oh wow... That last line... Priceless!
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Date: 2009-07-14 09:29 am (UTC)'Oh, I could have told you that,' he replied.
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Date: 2009-07-14 09:29 am (UTC)bhahahah
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Date: 2009-07-14 09:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 09:30 am (UTC)Least it would have been an amusing cab ride! :p
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Date: 2009-07-14 09:33 am (UTC)I tried to stop the conversation, but it just led to a monologue instead, so I decided to introduce some facts. The section on why capitalism is against human nature and the destroyer of the world was so confused that even I lost track of his argument. And I speak fluent crazy after years on public transport.
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Date: 2009-07-14 11:20 am (UTC)Totally understandable really.
We have the power to mess with your water, sewage, food, power, communications, transport etc. etc. etc....
And then you try to tell us that life is not black and white!
Seriously!
What did you expect?
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Date: 2009-07-14 11:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 01:59 pm (UTC)Alas, the only time I'm ever in a cab is when I'm taking Ben to the doctor. I only get parenting advice from my cabbies. *eye roll so large you can probably see it in Australia*
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Date: 2009-07-14 02:04 pm (UTC)He proceeded to explain the faithfulness and diligence of Italian parents and to tell my friend that he was foolish and young. Finally, he concluded with: 'Where are you from?'
'Sicily,' said Marco.
The driver threw his hands in the air. 'Sicilians? They're ALL crazy people!'
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Date: 2009-07-14 02:15 pm (UTC)Thinking a society can be made to function like a clockwork, huh? Dream on, dream on...
How did you manage to talk with the cab driver? I never have the patience.
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Date: 2009-07-14 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 02:29 pm (UTC)And he ends every argument with, "I know the truth! I'm an engineer!"
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Date: 2009-07-14 05:52 pm (UTC)My grandfather was a barrister. He was sneakier. 'Why do you hold that to be true?' was his technique ;-)
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Date: 2009-07-14 02:31 pm (UTC)I had to read this aloud to the partner chick, and she was laughing as well.
Thank you for making my morning just that bit better.
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Date: 2009-07-14 05:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 02:44 pm (UTC)I suppose being young and glued to my iPod does have some advantages to avoiding the crazy.
But how do I get rid of creepy leering old men?no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 05:49 pm (UTC)I know that one! You smile sweetly at them and say 'You remind me so much of my grandfather!'
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Date: 2009-07-14 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 05:44 pm (UTC)Do you watch Southpark? Season 10 was actually quite good. They had a funny episode about conspiracy theories - Mystery of the Urinal Deuce.
I heard the old "The Jews stayed home that day" silliness so many times... Of course those people can check and see the Jewish names on the casualties list, but why confusing themselves with facts.
First 9/11, then Harry Potter, and now aphrodisiac chewing gums. What will those evil!Jews do next?
*sits at work and plots world domination by paperclips*
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Date: 2009-07-14 05:49 pm (UTC)Still, at least he was an equal-opportunity hater! Everybody copped a serve!
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Date: 2009-07-14 08:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-15 03:45 am (UTC)In much of Asia there is still a strong affection for the US, and in sub-Saharan Africa, it remains an aspirational country for the most part. Even though it might be the rhetoric taught in revolutionary countries like Iran, it's not something that you would find across the Muslim world, either. Islam had more than a thousand years of close friendship with the Jewish people and educational and legal rights for women before the last 65 years, it's not all disappeared in the dissent over Palestine.
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Date: 2009-07-15 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-15 03:39 am (UTC)The CPD is firmly at the non-loony end of engineering (like blondie in Tassie) because he has enough life experience to know that such a world view only works for small portions of the world, such as that bridge, or wall, or wing cross section.
There are many very good engineers! But when they go bad, they go very very bad!
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Date: 2009-07-15 08:24 am (UTC)